Does anyone have experience with this sort of dating? If so, did your relationship work out? We're both not as strict in our religion, and he says it won't be a problem, his mom knows, but is there anything I need to know or be aware of within his family or if I become serious with him?
2007-01-16 04:43:22 · 12 answers · asked by f a s h i o n i s t a 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Well, that's sort of sticky.
I'll take the view of the Jewish guy (that's me anyway)
Let's assume that the parents indeed are OK. That in and of itself is unlikely. But for the sake of argument, I'll go along with it. The relationship between you and him may have littel in the way of an obstacle in the way of feelings. Or values. Catholic values are more or less the same as Jewish values. But there are a lot of cultural differences that will eventually crop up. By you being Catholic, according to Jewish law, should you and him marry, the children are automatically Catholic. That won't go along well with his family, more than likely.
So the decision becomes more problematic with children. Will they be raised Jewish or Catholic? Your family and his will both probably expect the kids to be raised with ONE religion. And children cannot be expected to decide until they are mature enough to decide. But to live with both and to expect them to decide when they are old enough is a bad idea. Or to not teach them anything and expect them to make an informed decision without any knowledge is an even worse one.
Jewish people are stubborn. I know this and say this from personal experience. After all, we are still around when the Romans, Greeks, Egyptians, and Babylonians are all gone. As such, Jewish people liek getting their way. Expect his parents to be stubborn. Expect them to say one thing to you with a smile, and then the opposite to their son with a frown. It's just the way it is.
A house divided cannot stand. Dating is fine, but discussoins need to take place when things go to the engagement and marriage level. One or the other better be prepared to convert, and convert sincerely and willingly, for the sake of "shalom ba'bayt" or "peace in the home". No relationship will last without it.
My wife was raised Catholic. From a very early age she was constantly questioning things about her religion. The priest asked my mother-in-law to not send her to Sunday School at the age of six. So by age 13 she was finding out about other religions on her own to see which one fit her own ethics. She found Judaism as her best fit. Not to say that she didn't try being Quaker for a few weeks, and Wicca for a few more. That was just it. By the time we met in college, she was determined to "someday" convert. Well, she wanted to learn, so I took her with me to Temple, and she became more comfortable in her knowledge and eventually she converted. That was six years ago. But there was a common ground between the two of us that was deeper and much bigger than the relationship itself. It was the thought process, and the ethics, and the desire for something that was much more than just the here and now of a college relationship. After three months of dating we knew we would get married. But that is another story.
In the meantime, ask yourself how much you REALLY know about your religion, and how much you know about his. And have him think the same. There's got to be more. Serious religious beliefs cannot be just something you do because you don't know any better. There is a whole world of folklore, culture, food, celebrations, societal norms, what have you.
One last thing: There is a story about Rabbi Hillel, who was asked by a gentile to "explain Judaism while I stand on one foot". Hillel, a very wise man, said the following: "There are two things to Judaism: One is the Golden Rule, the second is the Shema, the rest is commentary. Now go and study". The Golden Rule is the basic "love thy neighbor as yourself", the Shema is the basic tenet of the Jewish faith (Hear o Israel the Lord our G!d, the Lord is One). The rest indeed is just details. Some important, some more or less irrelevant today.
Hope this helps.
2007-01-16 05:12:00 · answer #1 · answered by anon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I used to have crushes on every little brunette Jewish girl I ran into. All through High School and most of college. Some of them were just too cute. And nice. So, I married one.
After fifteen years of trying, it ended. Religion was the reason.
Personally, I will not ever marry any two people of different religions. I know there are some people who can make it work. But it's rare.
2007-01-16 04:49:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm married to a buhdahist turn chaotholic, and I'm a protestant raised agnostic/atheist. From my experience, there may be some problems when you get married (which church, etc), holidays (christmas, hannaku) and whether the children are raised chatholic or jewish or other. These things are not a big deal as long as you've talked about them before and have a general strategy before hand.
2007-01-16 04:52:03 · answer #3 · answered by Pirate AM™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be disowned if his family is not open minded. If you have kids together his family will expect them to be raised Jewish. You need to talk with him about this. You should talk with his mom too. Are you willing to convert, if that is what it takes to stay with him? That may come up if you plan to get married. If you two do get serious and get married, when you have kids his feelings, and yours, may be different on how to raise the kids. It's a lot to think about.
2007-01-16 04:52:22 · answer #4 · answered by Jnine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, one of my close friends was raised Jewish, and he married a Catholic. While I won't deny that they're having serious marital problems (after 14 years of marriage, I'll add), it has nothing to do with their respective religions.
)O(
2007-01-16 04:50:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother is Jewish and my father is Catholic. They are both very devout and committed to their religions. They have been married for over 30 years, so yes, it can work out!
If you want to learn more about Jewish traditions, then ask your boyfriend and his family. I'm sure they will be happy to tell you!
2007-01-16 04:55:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the third time you've been here asking about this. Sawyer (a Jewish man), I (a Catholic woman), and others have already told you it is a BAD IDEA.
2007-01-16 04:55:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a lot of guilt in that mixture.
2007-01-16 04:48:25 · answer #8 · answered by neil s 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Problems will arise in that you will be expected to 'convert' as in your case, your parents would expect him to 'convert'.
2007-01-16 04:50:28 · answer #9 · answered by buster 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know. I am not Jewish, or male.
2007-01-16 04:46:43 · answer #10 · answered by Gwen 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋