Based on my last question on how my girlfriend treats her child. He does seem beyond help. If he is ever told not to do anything, which i have tried, like hitting me with broom or throwing a chair across the room you get a "**** Off ********" response from him. I have tried to help her out a lot with him and tried to show her the right way, but she says she dont beleive in being strict with him, yet like i said earlier smacks him when he wont go asleep or listen to her. I have often sat in the bathroom with him when he baths to make sure he is ok. I have mentioned several times this isnt right and have said now he is going to school she needs to be aware of social services. She said if she hears from them then will blame me and make up stories, cause i am always saying i will take him to the park or somewhere for half and hour or so to give her a break. Now i am worried she could make an allegation against me and i havnt done anything but care for her little one and her.
2007-01-16 04:24:01 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Sounds to me like you need a new girlfriend. Seriously, if she is abusive to her son, you should report her. You can do it without giving your name, but I would make them aware of her behavior.
2007-01-16 04:29:21 · answer #1 · answered by peachy4995 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to act soon for the safety of the child, if you feel that going to the social services is a bit drastic then you should contact your local nspcc or bernardos. These organizations can often find ways to help and support parents without the child/children involved being put on the at risk register or taken into care. They will do an assessment on the situation and will only involve SS if necessary. This may take some of the responsibility off of you too as you wont have to feel that you are betraying your gf in any way but also wont feel guilty about watching the child suffer and not helping. All the best to you and i hope everything works out ok
2007-01-16 14:16:44 · answer #2 · answered by sundancer332003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may need help, maybe counselling or some such, she might feel threatened by you - it doesn't make any sense that she would say those things to you when you're trying to help. I think you need to sit her down and talk to her, tell you're only there because you care, that you want to make things better, to give her support so you can all be happy together. You sound like you're really trying to help this little guy. Perhaps her own family didn't treat her well and she knows no other way, but at least you're trying to break the chain. Its not too late to help them, the little boy will learn whatever he is shown, if that is kindness and compassion then all the better for the rest of the world, your girlfriend will learn by your example too, but it will take a long time. You really need to talk to her.
Discipline is not going to hurt him, all children need boundaries that are immovable, its the thing that makes them feel secure. He will respect you for that and it will make him feel stronger and happier if he knows the 'rules'
Good luck. I'd also suggest that you take her in the bathroom with you both, (she can sit on the loo and read a magazine for a rest) just so no one can suggest any 'funny business'
2007-01-16 16:33:03 · answer #3 · answered by Em 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best defence is sometimes attack. Make an allegation against her.
But keep in mind that social services is not always the best solution. Not for the child or for the mother. If he already tells adults to eff off he will be branded as 'challenging behaviour'. And it will take dedicated foster parents to change his behaviour. Keeping in mind that fostering can pay as much as £400 a week just remember that some do it for no other reason than the money :-(
2007-01-16 12:32:33 · answer #4 · answered by Part Time Cynic 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Spankings are not a problem, beat downs are. If you think she isn't fit then seek help. Children Services won't take the child immediately but they WILL look into it. Believe me I am a social worker. I think it may be nice if you broke up with her too. I mean do you want a future and children with her. Obviously you all don't have the same beliefs when it comes to child rearing. That could be something to consider.
2007-01-16 13:00:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think the first person is right. You should call them on her. She may be mad at you but it sounds like she really doesn't care anyway and she doesn't seem like a very nice person. For the child's sake, something needs to be done and it's not fair that she would even think of blaming it on you and get away with it.
2007-01-16 12:35:22 · answer #6 · answered by Full Moon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the relationship NOW.....
Call child care services and if you need to tell them you're also worried she'll make allegations on you because she threatened to do that if she heard from them. That should help fend off any suspicions on you, I would think.
2007-01-16 14:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by kittynala 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is really hard i havent read the other answers but i think you are in a tough position us mothers really hate being criticised and can be defensive but i think she must know she is doing wrong but maybe is stressed or depressed or something can you speak to any of her friends family or anything if she doesnt think she is in the wrong then there is a problem social services are there to help and offer support but i guess people need to want to be helped i think you should phone them and ask their advice you dont have to name names at this stage i do hope it resolves itself one way or another you care very much and that is a good thing good luck
2007-01-16 16:41:05 · answer #8 · answered by DOMINIQUE S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like someone really does need to call CPS on her. That child is way out of control, and she is treating him wrong. You need to do what is in the best interest of the child not the mother. It sounds like you really do care for both of them, but the child should come first. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-01-16 12:41:16 · answer #9 · answered by jessica c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You REALLY need to take the advice of people here and get out NOW. The woman is crazy. If she has threatened to make up stories about you, do you really want to have the label "sexual predator" or "domestic violence perp" attached to your name? Alot of women think it's ok to engage in this kind of behavior and they've ruined MANY lives. Report her to CPS and GO!
2007-01-16 13:00:05 · answer #10 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your obviously very concerned about this little boy- I can't imagine what you would see in a girl who treats her son like that. Get out of the relationship, and report her to social services if you feel it is necessary- it can be done annonymously
2007-01-16 12:31:04 · answer #11 · answered by emily_jane2379 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋