A second baby? So soon after the first?

Question

My husband and I had our first baby (a girl) in early August. We tried for two years to get pregnant, and were ecstatic to find out about her.

Now, she's five months old, and I am pregnant AGAIN (not on purpose!). I very much want to be happy, but I'm more afraid, than anything. I understand -- more than anyone -- that babies are a blessing, but I just am not prepared to be, uh, blessed again so soon. This means I'll have to go back to work six months early (in Canada we get a year mat leave) so that I can get enough hours at my job to take a second mat leave with the new baby. My husband (thank heavens!) is able to take paternity leave to watch our daughter.

My problem: the guilt about going back to work and leaving my baby girl, and the guilt about not being totally thrilled about Baby #2! I had always wanted 2 kids. Why am I so afraid? My husband is okay with it. Why can't I be more excited? What's wrong?

Has this happened to anybody else? Any advice?

Answer 1

My mother-in-law has three kids and had them all within three years.

An old friend's mom had 6 kids. She had twins, got pregnant 4 months later with 3rd. Got pregnant 6 months after that with 5th. She waited about two years before the next two.

Both of them said the same things about how to deal with. Just take it one day at a time. Don't feel guilty about your emotions. You're pregnant and it's a LOT of stress. Find someone you can talk it out with and just unload. Preferably a female friend that will just listen to your concerns as husbands tend to want to fix everything and have a hard time just listening.

Then concentrate each day on finding something positive about each child.

It takes work and perseverance, but you'll get through it.

Answer 2

I understand completely!!! First take a breathe relax and know that it will all be okay! My first child was also five months old, actually not quite and you know what....I will be completely honest with you it is the best thing to ever happen. I also have two other kids not as close and my two that are 14 months and they are a full time job. The two that are so close together always get along and they are into the same things and sooooooo easy.......they have grown up together they are now 7 and 9 and I can't imagine them being farther apart it is the greatest! I will admit that the first 3 months were hard but after that when we got our routine down it was easy! Good luck....remember to breathe it will all happen naturally and it will be the best time of your life!!!!! Good luck to you and your husband and know that it will all be okay! Advice wise........don't forget to include your older child with the baby.......get a towel for their bath, hold the shampoo til you need it and then get the diapers after they are out......also they can do many other things to be a big kid......like help dry dishes and things good luck again!

Answer 3

I know how you feel. When I got pregnant with my third, I was not thrilled. We didn't plan on three. We had just built a new house, our kids were past the baby stages, and we were settling in. We were totally out of baby mode. It took me a couple of months to get used to the idea of having a baby. But now that she's here, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. She was a surprise, but we're so happy to have her. Give it time. After a couple of doctor visits and seeing your baby on the ultrasound, you'll get excited about having another. They're such a blessing, even if they are unexpected ones! Good luck.

Answer 4

Omg you sound like me except i didnt have to go back to work, my husband works a 40 a week job and over time every day plus does yards on weekends to keep us up...but it has been fun and i was very scared and not excited at first but your babies will be closer in age which makes it a little easier when they get grown up to toddlers, then they will start school at basically the same time and you will have nothing to worry about just look at the long term effects and you will see that it is easier to have them close together in my opinion and they will be close i hope...but good luck to you and once that baby comes out i think you will change your mind but we cant help but feel afraid sometimes about these situation..just keep your head up and look at the positive sides of things...have fun

Answer 5

Well I am 7months pregnant, this is my 2nd, I already have a 2yr old girl. I know it's not exactly like your situation but I'm only 21yrs old. I kind of know how you feel. I'm not as happy and go lucky as the 1st pregnancy, but I think it's because when you 1st go through it, you really don't know what to expect but with the 2nd you already kind of know. But I just take it as a blessing that God chose me to bring these 2 creations into the world. Take it 1 day at a time, I believe you will be ok. I wish you the best of luck. Try not to stress it.

Answer 6

Hi there,

My kids are 15 months apart. We were unexpectedly blessed too. When I found out I was pregnant AGAIN I was inconsolable. I have always wanted multiple kids too so I didn't understand why I felt so guilty and upset.

Throughout most of the pregnancy I refused to acknowledge the new life inside of me. I just couldn't cope with it. I went to all of the doctors appointments and went through the routines but I was in denial.

Even giving birth to my son... I didn't want to hold him or have anything to do with him. At one very low point in my pre-natal depression, I tried to convince my husband to give our son to a good friend of mine (she and her husband have been unable to have kids of their own). I am embarrassed by the way I felt and am only sharing it to try and help you.

For the first several months of my son's life, I felt angry with God for sending him to me so soon. My hubby and I added up the daycare costs and decided that I didn't make enough money to pay for 2 babies in daycare and so I left my career to stay at home with the kids.

That was then. Now, I have an adorable almost 3 year old son whom I love more than life itself. His 4 year old sister and he are best friends and they share and fight over every thing! I can't imagine life without them both! They are the light, love, and laughter of my life.

Pre and Post natal depression is a very real thing. Talk to your doc about it. Stop feeling giulty. Do your best as a parent... Don't beat yourself up over these things. I am not going to lie, having children so close in age is a challenge but also its own reward.

The other day I asked my son who his best friend was. He told me it was his SISSY! They are building a relationship that is strong and close. It comforts me to know that when my husband and die, they will not be alone.

Answer 7

Hey, it happens! I have know people who have had children even closer apart in age! You will always feel guilty leaving your children to go back to work no matter what age they are. I have a feeling that when you hold that second baby in your arms, you will realize that all the worry was for nothing! Things happen for a reason and although you may never understand why, you eventually realize that it was for the best! Good luck to you.

Answer 8

it happens....
I had my first kid at 24 years old. I had him in oct 02 and then I got preg. 5 months later and I almost had a fit!
I didn't want another child and I almost aborted him but it was too late. My husband was excited. 2nd son was born Jan. 1st '04. I didn't plan it but he did. I was so mad! I did graduate college though. It will be ok. Look at it this way, the hard part is while they are in pampers, after that, it gets easier. At least they will grow up with each other. And you can use your1st baby's hand me downs.

Answer 9

Yes, it happened to me. Mine aren't as close as yours will be, I got pg when my first was 10 months old. I went straight from the doctor's to my Mom and cried on her shoulder! I had a traumatic experience with the birth of my first and wasn't ready to go thru it again so soon, not to mention my daughter was colicky and and had what we found out later to be Autistic tendencies. It was hard to have another so soon but you know what? It really wasn't that bad, and now because they are close in age they play together real well and I wouldn't change it for the world. I am in Canada too so yes, it broke my heart to go back to work so soon, I cried at work all the time and as soon as I got my hours in I quit! Good luck, you will be ok, I promise.

Answer 10

This happen to me.I had 2 babies in pampers .I understand your fear and guilt feeling about baby # 2 and not being prepare,you will do find the good thing are you have a supported husband who is willing to help.Relax everything will work out find.