too much drama with the ex!?

Question

I have been dating a guy for about a month who has been seperated from his ex for less than one year. Recently they have been fighting a lot about the kid and money. He talks about this a lot to me and I try to be somewhat supportive yet keep out of his business. Honestly for the most part I agree with her point of view and he sounds a lot like he has the same prospective as my ex-husband. (he is very bitter towards her)

Do I just keep listening and hope that this will pass? He is a really good guy, he just got hurt pretty bad when their relationship ended (she cheated on him) but I am not sure he is ready to move on. Advice?

Answer 1

He needs your support, continue to be there for him at a distance. It is always shaky ground when there is an ex and a kid.

My ex put me through hell for months and months about child support, the divorce, my new relationship. Even though she is gone she F'd me yet again and now I am fighting to keep my current girlfriend because if it. You have to ask yourself if he is worth it. If you truly love and care for him then you will be that ride or die chick that he needs. If the drama is too overwhelming then you would walk away before he gets too attached to you. I think the bigger issue that has not been touched on is the fact that perhaps when he devotes so much time and effort into fighting with her you feel like you are #2 when you know you should be #1. Whether you will admit it or not, the fact that he deals with her gets you a little jealous and put doubt in your mind that he is actually over her. From a guys point of view, if he tells you that it is over and that you are his number 1 believe him, be there for him, and don't let some crazy B**** from the past ruin your future! Best of luck

Answer 2

Hmm, he is carrying some excess baggage. Stuff he hasn't been able to look at and put away. You will have to give him a chance to deal with it, but he also has to remember he's in a new relationship. Ask him to meet up with his ex to discuss everything and figure out what to do so they can each go on with their lives. I know it's not something you want to hear, but he might still have feelings for this person. When you argue with someone excessively and about the same things, it's a sign of emotions towards eachother. All I can say for you is to talk to him about that, find out if he still does. You say they have a kid together, then it's very possible that he hasn't completely let go. But if he really cares about you then he will put an end to this. Just be his friend and stand by his side, he will see that eventually and realize how good you are for him. Don't fight with him over his arguments with his ex, asking how things are going is ok, but not too many questions. He just needs more time to get over it.

Answer 3

You said something really important...that you find yourself agreeing with his ex a bit, perhaps because of your own experience. I think you should articulate this to him a bit..also, I think we all know that "cheating" is a complicated issue. Don't they say it is how the other person makes you feel that causes you to cheat? I think if he does not look at his "part" in their breakup the bitterness, lack of forgiveness, could trickle over into your relationship. Also, even though he thinks he is only hurting her, by being controlling and witholding in terms of his responsibilites to his children, financial or otherwise, the reality is that they are 50%of his DNA and he is rejecting a part of himself if he does not do EVERYTHING he can to provide security and fulfillment in their lives. You know I think you are right about him and moving on... until true forgiveness comes into play, can anyone really move on? The "bitterness" destroys any sort of loving feelings within him., and he certainly cannot extend that to you if he is caught in the cycle of the past.
Misplacing blame and responsibility and not putting himself in front of the mirror only assures repeated failure in further relationships he may look to establish.

Answer 4

You haven't been together for long. I don't think he is ready for another relationship honestly. if you think she's right about her point of view its because she only wants what their child deserves. and i get the feeling he uses the only thing he can to make her mad, child support money. u know we need that extra money. he's not saying something to you. i think he's the one having an emotional hard time concerning her and it probably has nothing to do with their child. i'm sorry, but i don't believe he's moved on because if he had he would create peace because he's happy. but instead it's more like he is still angry at her, and it seems like he hasn't let go. i say tell him exactly how u see things, and put more space between u too. it's the only way you can give importance to who you are without having some other woman dimming the light on your spot.

Answer 5

It will never pass until the kid is of legal age. They are both bitter at one another and you will always be caught up in it. So it's really simple, you have a choice to make...either you like him so much you're willing to go through some changes for a good part of your life or you decide it's the right man but the wrong situation and the wrong time.

There is no simple way of getting around this.

Answer 6

it really does sound like he's not over her betrayal. and i honestly dont understand why he would move on to a new relationship without closing his last one. although this is out ofmy league, i believe you should have a serious talk with him. maybe even get all three of you (him, the ex and you) to have a "adult serious talk". and if you really believe that he is a really good guy maybe you can be more supportive by helping him with the money issue. or just seriously tell him that, even though you love him, you realize that his ex is right about the money issue, and that you'll be glad to help him out with it. this problem isnt just gonna pass. then only way for it to "pass" is if you help it pass. good luck!

Answer 7

Personally, I think you need to listen or read what you just ask us. Especially, the part where you agree with the ex-wife for most part of the arguments. Yes, she was the jerk for cheating on him but do you know the real reason behind the reason. I think not because that's her insight not his. You only knows his because that's what he told you.
I really commend you for being supportive to him right now but I would be just a friend to him. He is not ready for anyone right now. Because he is too bitter right now to be happy with anyone, especially you. He will chew you up and spit you out and really wouldn't mean it, see right now he's not in control of his emotions. His feelings are in charge not him. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

It's hard to get involved with someone with an ex and children.If there are unresolved issues you are always going to hear about it.If you plan to stick it out get to know his ex and try to be decent with each other,you don't have to be her best bud just try and see her point of view.Sometimes with all of the anger the kids get lost in the middle and its not their fault that their marriage didn't work out.Another thing ,when you talk to her just remember there are three sides to every story- his side,her side and the truth.If you really think that he's a nice guy you can always remain friends.Good Luck.

Answer 9

It's good that you remain supportive while keeping out of his business, especially since you two have only been dating for a month. It sounds to me like he's not ready for another relationship, but I don't think that means you have to end it immediately. Stick around for a little while longer - things can only get better - and leave if you see fit.

Answer 10

i dated a guy with the same situation and he acted very bitter towards her ( i dont know if it was for my sake or to make him feel better) but inside he was still very much in love with her and he was just disguising his real feelings and he ended up back with her. i would listen to the issues and try to keep out of it too but sometimes it is best not to get to attached to the guy for fear of being hurt...i hope it does pass and he gets over it but some men can hold a grudge..