Around this time of year, my b-friend goes into a funk, grieving for a dead fiance who died in a car crash 8 years ago. He misses her very much and is very, very sad. The problem is that I am in his life and he seems to be rejecting me since he is comparing how he felt when he was with her vs. how he feels with me. I'm very torn since I am certain I cannot possibly compete with the memory of a dead woman and should bail, but isn't it jerky of me to bail on someone who's hurting so badly? Shouldn't I wait until he's out of his funk? Otherwise, he's a healthy, happy person who has a wide variety of interests and energy. Should I wait until he's out of his funk to talk to him about really letting go? Is it possible to assess that he'll never let go and if I stick around, I'll face rejection every year about this time?
2007-01-16 06:30:25 · 9 answers · asked by BBD 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I agree that this is too long of a time to grieve. I accept that around this time, some time can be sent in rememberance, but to dry and go into disengagement of life is unhealthy. Better to be just a friend or girl friend?
2007-01-16 07:57:40 · update #1
Why did he decide to grieve now after 8 years? It sounds like he might need to speak to a councelor or something.
2007-01-16 06:34:39 · answer #1 · answered by liz g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not unusual for a person to go into a funk right around the time of year that someone that they loved died, but if he isn't showing signs of 'less funk' each year, then it might be time for him to seek grief counseling.
DO NOT try to offer this suggestion while he is still deeply depressed, because most people will take it as a challenge or a show of disloyalty. Wait until he is out of it or almost out of it.
It can also be that he needs to talk to you about her. That he needs to know that you are not going to reject him for still loving her. Remember that you AREN'T competing with her. He can love her memory and love you as well.
2007-01-16 06:57:05 · answer #2 · answered by knightofsappho 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's def. time for him to move on. I think it's ok to miss her, even kinda be in a funk for a few days but if it goes beyond that, he needs a therapist.
I think leaving him now is perfectly ok as long as you are honest with him. If you really care about him, I would wait until he is out of the funk and have a long heart felt talk with him. Tell him how you feel. Maybe he will listen.
Good luck hun
2007-01-16 06:37:05 · answer #3 · answered by kensjo63 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is definitely support him. It's hard for almost anyone to accept a loss of a loved one. But, if he can't deal with the fact that a love one is gone then he may need some time for himself. You don't deserve to be having him stuck on the past and effecting your relationship with each other. Ask him what does he want from you out of this relationship. Maybe he just needs a shoulder to lean on and not ready for an intimate relationship with another woman as of yet. Yo may need to move on as well. You deserve to have someone show you the love, attention, and appreciation you deserve.
2007-01-16 06:40:22 · answer #4 · answered by syphsss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
losing someone you love very much is hard. You just can't set a time limit on his grieve, everybody is different. and to talking to him about letting go is the wrong thing to do. He will always grieve in his own way when he has to go through B.D's anniversary, etc memories of her. Just be his crutch and love him. It just how much he can care. He will someday realize it's the "here & now" that matters... Just my 2 cents worth
2007-01-16 06:44:14 · answer #5 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sympathies to your friend..... However, there is no time frame in which Grieving and Mourning the death of a loved-one, is suppose to end........ Everytime I think about my neices, I get teary-eyed.....they both died too young, and both were just the sweetest, kindest soul's!! Especially, my olest niece, who died from sufficating in her sleep, in the middle of a seizure..... I have great sympathy, for her, because of the sad life she lived, and then she dies in such a way, I dont think I'll ever get over their death's!!! But, its not like I mourn for them everyday...... I just get sad, when its their birthday time of year, and the month's they died. And hearing certain songs, that remind me of them, or a situation, or hearing about someone else having "Grand-Malls" such as my one neice did....... So, I honestly think you shouldn't make your friend feel bad, about her loss, just let her be... And wait things out, with her, you know.... She'll come around again, when things get exciting in her life again!!! Just be patient with her, you know.... Smile!!!!
2007-01-16 06:49:31 · answer #6 · answered by Hmg♥Brd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im particularly sorry to pay attention approximately your loss. Its truly unhappy and stressful. I dont think of you will ever be an analogous or you will ever experience thoroughly chuffed lower back becuase you lost a factor of you. i'm able to assist you to recognize that the reminiscence of her will continuously be with you and you will experience unhappy at differents moments of your existence. you will pass over her so lots extra. Dont think of roughly how lots time you may desire to grieve her loss purely keep in mind her, and in case you elect to cry..cry! I actual have not experienced a loss like that yet i'm able to assist you to recognize which you may desire to enable all of it out. Dont carry your emotions it's going to make it worse. Pray and sometime you will keep in mind her and it won't harm lots... you will smile somewhat of crying.
2016-10-07 06:14:54 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he needs to go to counseling. I'm not saying he needs to completely forget about her, but I think he should be able to control his emotions by now.
2007-01-16 06:35:09 · answer #8 · answered by tHEwISE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
8yrs is he needs to see a therapist
2007-01-16 06:38:11 · answer #9 · answered by Nightchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋