Why am i doing this to myself ?

Question

My ex girlfriend verbally abused me and treated very badly. When we used to row she used to bring up a past ex boyfrined all the time telling me he was nicer to her and stuff. She would always moan at me for the slightest thing. I went shopping for her so she could put her feet up one day and i even got a call saying i was taking too long shopping. One night after a row where i had said hello to an old friend (a girl by the way) in town she went mad at me and wouldnt speak to me. I lent her a laptop to use and even though she wouldnt speak to me she wanted to ask me questions about the laptop and passwords. She mad me so mad i litrally shook her (i was quite drunk at the time, no excuse i know) but i was so frustrated by the way she wouldnt talk to me about us but wanted to talk about passwords. All she has done is get in my mind and slwoly drove me crazy using me when she was bored or lonely. Why am i missing her and why do I want to sort things out with her? Is she ever gonna change?

Answer 1

Listen dude!
I know what your going through as i went through the same kind of thing. It aint just women who can be in abusive relationships, Believe me.
The only thing different with me was there two young children involved.
At the end of the day, there's only one piece of advise i can give you.
IT'S BROKE...DONT TRY TO FIX IT !!!
You may temporarily come to some resolve and things may seem peachy for a week or two, but as with all relationships, bad feelings ALWAYS resurface.
You need to break away!
Get your stuff and say goodbye!
That's exactly what i did. You are going to miss the relationship, but, if you think about it, all your going to miss is having a girlfriend, not having HER as a girlfriend.
A few months after i left, i met the most wonderfull Irish girl, we dated, moved in together and had the most buetifull baby girl.
Life is what you make it. Do you really want to live a life of abuse and heartache and can you honestly see this relationship going anywere at all?
I have never regreted leaving. I still see my kids all the time and i'm the happiest fella alive.
Bite the dust and do it, you need to!
You can contact me if you want anymore motivation. My mail box is always open.
Good luck matey!
I'll be thinking of you!

Answer 2

It sounds as though she may not have come to terms with her own past and as a result tried to keep you at a distance and stop you getting to know the real her. I think you saw some of what she was but it was masked. By her being upset when you chatted to an old friend means she must be quite insecure. I think she must know what she is doing but she can't change it. She may need to deal with her own issues. I don't think she used you but you may feel this way as she couldn't open up! Her wanting to spend time with regardless means there had to be some feelings there. I think you both need some time for quiet reflection. Then you need to tell each other straight! If something can be worked out it will. You both need to accept and respect the others' feelings though. Best of luck.

Answer 3

Sweetie RUN FOR THE HILLS! If what your saying is true, either you bring out a very bad side of this girl is she's just plain & simple NUTS! You do not want to be in this unstable environment. Think about this, Is this the woman you want raising your children someday? The role model that you want your future little girls to follow? No, (I truly hope this is your answer) Then throw away her number, delete her email. And get out of there.

I don't know why your missing her it could be that your not use to be alone, it could be that you got caught in a cycle of abuse & think that is what you deserve or some such thing. It could be that you honestly had developed feelings for this girl. But you need to get away from her for your own safety/sanity & hers.

Will she ever change? Well she might, but she has to want to change first, I'd lay money down she wouldn't change with you. She needs some professional help or maybe just about 10 years to grow up.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

She probably will change or be forced to change but you have not got long enough to wait for her and by that i mean life/your time is too precious.This situation has ruined your morale and i guess driven you to drinking do you really need all of this, really?You are not a doormat you are a human being and deserve to be treated like one.Please just leave and put all the energy that you would use into thinking about her into something more productive.

Answer 5

She's been burned BAD in the past. Next time she brings up an X, tell her to Go back to him then. Tell her that she deserves him then. Obviously something happened for them to break up.

Honestly tho, She wont change unless she loses you. So you have to cut it off with her, she will either see that you really were a great guy and try to work things out, or she wont, and then you are better off anyways. Good luck

Answer 6

There are some people out there that have personalities described as "sadists" and "Mascists" (Sp?). Not saying you like to be abused in anyway. Sounds like you want her attention by any means, even if it means she is punishing for no good reason. You miss her because you probably have let her "beat" you up long enough, you don't feel there is anyone else. Your self esteem is shot. She is never going to change. She is who she is, and you are who you are. My best advice to you. Go see a good therapist.

Answer 7

I hate to admit this but I once treated a guy like that. He was completely devoted to me and I stomped all over him, was mean to him and took advantage of him. Why? Because he let me, but more importantly because I really wasn't interested in him. Maybe your girlfriend is experiencing the same thing. Will she ever change? I doubt it. If anything she will probably just get worse. Move on, you don't need her.

Answer 8

Are you a masochist? If you enjoy being hurt, then you certainly are one. The dame ain't changin' 'cuz she's a sadist: one who enjoys inflicting pain or watching someone in pain.

Now, if you wish to get the upper hand, try telling her to go back to the other guy if she's not happy with you. She just might admire you for standing up to her and may(?) change. However, if she goes and does what you say, enjoy the pain one more time, lick your wounds and fuggedaboutit!!!

Answer 9

Jeesh, buddy. Get a backbone - be a man. She can't treat you like that. It's not her, it's your self-esteem. It's not going to be likely at all that she will change. Move on. I don't want to be hearing you say "Thank you Ma'am, may I have another" all the time.
You told us nothing about any good qualties she has, so there mustn't be any.

Answer 10

Even though you may be infatuated with her, I suggest to leave her. She is doing too much damage than good. No matter how much you want to "work it out", don't waste your time. You already put your hands on her, which is not a good sign.
Leave, chill by yourself for a while. I guarantee that she would miss the treatment, even if that does happen, don't go back, it's not worth it.