What can I do about my indecisive 4year old daughter?

Question

Some examples of her indecisiveness are: one time at breakfast she asked for cereal and milk when I poured the milk she started crying saying she didn't want the milk on her cereal. Then I poured her more cereal, put the milk up and she started crying wanting milk on her cereal. Another time she was at the Dollar Gen. store with her dollar she earned for allowance and took 45mts. to decide what she wanted to buy. I always fuss at her for doing things like this but she still does them. It's driving me crazy. I don't know what to do or how to handle this or how I can get her to be more decisive. These are just 2 of the many torments I go through every day. Please help!!!!!!!!

her older sister is 6 and her younger sister is 2.

Answer 1

Ahhh. That's a tough one. Indecisiveness can definitely be a personality trait, so the question is: is it her personality, or is she just trying to manipulate you, or is it a little of both?

I believe in respecting children, but also respecting ourselves, so allowing her to be indecisive (within limits) might help. For example, I may play the milk game once, but the second time, I would warn her and say, "Are you sure you want the milk? Because once I pour it, it's poured and I won't pour new cereal." Then if she throws a fit, it's the good ol' 1-2-3 time out.

5 - 10 minutes should be sufficient to choose something in a store. At the end of whatever time YOU set, if she hasn't chosen, it's no toy and you're out of there. Tantrum? Ignore or time out. (There's a great book called 1-2-3 Magic for this that has helped me immensely.)

If your daughter is like mine, she'll be better about choosing milk or no milk or not lollygagging in the store the next time. Good luck to you. If you resent it, change it. I feel your pain. Hang in there and do what you need to do for you!

Answer 2

I have a five year old that is a lot like this. She does the EXACT same thing with her cereal and everything else she eats. She is also very indecisive about what clothes to wear, toys to play with etc.etc. In some cases I think she is very worried about choosing the wrong thing and then regretting it later (such as what kind of candy to buy at the store). She's a bit of a perfectionist in this way and doesn't want to disappoint anyone or herself. For issues like the cereal, I let her make her decision once. Then I say "final answer??" and she has one time to chance her mind. Once she says "final answer" she can't be unhappy with her choice. For issues about deciding what to buy, I give her a couple minutes to narrow it down and then tell her we are leaving in two minutes (or whatever) and if she doesn't make a decision by then, she won't get anything.

It is hard sometimes and she still fusses now and then about her choices. But the "final answer?" thing, really helped her to realize she is making a decision that is "final"
Good luck.

Answer 3

She is controling the situation around her. Time to take control back. In the morning pour her cereal
in a bowl and pour the milk in another container
and set them both in front of her. If she wants milk on her cereal then she must do it, not you.
In the store give a set time to choose something.
When time is up, it is up. If she hasn't made a choice then she will just have to wait until another day to spend her money. You are in control,
and you don't have to fuss at her all the time.
Once she sees that you aren't caving in then she'll stop. It will take a while to take back control and
you'll have to deal with the tantrums but just stick
with it. She'll be a better person for it and some
day will thank you for it. My daughter is ODD and I
had to out think her when she was young. Now she is
a teen and when she tries to stall I just walk away and tell her to catch up when she is ready. It works.

Answer 4

Hi, my 4 year old son exhibits the same behavior from time to time. In the breakfast case I would not have given her another bowl of cereal. When my son began playing 'that's not what I wanted' I finally said 'well, that what you have today, tomorrow you can have something else.' After a couple of whining confrontations he settled down and accepted my decree. I know it sounds a bit dictatorial but it worked.

As for shopping, I have some of the same problem with dear son's 'reward points' that he gets for behaving and doing his chores. I find that if I limit his toy choices (with his involvement) before we go to 2 or 3 items then we can get out of the store quicker.

Hope this helps.

Answer 5

When you give her the time to go back and forth, you are spending extra time with her - since you have the other two, she could be looking for just some one on one time with you.

A way to get her to make a decision is to tell her that she has five minutes to make a decision in the store or for breakfast and then she has to live with that decision. You are the parent, not her.

Set boundries - she is not tormenting you. You are allowing and enabling this behavior.

Answer 6

she's not indecisive, she is spoiled. Don't give in to her constant need for attention and demands. I know it's hard to do, but if she cries about milk, just let her cry.