Here's my story....I am with a man who is still seperated from his wife in Australia for 9 years...I have been with him for almost 4 years. I have a daughter who is 8 years old and me and my boyfriend have a son together who is 11 months old. I take care of the kids 6 days a week...On sundays...I go out and do my own thing(my daughter sleeps over her cousin's house) while i am out....he will constanly play with the baby... even though i tell him no as it makes it harder on me when i have the baby as he always wants me right there with him....but the biggest problem i have with him is him downloading porn and watching it when my son is asleep. I think this is very disrespectful to me and i told him to stop when the baby was a month old and i found out and he said o.k. but i really do not think he ever stopped and it's pissing me off.
2007-01-16 04:14:14 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i also gave him an ultimatuim and told him to get a divorce by april 1st or i am gone cause i do not belive it is right either. I was an idiot when i had his child and he was still married
2007-01-16 04:15:42 · update #1
i do not want to marry him until he quits his crap and pays all of his debts up but i want him to get a divorce, as well.
2007-01-16 04:16:21 · update #2
i confornted him today about me finding porn again on the computer and he said i left it for you to find so you will know how i feel...which i think is just a crock of bull. I talk to my 2 guy friends who like me and can give me a better life and he does not like it but so what...look at what he does...still married and porn
2007-01-16 04:24:41 · update #3
I would be upset too! He really doesn't sound like a good catch, read what you wrote, if a friend wrote you a letter like that what would be your advice??? I would have nothing to do with a man that is still married let alone unable to respect your very reasonable requests!! He sound like he has a lot of issues & problem, you don't want to be the one cleaning them up. Leave him & ask for child support! (I do not believe in divorce, but in this situation, he is the only one married...You have no real commitment to each other! ) Stay single for a while you don't need a man to raise good children, they will probably only learn bad habbits & behavior from him anyway. Also you need to teach your kids the importants of finding a spouse who will treat tham right...Children tend to grow up & marry people like their parents did!!!
I used to watch porn with my husband!!! It ruined our sex life. Porn sex is not the same as intimate sex!! There are times for both in a relationship, but you DON'T need the tv on to do those things with your husband/boyfirends...
Also my mom tought me "Why buy the cow? When you can get the milk for FREE!!!" You are perpetuating this situation for fear of rejection by a less than mediocre man!
2007-01-16 04:59:52 · answer #1 · answered by Boppysgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a right to be mad. You can't help what bothers you and what doesn't. He might not think it is that big of a deal, but he needs to respect your wishes and do as you ask. I think you should leave him and tell him that your not coming back until he gets a divorce and learns to respect your wishes a little bit more. I've been through a divorce and I know how hard it is to leave someone that you love, but when the situation is bad you need to just leave. No matter how much you love him and no matter what he is done for you, you need to do what is best for you. He is preventing you from moving anywhere in your life. Humans were meant to keep moving up the ladder in life. He isn't allowing you to move up that ladder because he won't get a divorce and marry you. I say leave and the sooner the better.
2007-01-16 12:31:08 · answer #2 · answered by twittoe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of men watch porn.. just about as many women who watch soap operas. As long as he's not doing it in front of the children or watching it 24/7, get off his back about it. It's natural for men to be this way.
You're pushing him for a divorce NOW?? you've been with him for 4 years, you knew he was married when you met him so why is it his fault all of a sudden because you've changed your mind?
He plays with the kid on your day off and you have a problem with this? Girl you're insane. You're lucky you have a man who will have anything at all to do with his kid yet you're gonna complain because he plays with the kid all day while you get a day off??
You talk to all these other guys who like you (You said it).. I think you've got a bad case of wanting to check out the grass on the other side of the fence to see if it's greener. This is only going to cause you more grief. You're going to lose someone who sounds like a great father for someone who only says they'll treat you better. Men lie honey in case you haven't figured it out with the one you got. There's an old saying about trading the devil you know for the one you don't.
2007-01-16 12:36:29 · answer #3 · answered by sassydontpm 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I used to occasionally do the same as your boyfriend. My wife told me she considered it a form of cheating and told me that it would be grounds for divorce unless I stopped. So I did. I suggest you do the same. If you find it distasteful, or a form of cheating, then tell him as much, and break off the relationship. If the guy has not finalized his divorce it's because he is not interested in an official commitment to you. Get rid of him. He will get rid of YOU as soon as he finds something better. Your best bet is a preemptive strike.
Good luck.
2007-01-16 12:24:04 · answer #4 · answered by anon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You tell him not to play with his own son while you are out "doing your own thing"? The porn thing is a seperate issue but at 11 months, I'm guessing the kid, even if he saw some boobs would be thinking "food" more than sex.
2007-01-16 12:21:08 · answer #5 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know your in the same boat as i am with my boyfriend and his ******* wife, she lives in texas we live in wisconsin and we have been together for four years as well with a 22 month old and it pisses me off that hes not trying hard enough to get this divorce through, the porn thing we do together if we do it but i would get pissed if he was doing it by himself when i wasnt around but then agian that is a guy thing i guess
2007-01-16 12:50:13 · answer #6 · answered by <3 mykiddos,mylife <3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry dear to hear your plight...
but, i guess love over powered u at that point of time...
now u realise ur folly, but, seems like it all depends if this man u love will get a grip & start living right...
i'm not sure if u have a right 2 get mad but would it do u any good?
living together a life takes 2 to click, pls sort things out w/him...
if he doesnt follow, perhaps u outta fend for yourself more...
go go =)
2007-01-16 12:23:27 · answer #7 · answered by angi_wee2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is a future with this man. He wont commit to you and he won't let go of his Ex. I say it's time for you to leave this relationship. Nobody should have to give an ultimatum regarding marriage. If he wanted to, he would have already committed to you.
2007-01-16 12:33:46 · answer #8 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
End the relationship! Get court ordered child support for the child you have with him. Document his porn and allow only supervised visits.
2007-01-16 13:08:34 · answer #9 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you sound like you got your head on strait....he doesn't !!! that is a tough one especially you got a child with him..he really needs ti quit DICKING AROUND !! see if the ultimatum works if not leave his a s s,yes he needs to stop downloading porn VERY DISRESPECTFUL good luck be safe !!!
2007-01-16 12:22:18 · answer #10 · answered by ♥♥ lou lou ♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋