How do I tell my parents that I want to see them less often, without hurting their feelings?

Question

I live quite happily on my own, and have been going to see my parents once a week for many years. I normally spend around 3-5 hours there. However, I seem to be find myself getting bored there quickly and running out of things to talk about, mainly because not a great deal has happened since my last visit. What doesn't help, is that my dad has now got into the habit of coming to visit me once a week, even if I only saw him a few days prior to him coming. I love them to bits, and don't want to sound ungrateful, but I really want to either cut the length of my visits or cut down the frequency. I don't want to be hurtful, but at the same time it's got to the point where some weeks I just don't enjoy going over there. My weekly visits have been very habitual over 10 years or so, so any change now will seem quite dramatic. How often do other people who've left home visit their parents, and how long for?

Answer 1

gradually tell them you have other engagement to attend and will not be as available. i would also disappear sometimes.

Answer 2

You need to become less predictable so they never know when you are going to call. I think HAVING to visit on a certain day every week causes the problem. So next time visit them the day before you normally would and tell them your plans for the next day. The following week change the day again and so on.

I used to feel the same as you but have discovered that actually, parents are tougher than you imagine!

It's either this or you could go on another 10 years or more sticking to the same routine.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

Perhaps it's the rut you're in that's so tiresome, more than being with your parents...why not dare to make a positive change. (I don't consider cutting down visits a good idea, it would hurt them and you don't spend THAT long with them!) Why not say you'll meet them for lunch somewhere sometimes...or take them to the cinema sometimes instead of just sitting in their home getting bored. Take them out to a park for a walk etc., there ate loads of things you could do together. Be brave and break the routine. Instead of going on the designated day, why not arrange something else, then tell them that you're doing something else that day, but will come and see them one evening. Don't stay in the same old rut...they may be as bored with it as you are!

Answer 4

its nice that you still have both parents cause some day you won't i know you find it difficult and boring too spend a few hours with them in your old home so maybe you should go out for a meal once a month instead and maybe cut it down too two visits a month or they could visit you instead now and again
if your dad has retired he's probably got time on his hands perhaps if you went too his local pub one or twice with him until he makes a few friends he can have a chat and drink with

my mum sees her mum 3 or 4 times a week too make sure she's OK and needs any thing as she house bound
a mate of mine see her parents every day to make sure there OK an need anything

it ail depends on the kind of parents you have and there ages

Answer 5

Just cut off the visit, but don't cut off your dad visit to you. Just let them know that you are doing other things and cannot see them as often. Or when you do visit instead of sitting around the house find things that need to be fixed or cleaned or something. You are only as bored as you make yourself. They had you, raised you, and made sure that you had an education, be a little more gracious with. Who knows they may even be bored with you, did you ever think about that.

Answer 6

Maybe you would have a better time with your parents if you didn't just hang around together at their house? You could take them out to lunch, to the movies, bowling, watch a ballgame, take a walk (on the beach or at the park), or play card games. Also, it's fun sometimes to play tourist where you live. The time will go faster and you might even start to look forward to the visit. Also, maybe they would like to come to your house for a cookout. Try to change how you spend time together before you cut down on your time together. Good Luck!

Answer 7

You need to change it two maybe every two weeks. So you need to get them out the habit making small changes. For example one week phone the day before saying you've made plans and thought you call instead. Then seem them the following week and tell them you've got a big night lined next week and will likely be feeling a bit unwell so will see them the following week. Also stop seeing them on the same day every week change it to different days so there more time between each visit.

Answer 8

stop the habbit of this every week thing and surprise with the visits .
its really bad to tell them to cut the visits short . just tell the first times that u cant make it and go another day . maybe once in 2 weeks .

Answer 9

No matter how you do it it is going to hurt. I am a parent of a 24, 22, 18, and 17 year old. I know that they don't want to be around me all the time. However, they still spend time with me. Get over your selfishness and spend time and love it. They were there for you weren't they. That is what family is all about.

Answer 10

You should treasure your parents. Has it ever come across your mind if you ever lose them. I do not have my parents with me, and If I were to have them, I would cherish every single minute of being with them. You could also take time off, and when you visit back, make up the time!

Answer 11

move further away, and then say you cant afford to visit them as often... also u could just tell them that you have other plans. i visit my home every other week