Ppl looked at us as the couple everyone wanted to be. We had our faults but in public u can never tell, we loved and respected each other and u would have thought we were perfect people, in a perfect realtionship. But he was murdered a year ago and my 'friend'(fat gay male) constantly says 'u r not a widow, u weren't married u shoulda been over this by now' He feels cuz we wern't married it should be so seriou. 2morrow is my late boyfrien'd 29th birthday, i'm going to his grave 2morrow, my mom and sister want me to go the laundry mat with them 2morrow, they said 'Washing clothes is more important than going to look at a grave, damn it he is never coming back. I would never say these things to anyone in this situation. Are they just jealous cuz the love we had when he was alive is a loive that they have enver had and are still aimlessly looking for? AM I wrong 2 think this?
2007-01-16 06:49:39 · 13 answers · asked by Gifted and Gracious 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
They sound insensitive to me. But you have to get on with life however you see fit. If that means paying respects to your late boyfriend periodically, then so be it. If the people you hang around can't respect that, then they are bad for you, family or not, and you should reconsider whether or not they are worth hanging around.
2007-01-16 06:57:27 · answer #1 · answered by stickboy_127 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
They aren't jealous, they are trying to get you involved in life again. At least your mom & sister. They really need to understand your feelings - you can go visit the grave and the laundy mat -- Good God, how many clothes could they have to take all day? Stand up for yourself and respectifully tell them to try and understand and then GO to the gravesite.
Your friend is just a jerk -- how dare he say those things to you. Whether you were married or not - the love was real. Tell him to butt out.
2007-01-16 06:59:59 · answer #2 · answered by GP 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I volunteer as a grief peer counselor and I'm here to tell you hon that everyone grieves their own way. Nobody ever gets over true grief - the trick is learning to move on and carry it with you. Once we lose someone we love we are changed forever. EVERYone in life loses someone they love eventually - very often more than one. When lost in a tragic unexpected way as you lost your bf it can be even more traumatic. Consider seeing a counsler if there is a grief center in your community.
There IS a difference between someone losing a husband or wife after 30 years of wedded bliss - and someone losing a boyfriend after a few years of dating..BUT, it does not mean you are not grieving or that you should get over it in someone else's time. Get through your grief your own way and in your own time - but you must get through it. Don't hang onto it in such a way as to hang onto him. Many people do that, as if their grief is all they have left of the person they lost so they are unwilling to move on. Must move on hon. My heart goes out to you.
2007-01-16 07:03:48 · answer #3 · answered by svmainus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is just a jerk. As for your mom and sister they should be more sensitive to your feelings. True love is not something that you just forget about, you'll always remember him and always have a spot in your heart for him, It's ok to love him as if he were still here but don't forget that you still have to live out your life.
2007-01-16 07:49:12 · answer #4 · answered by miss w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to openly grieve, particularly to people that will not yell at you for your grief. Therapy would be good to talk things out. If not therapy, there are support groups.
2007-01-16 06:59:21 · answer #5 · answered by mychemnj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are in pain and thats normal. you dont have to be a widow to miss the one you love. go an visit his grave.
2007-01-16 06:59:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are ridiculous. If you loved him you have the right to still miss him. I would be crying for years if anything ever happened to my husband.
2007-01-16 06:59:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well thats not the way of answering but they might be telling you this because they want you to let go and keep on with your life... GOOD LUCK
2007-01-16 06:55:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no because they need to respect you and let u be how u want to because if they dont let you do anything you want to then your probably going to end up hating them and not want to be wit them anymore they need to respectu and be happy for you
2007-01-16 06:59:30 · answer #9 · answered by kay w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what ever you need. It's your grieving procress not theirs.
2007-01-16 06:59:29 · answer #10 · answered by angel2005_2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋