Childcare concerns?

Question

i am concerned about my girlfriends attitude towards her child lately. He is three from a previous relationship and i am growing increasingly concerned how she is treating him and bringing him up. When i am not there she sleeps on the sofa with him at the other end. She goes to stay at her mums sometimes and shares a double bed with her sister of 16 and the little boy. When he wakes up in the morning he goes to the fridge to help himself to a choclate bar for breakfast and when she is bathing him she just leaves him in the bath to get on with it. She refuses to tell him off for certain behaviour but will smack him when he wont go to sleep and plays up. The only way she gets him to sleep is in his buggy with a bottle so she can strap him in. I have only been dating this girl for a while and she has started to let me in to see more. When i try to talk to her on this behaviour she says its normal and its her kid so she can do what she likes with him. Is this a normal way to raise children

Answer 1

Absolutely not....this child sounds like he is being neglected. If you think he is seriously being harmed call child protective service.

Answer 2

It's not and she needs parenting classes.

If you're serious about her, suggest that you take parenting classes together. Tell her that because you don't have any children you want to make sure you're doing everything right when you interact with her son.

Some people don't find it very important to be a good parent. Show her that this is a priority for you and perhaps she'll see that it's what she should be doing.

In any event, if she refuses to join you... or thinks it's a dumb idea... I'd drop her like a hot potato and consider making an anonymous call to the Department of Social Services because this child is going to grow up to be a train wreck if someone doesn't intervene. The Department of Family Services is there to support families and keep them together... not remove children from the home if they're not in any serious or immediate and extreme danger. If there's enough evidence, she could simply be requested... or court ordered if it's really bad... to take the parenting classes that YOU already suggested.

If you value children and hope to have some of your own, clearly this young woman is not going to be the girl of your dreams, but at least perhaps you could do something to try to assist her and certainly to improve the situation for her child.

Best to you...

Answer 3

Please find a confidential councilor you can speak with.
A local church or community outreach program, eg. Mental Health clinic, planned parent hood, EA etc. may be of help.

Otherwise, I believe the best thing you can do is set a 'good example', when around the little guy. Bring in a quality snack, banana, small OJ, to offer leave in the fridge... or try to add a little structure to there lives... always arrive with a Pizza (even if it is only once a week the same day each week or just a slice for the little guy).

Also, see if she is up to the three of you sitting on the couch reading a short-story together and then sending him off to bed.
Promise him if he tries to go to sleep on his own tonight... you will read again next time too.

Not sure if these ideas work for you (may not be easy to implement((change never is)), but be consistant and start small.) If you girlfriend complains just reassure her you care... to have her come around to see her own errors will take time. My hopes is you may be able to bring 'calm' to an already chaotic situation, and somehow break the patterns of problem behaviors. Best of luck, may you find the answers your searching for, sooner than later.

Answer 4

Hi no this is not and its good you have noticed, my fiance was treated like this but much worse, but how she is treating him could get worse, and all you will get all the time is its her child and she can bring him up how she likes. Deep down she knows its wrong but she wont admit it as she wont like to be called the bad mother. You sound like a caring person why dont you start helping out abit, thats if you do want to get involved, he needs proper meals and good sleep. My fiances mum never use to feed him or her other children and they used to all sleep in the same bed as the house was a tip and she was in the pub all day with her boyfriends, And as she had the right to have the kids they never got looked after as she never really probably wanteded them. I hate the thought of children being mistreated and neglected. I hope you will do more for him even if your girlfriend doesnt, there is no harm in you getting up and ifcing your self some breakfast and him breakfast or a packed luched for school. It only takes a minute. Then she might realise. But be warned the way she sounds if she is out like these other mother she wont change. So be prepared for more. Why dont you bath keep a close eye on him instead at bath times as i would hate to think of a three year old in bath on his own he could drown for god sake.

You sound worried for the child so if you take the chanllenge if you love this child and the girl to try and be like a dad to the boy and then you know that he is getting looked after properly. Trust me she will let you look after him because she doesnt sound to bothered on how she treats her child. But If you dont want the challenge then there is always social services. She needs to either realise as if the child is being treated this way he will grow up to treat his child this way as he will see this a the normal way of bringing up his children in the future. But if you will take care of him this could stop.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like this woman is more concerned with what is easiest for her rather than what is in the best interest of her child. He definitely should not be going to sleep in his buggy with a bottle at 3 and eating chocolate bars for breakfast. Although toddlers can be extremely trying on one's nerves and I am sure it is very difficult to be a single mom, she needs to set up some structure and more consistent discipline. If she doesn't, she will be the one complaining years from now that she can't control her son and wondering why he acts out and hits her.

If you really like her, you need to approach the situation carefully - she sounds like she is already on the defensive. Don't criticize what she is doing, but rather try to offer up helpful hints when you see an issue (and offer to help!). For example, "It must be so hard for you to go through all that aggravation to get him to sleep. You know, I was on the web the other day and saw all these great tips on getting kids to go to bed - if you're interested, I can print it down for you and help you put it in place to see if it would work. If we can get him to bed earlier, we can spend more time together."

Good luck!

Answer 6

that's rather solid which you shield your son and are so contentious. If the area has a solid recognition however i might in simple terms ask the guy in fee appropriate to the ear. At 15 months injuries can ensue particularly particularly once you have diverse little ones twiddling with one yet another. The eating some little ones substitute eating behavior in diverse circumstances. He could have considered the different little ones eating all of their nutrition so had to do an identical. At dwelling house he would not have the competition. in case you have confidence any significant problems then use your instincts even though it feels like he became replaced often and feed. He became no longer hungry or grimy while he got here dwelling house so it ought to have in simple terms been a bad day. permit him get adjusted and look ahead to any significant concerns.

Answer 7

No she should be treating him like he's a kid not an adult..he shouldnt be allowed to go to the fridge whenevr he feels like it because then he won't learn anything..he has to ask for stuff n **** too...she needs to grow up and realise she has a child..she should be more responsable for actions and if she keeps letting him do what he/she wants then the child will always think hes doing the right thing which isn't good.

Answer 8

Absolutely disgusting! People like her shouldn't have children. If she treats her own flesh and blood like this how will she end up treating you! By the way it isn't normal behaviour and how do I know - because I'm a mother. As for leaving him in the bath, well it doesn't bear thinking about does it.

Answer 9

NO this is not normal behavior for a parent to act this way.Maybe she is stressed out. Raising a child on your own is very stressful. Does she act this way in front of her family? She needs to talk to someone about her anger. If it keeps up call the police or social services. This child could be in danger.

Answer 10

no its not normal behaviour and she's for the high jump if caught.
if you have serious concerns speak to her again and point out that its only a matter of time before social services are involved. By the way why are you with this girl? Is she someonr you'd like kids with? No i thought not, leave now before it's too late.

Answer 11

No its not right- how was she brought up- if she was brought up the same i'd run as fast as I could away from her!- if you are really concerned especially about the bath incident- thats scary- you could have a quiet word with her health visitor or report her to social services- rather be a tell tale than not prevent a childs death!