My ex-girlfriend is 3 months pregnant with my baby. I've tried everything to be with her, but she loves another man and wants nothing to do with me. She is 22, and I'm 26. I'm currently in college to be an elementary school teacher and have my own apartment, she works a 9-5 and lives with her parents. I want custody, or at least joint custody of our baby. Also, I would love for the baby to have my last name, but she is the unwed mother, so I believe it's her call? I don't know what I should do. Should I get a lawyer and go after her, if so, now or after the baby is born? Do I not get a lawyer and approach a different way? What are my chance if I do this? What happened to you in your situation? If you've been in this situation or know, please help me. I'm also aware that state laws vary, we live in New York. Thanks for your advice in advance!
2007-01-16 05:23:06 · 15 answers · asked by Mr.L 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Ok first of all; focus on the relationship you want to have with your child, not the fact that you want your ex back. There's nothing you can do about that if she doesn't want to be with you. Second; this woman is carrying a baby, a baby she is getting attached to everyday and will give birth to. There is no bond stronger than the love a woman feels for her child, it's something that you will just never be able to understand, and you're considering trying to take that child away from his or her mother?! That is the most selfish thing I have ever heard! That sounds greedy and vengeful! Remember, she could've aborted this child if she wanted to! Joint custody, by all means, go for that; but how dare you even think about trying to get full custody! I mean if you have reason to believe she would harm the baby, that's one thing, but you haven't said that at all.
Before you start getting lawyers involved I suggest you speak with her again (like I said, focusing on the baby, not you and her) and see how she reacts. If she is still trying to push you away from your child, then yes you'll need to get a lawyer and do it as soon as possible. Do not wait until the child is born, it could take months for legal proceedings to start. And once this child is born, your every move is going to be observed, like if you cancel a visit, or show up late, or bring the baby back with a dirty diaper, or a scrape/bump/bruise; these are things she's going to be keeping track off to hold against you if you take her to court.
2007-01-16 05:57:46 · answer #1 · answered by who-wants-to-know 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Get a lawyer now. These things can get drawn out and the sooner you get things settled the better it will be. If she has a problem with you getting a lawyer tell her that you're just trying to be a good dad and get child support established (if you get custody she will be paying you the support, but don't bring that up at this point). If you're going for full custody, make sure to document all of her behavior and keep your behavior under control. A girl that was with you at little as 3 months ago and is now "in love" with another man will probably end up being "in love" with about 20 or more men over the next 18 years of YOUR child's life. Perhaps you two could comprimise on the last name and hyphenate both of your names together. Try to keep interactions with her as civil as possible. If you think she's the type of woman who would try to file false claims of abuse against you to keep you out of the child's life then make sure you interact with her only in public places with witnesses around. Only a lawyer will be able to tell you ALL of your rights as well as make sure things are happening in your best interest. Good luck, you may have quite a fight ahead of you, but it will be worth it when you keep the best interests of your child in mind.
2007-01-16 05:57:39 · answer #2 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is such a rare post, my hats off to you. Your ex doesn't know what she's missing. I'd suggest getting a lawyer for sure, the only reason i say this is... 90% of women want to be with their baby's daddy, especially if he's as noble as this... if your ex wants nothing to do with you, then she sounds like the type of person that may want to play dirty later on. Doubtful you'll convince her to give your baby your surname, but if you get custody that doesnt' mean she/he still can't go by your surname. Offer to be there as much as possible throughout the pregnancy, take her to doc apts, buy stuff for the kiddo... all these things that i'm sure you'd do anyway, but they look great when pleading your case for custody. Keep your chin up, guys like you don't end up wiht the short end of the stick in life! I wish you all my best.
2007-01-16 05:33:18 · answer #3 · answered by Gig 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to be in her life, but you need to be in the baby's life. Get a lawyer first. Find out what your options are and you may want to try to sit down and at least talk to her. She dont realize it but you and her are always going to be joined by that baby. The baby is the only thing that matters in a situation like this. Good Luck!
2007-01-16 05:41:19 · answer #4 · answered by nashvillekat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
File a Paternity Petition in Family Court Of The State Of NY. Get a lawyer specializing in family law to help you do that. This is what one looks like: http://www.nycourts.gov/forms/familycourt/pdfs/5-1.pdf. Best of luck.
2007-01-16 05:37:24 · answer #5 · answered by Miriam Z 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I commend you for being so committed to this unborn child. Please do not stop trying to be a major influence in his or her life. I'm sure it (thier life) will be that much better just for having you in it. I would persue a lawyer and get some legal advise. I would also say let her go. If she's in love with someone else, you should move on and concentrate on the child. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you and your unborn child will have a long, happy, and healthy life together.
2007-01-16 05:32:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't want to be with you, that's all you can do. You can still be a part of the child's life without the two of you being a couple. I would suggest you get a lawyer a.s.a.p. Your lawyer will be able to give you more details on where you stand with regard to your rights and the baby.
2007-01-16 05:33:01 · answer #7 · answered by Jenna G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well. Seems like you have better means to care for the child.
Your own place. Going to be a teacher. Try and work it out with her to where you have custody. If talking doesn't work, take her to court. Make sure you're there when the baby is born to sign the papers.
2007-01-16 05:37:17 · answer #8 · answered by Barrett G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would definately consult with a lawyer to find out what your rights are as a father. She might even pull an "Anna Nicole" and try and say it's not yours, but you are aloud testing in the US. So, like I said talk to a lawyer, but do NOT let her know you are doing so because who knows what will happen. And as far as you wanting to be with her...Leave that alone. Find someone that WANTS to be with you. Forcing her to do it will be a big mistake. Good luck and best wishes!
2007-01-16 05:32:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think u should just drop the issues that u had with her and realize that u still love and care for her she's pregnant and she came to u for your help u guy's might got issues but ya need to settle them be there for her and i'm sure your get with her when your ready i wish the best for ya
2016-03-29 00:16:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋