My girlfriends ex husband use to tell her she was fat and ugly and hit her. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met but she doesn't believe me. I try to get her to wear sexy things to bed but she is self conscience. I try and tell her that no one is going to see her but me and that it will really make me happy. She also doesn't like to take her shirt off and likes the lights out.
I know her ex has made her like this but what can I do to reassure her that what I am saying is true she is beautiful and no one makes me feel the way she does? I just want to see her wear more sexy things to bed. over sized pajamas and night shirts aren't what I have in mind
2007-01-16 06:13:00 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Unfortunately, the changes that need to be made are within her and unless she wants them to change, you won't be of any help.
You can try to encourage her to get some counseling. You can compliment her as often as possible without seeming fake. You can buy her sexy nighties. You can throw away her sweats and over-sized shirts.
Continue to talk to her about how you feel. She needs to understand that her lack of self-esteem is an issue in your relationship. I have been in an abusive relationship, so I understand how she feels, but she HAS to help herself! You should not be expected to stay in a relationship with someone who isn't willing to try and make you happy. I think it is great that you are being so understanding and patient with her, she needs that, but unless she starts to try to work through her issues, it will take a toll on your relationship. You need to explain that (gently) to her.
Good luck to you!
2007-01-16 06:26:34 · answer #1 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Same thing happened to me many years ago and I still cannot get over what he did! Keep reassuring her as much as you can and do not give up!! You go to bed wearing sexy things and put out on the bed sexy things for her too but at 1st things that will cover her up more and then wean her down to almost nothing.
2007-01-16 06:23:02 · answer #2 · answered by rhonda_seiler 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Break up with her. You are NOT married and don't need to deal with this problem if you don't want to. Sexual issues like this are nearly impossible to solve and a history of abuse is a huge red flag. These kind of issues don't go away and often make things worse even to the point of breaking up marriages. Be glad you foudn out about this now. You should not have to live your life this way because of her defective past boyfriends or her own bad choices. There are plenty of well-adjusted beautiful women out there.
Abuse victims are terrible partners in a relationship and also tend to have family histories of abuse themselves. Do you want your kid (when you have her) to be abused at grandpa's house? GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN. Who appointed you rescuer? You are not a social worker. Have more self respect. It's bad news.
2007-01-16 06:22:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Keep telling her how beautiful you think she is. Sounds like she needs a bit of time to get used to the fact that you aren't the jerk she used to be with, and she needs a lot of reassurance. Maybe you could try buying her an outfit (nothing too kinky to start), and say something like "I thought of you when I saw this." or whatever. Good luck.
2007-01-16 06:19:33 · answer #4 · answered by ♪ ♫Jin_Jur♫ ♥ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What difference does it make what she wears?? If she's beautiful to you, it shouldn't matter.
Why are you trying to change her? If you want a girl who wears sexy clothes and likes the lights on, find another girl instead of trying to change this one who obviously doesn't like those things.
Pressuring her is just going to make her like the idea less, and make her like you less. Buying her clothes she doesn't want to wear is going to make her think you could care less about her wishes and that you don't respect her wishes, which is apparently true.
Let her change her own mind, don't try to change her mind. If you respect her, she'll respect you more. If you don't respect her, she'll respect you less and less and want to get away from you.
Instead of worrying about how she can make you happier (that's her job), worry about how you can make her happier (that's Your job)...
2007-01-16 18:47:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her ex didn't "make" her into anything she already wasn't... She is the way she is, you can't push too hard to change her. Obviously, "telling" her things and kissing up to her is not working. Just accept her the way she chooses to be (pajamas and all), this is the best gift you can give her, and the best proof of your love. Not being accepting and trying to change her was exactly what her ex was trying to do, and you're heading down the same path. Sounds to me like she makes bad choices when it comes to men she's with.
2007-01-16 06:19:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would leave her alone, she has issues, just be glad she goes to bed with you at all :) give her time, then bring it up, nicely again. But dont push her, she might not want to do what a mean tells her right now, nor feel totally comfortable yet
2007-01-16 06:21:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She seems to be very traumatize from her past relationship. Have you try to look for a counselor? A counselor might help her deal with her insecurities. You are already helping her. Keep telling her how beautiful she is, and eventually she will be getting her self esteem back. It will take some time.
2007-01-16 06:20:40 · answer #8 · answered by bbluckylove 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Take it slow and keep the room warm. See if she'll wear the sexy things while you're watching television and then change before it's time to sleep. Don't expect her to change - she may never. I am proud of my body, but I don't feel comfortable sleeping nude or in lingerie.
2007-01-16 06:20:08 · answer #9 · answered by Abby Road 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is going to take time it is hard to fix a womans self confidence after they have been put down for so long.
2007-01-16 06:18:31 · answer #10 · answered by Mac H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋