My son is 24 years old, and he lives with me . I am Ok with that. He recently got out of the military. His girl friend who lives one hour away, has dicided to move , to be close to him.She has accepted a job here, but has made no effort to find a place to stay. I know that she is planning, to come here to my home each night to stay, but I am against it. She is a sweet girl, and I like her very much, but my gut says NO to this.
In the past, she has driven the 60 miles each weekend to stay here.
My son is attending a junior college, and is not working. She is in debt for $30 K+, and works a minimum wage job. She presently is living with her mother and brother.
Am I being selfish, as my son says I am. ? Should I let her move in. ?
As for me, I am 65 years old, divorced 20 years, and retired.
Thank you for your advice.
2007-01-16 04:43:52 · 14 answers · asked by RC 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Let me get this straight. Your 24 year old son is living with you and attending college and ISN'T WORKING and he says you're being selfish because you don't want his girlfriend to move in??!! You are a very loving and caring father trying to take care of your son, but he's 24 and needs to be on his own. He needs to be a man. He should find a full time job, go to school part-time (lots of adults do this), and move out with or without his girlfriend. If you don't put your foot down now, you're going to be paying for your son and his girlfriend until the end. This is the time in your life when you should be enjoying your retirement and having fun. You've done your job, raised your son, now he needs to get a job and be an adult. Good Luck!!
2007-01-16 05:46:42 · answer #1 · answered by Kimmi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT being selfish. At all. You are being fair. This girl obviously has no idea how to be an adult, 30K in debt is not a good thing.What will happen is she will take the job, move in with you telling you that she will save her money and blow it all on food and clothes!
Stand your ground. Tell your son that if he wants to live with this girl that there are plenty of college students who go to school, work and support a household, and that he is capable of doing it as well. Otherwise, it's YOUR house, not his, and he should abide by the rules, especially that he isn't paying rent.
2007-01-16 12:56:04 · answer #2 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being selfish. If they want to be together and live together tell them they need to find an apartment. You should not have to support her too. When she moves in, your water bill, electric bill, food bill, everything will go up and she may make the excuse that she has so many other bills she has to pay and can't afford to pay you anything. Your son is the one being selfish thinking that you should just let who ever he wants to move in move in. If your gut is telling you NO then go with that, usually your gut feeling is right.
2007-01-16 12:56:38 · answer #3 · answered by T.K. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No-you are not. If they want to live together, they can get a place together. Anyone offering to pay rent?
My gut says you will be supporting both of them and that is ridiculous.
The only way I would do it is if there was a time frame for when both would be leaving or help towards the living situation, such as money, cleaning, or cooking.
2007-01-16 13:28:25 · answer #4 · answered by fab 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being selfish. It sounds like you are the one who has to pay all the bills. I would lay down the law if I was you. Tell the girlfriend she is old enough to get her own place unless everybody wants to agree on some sort of rent she should pay you each month.
2007-01-16 12:52:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No your not being selfish.
your son is 24 if he wants a live in girlfriend he need to get a place of his own.
Tell your son you love him and his girl friend but your not going to have that.
It is your house,your son is saying your selfish just to get his way.
2007-01-16 15:15:12 · answer #6 · answered by ღ♥ஐcookie1ஐ♥ღ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. It is your home and you have every right to say who lives there. Don't be pressured into anything and by all means go with your gut feeling. I'm not 65, but my fiancee's son lost his job and moved back home until he found another. His girlfriend moved back home with her mother, who refused to let the boy move in with them, he had no choice but to move back here. It was approximately the same distance as your son's situation, she owned her own car and on weekends she drove here and usually ended up taking him back down with her to stay with mutual friends of theirs for the weekend. We were asked the same thing, could she move in here and get a job up here until they had enough money to get their own place. This girl already owed my finacee money that she promised to pay him back for on rent, which she has never done, also between the two of them they ran up the phone bill enormously, which was also promised back and never has been. When she stayed here previously she thought she was a queen to be waited on hand and foot, she never got anything for herself, and never offered to help do anything. I did all the cooking and cleaning. I work full time and at the time this took place we were also in the process of spring cleaning the house, which involved painting and laying hardwood floors as well as tile in the bathrooms. My weekends became nightmares, with working from daylight to dark, doing the regular chores and cooking, and them running in and out all hours of the night and sleeping till 3 or 4 in the afternoon, then in the middle of laying tile in the bathroom I had to stop so they could shower and clean-up. Of course I was told it was a good time to start dinner while they occupied the bathroom. Talk about wanting to scream! This went on each weekend until early summer, we were about to start an outdoor project, I finished up work on a Friday evening, hot and tired and our pool was full of young people. I went to be early since our plans were to get up early and start work, at some point my fiancee yelled down to keep the noise down and asked everyone to call it a night. The next day we were mid-way into the day, no sign of anyone stirring up to that point when out they came to the pool, right where we were working. Her in her micro bikini and the house really could have been straightened up from their partying from the night before. That is all it took. She was asked to leave politely, he was told no more parties and if he wanted to be with her on weekends then he had worked long enough to get his own place. We did not tell him he was no longer able to stay here but he knew she was not welcomed back to stay. It wasn't but a week or two that she had another guy that she moved in with.
2007-01-16 13:12:58 · answer #7 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, you are not being selfish. Stand your ground, and tell your son that if he thinks you are being selfish, he should try getting his own apartment and paying for his own college. In fact, you just might try doing that anyway. Tell him that he's being awfully ungrateful and disrespectful to try to guilt you into this. It's not his right to have a loving and helpful father, it's his priveledge.
2007-01-16 12:54:57 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have lived your life and worked hard. It's time for him to do the same. He can work and go to school at the same time and she can get two jobs inf necessary. I'm sure than could manage a studio apartment somewhere.
2007-01-16 13:01:47 · answer #9 · answered by content26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not for free. If you let her stay out of the kindness of your heart, she will probably take advantage of you. No you are not being selfish, listen to your gut feeling!lol.
2007-01-16 12:51:21 · answer #10 · answered by ~dreamvette~ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋