How do you deal with someone who is a human bulldozer ?

Question

I've agreed to let someone stay in the upstairs apartment of my house. So far, she's demanded that I let her come and see the apartment any time she wishes, no matter what time it is - day or night and I must put my cats downstairs because she's allergic. She always gives me very short notice that she's coming. I'm just
wondering how we'll get along if I can't deal with her now.

Answer 1

eeek!
if there is anyway to get out of this i would do it!!....if she is this demanding and inconsiderate already, i think she'll be a nightmare tenant....if there is no way out then set some groundrules/boundaries quick!

Answer 2

If you're strong enough you bulldoze back. If you're not bulldozing material you don't get into a match with them, and that means you may have to stay away from them.

It sounds like you should nip this one in the bud and find someone else to stay there (if its the money you want/need).

If she's staying free you tell her what day she can move in, tell her you have cats and don't guarantee they won't be around, and tell her if she wants to come to the apartment earlier you want decent notice and the hours she can do that are x to x.

If she will be paying rent, you write up an agreement with a move-in date. You ask her how many times she expects to need to show up before she moves in, and if she says a number that is too high you tell her she can show up twice before move-in date, and set up a time and date.

You tell her, "I can't be having in and out at short notice between now and the time you move in, so let's figure out how many more times you want to show up before you move in and get a reading on when those times will be."

Again, the world is full of people who needs apartments. Just lay down the laws to her, and if she doesn't like it she can find somewhere else.

You may want to write up a rental (or some kind of tenancy) agreement (even if she's staying free) and include all the terms. Tell her you want to do this because you know the kinds of problems that can arise from this type of arrnagement and are trying to prevent them.

Answer 3

So this individual is not paying rent? You're just letting her stay out of the goodness of your heart? And she's behaving like that?

If she rents the apartment, where will your cats go? Will the be banished to basement life because of her allergies?

How many times does she need to look at the apartment? It's either, you rent it or you don't.

I would, in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, lay out the ground rules - the cats stay, etc. It's your house, ultimately your apartment, and she is the tenant. If she doesn't like your rules, she may want to consider other housing options.

If you do decide to rent to this woman, your best bet is to draw up a contract, and make sure it's airtight. Good luck!

Answer 4

I think you already know the answer to your question, you're just trying to figure out if there's a painless way to pull back from having her in your house.

I think you need to bite the bullet and tell her that you've had time to reconsider her stay upstairs, and you just don't feel that the two of you are compatible. Apologize for the inconvenience you are causing her, but tell her firmly and politely that you can no longer have her stay in the upstairs apartment. No matter what she says, just keep repeating that you're sorry you've inconvenienced her, but you just don't think it will work out.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Well I think you've had a pretty good indicator and as Dr. Phil says you teach people how to treat you and as Dr. Maya Angelou always says people will tell you exactly who they are believe em.

You my dear are letting her run all over you. It's YOUR apt , YOU GET to MAKE the rules. She doesn't like em she can go elsewhere.

Tell her I'm available at such and such a time and no other. I have cats and cats like to roam , if you don't like it you should probably rent elsewhere. If she's given you a deposit , give it back and say you've changed your mind.

Answer 6

when the time is right you will look into her pensive eyes and say the words that will change your life.....Pack it up, you don't live here no more, or if she is going to be a real problem getting rid of, pack her up when she is out or at work or school, place her stuff in a storage, change the locks, leave the storage info. and key taped to the wall outside, have another friend over when you tell her here's your stuff and don't come back, next move is the law. If she cries, tell here to write it in a letter and you'll explain everything......think, for 50.00 you could be rid of her for good....lesson learned, remember, experience is what you get when you get what you don't want.....good luck

Answer 7

This behavior will only get worse. Do yourself a favor and do not let this person back into your home.

It is YOUR house. How dare anyone demand to come and go as they please and how dare anyone tell you where to put your cats??!! If she doesn't like it, she can find a new place. You MUST establish yourself as the adult homeowner in charge of the place.

Answer 8

You need to set boundaries with this person. In fact, from what I've heard, I don't like her at all. It is completely ridiculous for her to think of living there when she is allergic to cats. Fact: You have cats. Hello! Tell her you don't think it is going to work out, and don't take no for an answer.

Answer 9

Ooh, I've had a similar problem. Eventually she will treat your house like it is her own, and you will feel like a visitor in your own house. You have to stop it quickly by telling her that you are doing her a favor, not vice versa, and if she doesn't like the situation that you have provided for her, she will have to find another place to stay.

Answer 10

Tell her to take a hike. You are under no obligation to put up with her--so don't.

Your other choice iss to continue to allow her to disrupt your life and and "bulldoze" you. Don't bother trying reason or compromise--people like that are not going to be reasonable--they are bullies, pure and simple. The only one who will gain if you continue to deal with her is HER--and the only one who will be hurt is YOU.