My mom and I are not getting along like we used to..and it really bothers me.?

Question

I am 22 and my mom and I used to be close, she and I would always hang out together, she would confide in me and i would do the same.We had our little spats but it was never to serious. But now, its as if hell froze over. Sometimes she's sweet. But other days she's awful. She doesnt seem to want to talk as much anymore,she constantly complains that I dont help around the house. which i do, i honestly do! Im sure i can do more, but i dont do nothing!She calls me a little princess, and she says she hates the fact that Im so delicate and not a hands on type of woman. Whatever she means by that. This all started when I got my serious boyfriend. I had boyfriends before but she was fine, she always talked about how rich and successful they were, and now that im dating a carpenter she's different. She also tries to convince me that Im not inlove with him,but i am. It's like she wants to run my life for me.She also keeps referring to me STILL being home.I love my mom but Im so confused

She also always pressures me o find a career, my father owns a jewellery store and he pressures me to work there, and then my mom pressures me to work elsewhere. I try to talk to her about my life but when i do all she does is critisize me. And then when i talk abotu moving out she laughs...it's just so frastrating...im the only girl,and though im my dad's princess my mom seems to find reasons to fight with me. But then she tells me she loves my boyfriend and shes happy for us, but then she always asks about my exes who i know she adored. Our last spat was because my brother wanted to go to a stripclub with all the males of the family, i didnt care. My boyfriend came and told me that he wasnt interested in going, i told my mom how sweet that was and she turned it around and told me that i made him nto want to go becuase i manipulated him. My dad wanted to go and she said david did to becuase my dad did. We never spoke of it again but she seems to be convinced that i brainwashed my guy

Just for the record. I work 50 hours a week in my dads store, and I also work part time for a swiss watch company. And in themidst of all this I volunteer at animal shelters, with deaf children, and with handicapped children. I am not afraid to get my hands dirty either.

Answer 1

I'm 22 too and I'm having trouble with my mum too, I think this is why and some of these reasons could apply to you too:

1) She's menopausal
2) She sees you as a 'woman' who makes her own decisions about life and not a girl any more, which means you're more or less on the same level and that's a recipe for disaster (two women living together)
3) on the flip side of that: she also sees you as a little girl, incapable of running her own life
4) She may seek support from you as the only other female in the family- she's run the family for years and carried all the weight on her shoulders and now you're at an age where you can share the pain but you're young and carefree
5) You're young and carefree and she wishes she was in her twenties again. She's reminded of that time and finds it difficult to relate to you because of the friction

?? Not sure if those are the reasons?

Anyway, what would definitely help (in my experience):
1) Spend time together outside the house and do something purposeful. Don't just go shopping together for groceries. Take your mum out for a coffee or to the cinema/theatre or go ice skating or go to the hair dressers/beauty salon together. Do something fun and something just for the two of you. Then you will begin to accept one another on each other's terms.
2) Move out if you can. Get your own space. It's important that you have the freedom to express yourself (boyfriends etc.) without the over-watchful eye of your parents. If you can't move out then maybe decorate your room or something- do something to create your own unique space and take charge of it. Make sure your mum knows this is your thing and you're taking responsibility for it

As for helping out aroundt the house- maybe agree about what you will do and then stick to it rather than doing things here and there. That way if it's your job to clean the bathroom, every time it's done she'll notice you did it!

Answer 2

I'm a Sadge with a Leo Moon and my mom is a Capricorn with a Pisces Moon and we are not a big hug and kiss family either (my dad is the most affectionate---well I am too, but not my Mom (Cap), Sister (Leo), or brother (Cancer). I have come to appreciate now (at least I think this is the case) that since I have a Scorpio Venus and Mars, and she has an Aquarius Venus and Libra Mars, that we just don't have the same kind of ways of expressing and receiving love. My way is wayyyyy too much for her and hers is sooooo not enough for me. She has only cried like two times that I have seen and both were over stupid things (both over money). My point is that maybe it is the Venus, Mars part that is clashing. Your sun and moon signs are compatible so I'm thinking that there might be clashings in other parts of your chart if any of this stuff is true that is :) @alldo--- :) right back atcha xD

Answer 3

Everyone wants the very best for their children, the fact that your mom asks questions about your ex is because she has doubt in her mind that the guy you are with now actually has the means to take care of you the way she would like you to be taken care of. I do not want to judge your mother as I don't know her, but it seems as though she has some sort of animosity towards your father because he is not what she wanted him to be. After seeing you with successful men over and over she can not grasp the concept of you loving a Man for what he can give you physically and emotionally. It is true that money rules all things, but it can't by happiness or love.

Perhaps it is time for you to branch out and find a place of your own. Show her that you can be an independent young woman and that you can survive on your own. It would seem that right now she feels like you can't make it without her or your father? Ever thought about that? A hands on type of girl, I think what she is refering to is your ablility to cook, clean, and hold down a job. God know you can't make it on one income in most places unless your man is a CEO some where.

You are 22 and the only one who has to deal with the choices you make in life is YOU! Of course your parents will always be there to say I told you so if it is warranted, but you are the one who has to ultimately make choices based off of what you believe in and the knowledge you have gained from your parents over the years. Life is like a giant tool box and everyone you come across serves a purpose. Take the things you might find useful and put them in the box for later use, the bad things just toss to the side....as the situation dictates you will have to tools at your disposal to help you deal with lifes many trials and tribulations. Give it time and your mom will come around, no use to let animosity build up to the point that the two of you don't speak at all.

Answer 4

It sounds like you and your mom need a bit orf room. Is this boyfriend different than the others? Think about it. Is he less dominant than y your other boyfriends? Does he make less money? Is he more sensitive? Do your brothers know something about him that they don't like? What about your father? Speaking of your father, maybe he can help include your boyfriend into something. Is your boyfriend different in his beliefs and/or values. Is his family background different than yours? These are all things to evaluate.
As a mother, sometimes I find that the best approach is to write things down, instead of hearing them or saying them.
You might get her to listen more, if you write it in a letter for her to read at will.
And, you might get all you need to say, out in the open, before she can stop you.
And, you won't have to worry about reacting and responding to something that she says that might not be the best response.
You can think of your feelings and e exactly the way you want to say it, then write it down.
Try and talk to your siblings: ahem, brothers. Ask their advice also.
THere could be a thousand things that are going on, here.
But, find a way to try and understand the true root of some of this anger or hurtful sarcasm.
If all else fails, you may have to move out and distance yourself a bit.
You may have to set boundaries with you mother.
First, though, find something that you two use to love doing together.
Find something that you both enejoy. Take her out to lunch and do it.
Let her know that your relationship with her is still important, even though you do have a serious boyfriend.
Tell her you love and thata that you are glad that she is your mother. Remind her that she raised you to be a woman with good sense and you have not forgottten it.
Well, hope that this helps.
Jan

Answer 5

Happens to all of us...well, maybe not, but to me too! From wht you write it seems like your mum wants to control your life, probably because she thinks she knows what is best for you. Maybe she thinks a carpenter is not a big deal compared with your previous rich boyfriends, you know? Maybe she thinks a carpenter won't be able to grant you the kind of life you want, or more likely, the life SHE wants for you. Mothers do that when they feel they're losing control over their kids, and it is common, so don't feel you're alone on this one. I know it hurts not be as close as you were with your mother, but you can't let her get to you , you're 22 and an adult, and you need to let you mother know this, she has to realize you're not a kid anymore, and that you know what you are doing, and want to do. And when mothers see their children as little kids they tell them off like little kids, you know complaining because you're not like her, or not helping around when you are doing it, it's typical, my grandma is the same, and sadly my mom and dad go down that path.
You could try talking to her, telling her what you feel, and if she gets mad, well, at least you tried. I would advise you take some distance, emotionally, cause if you let all this affect you you'll end up depressed, anguished, stressed, etc...so Good luck, I hope everything goes okay!

Answer 6

Maybe it's time you two had a little space. My mom and I never got along better than when I moved out of the house. Then when you see eachother it's just to be together. There's no more bugging about cleaning the house. You're an adult now, it's time to have an adult relationship. That means you have separate lives that come together to share as adults. She's stuck in a spot where she wants you to be adult friends, but you're still her child at home. That's hard for both of you. Once you move out and have some space you'll be buds again.

Answer 7

Time to save up your nest egg and fly out of the coop Sweetie. Its responsibility time. Have fun and God Bless. It will get better. Oh yeah don't forget to ask for an alarm for Christmas or your Birthday cause you'll need it when you start working 40 hours a week. XOXO

Answer 8

the changes in her life..hands on, she wants you to do more..helping out. don't be afraid to use your hands and get them dirty if you have too. another thing is she is scared for you..she doesn't want to lose her 'baby girl'. look at her reactions. you need to sit down and have a talk and/or spend a day together and shop. always remember she is there for you, tell her how much you care.

Answer 9

Don't be confused. Mom only wants the best for you. Maybe she sees something that you don't. Mom wants to see you successful and maybe in her eyes that your average Joe is not the one. But if he makes you happy make it be known, don't be to pushy you never want to have that come back to haunt you. Because mothers can do that too

Answer 10

I relate completely. I have a situation right now where my father treats me really bad. He starts arguments with me for no reason. I just ignore him and try to think positive. Sometimes that's all you can do. I hope this helped.