Ok, I have two childern (I had twins), and about 4 months after I had them the father ran off. Shortly afterwards I went to Public Aid to try and get help for child support. My kids are know 14 months old, and I still haven't received anything. When I call and ask whats up, they tell me he quit the job he had. He has done this quite a few times, and they tell me there is nothing they can do about it. Now the last time I talked to them, they told me that they no longer know where he's at. So while I'm at home taking care of two childern he's out sleeping around, riding his motorcycle, and having a good time. I don't think it's fair, and I'm doing all I can think of Just so I can get back on my feet, but it doesn't seem to be good enough. And to top it all off someone has been vandilising my car. Broke side merror, slashed my front tire, and dented my hood. I have no money, and can't get my kids into a daycare so I can go look for a job. I just dont know what to do, can any one help me?
2007-01-16 03:02:28 · 24 answers · asked by Beautiful_nightmare 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
To all who where nice enough to give advice, thank you. But to those of you who insalted and ridiculed me you all can go F*** yourselves. I was dating him for three years before we got engaged, and I was with him for another year before I had gotten pregnant. I hadn't even slepp with him till we were engeged. He was good to me all that time but once I had the babies he had changed. Its not like I was out sleeping around. So to anyone and every one who wishes to leave a rude comment shove it! because I dont need it. No I don't want him to suffer the way he has made me suffer. But I do think he owes me, at least enough to help me get back on my feet. Enough so I can get my kids in to daycare so I can get a job. Then he can keep his money. So again thank you to all who are kind enough to give advice. But as for all of you who wish to insalt and ridicule me I will be more than happy to tell you where you may go!
2007-01-16 03:25:51 · update #1
Hi
I know how you feel i have be divorced 5 and a half years ..i have 3 childeren with my EX.he also sounds like your ex ..except he lives with his girl friend that he cheated on me with ..he does live near by us ..he does see his kids every other weekend ..but i have trouble getting him to Pay child Support ..i have a child support case open with the Child support office and i have to call them several times a month and let them know he has not sent nothing in a while and then it takes them sevral weeks to get even a letter out to him ..to thearting him to pay or go to jail ..but now he is 11,456.00 in the hole ...maybe once a month he might send 60.00 dollars ....so i call the child support office once again to get on his ***... then he might send 120.00 ....really thier is no hope ..also i have learded that if you have family near by like your mom or some one who can baby set for you ..also the welfare office has programs you can get involed in like they can help you get a car ..Did you know that ? they will help you get uniforms for your job if that is required did you know that ? But inorder to get this stuff you have to ask ..you have to have a job ..oh yeah they will help pay for day care ..expences some if not all of day care ..then once you get a job then ask you local DHS office about helping you get a car ? i didnt know this until after my divorce and he left me high and dry my car broke down and some girl at work told me that the DHS office got her a car and payed for her insurance to get her started ..but they dont tell you this stuff you have to ask .
Also HUD will help you get a house and help you ..it sounds like you need to move he knows where you live .
Then call the child support office and stay on them and he if gets a job that dont pay under the table then they will be able to take money out of his pay check for child support .also you have to do a little investagating your self ..do you know any of his family ? do you know any of his friends he hangs out with alot ? if so talk to them and find out where he works and or lives ! but just dont do it in a threating manor just be cool and say i was just wondering where he might be at or working at making sure he was alright and if you see him let him know i would like for him to come see the kids .get as much info out of them as you can .then call the child support office and let them know .you have to do the work ..to get this **** started .i know i have been on my ex for years .
I hope this helps
Lots of luck !
Tina
2007-01-16 03:30:25 · answer #1 · answered by Fisher 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm mid-20s and have a degree, earn a lot of money, travel blah blah but to be honest it's scaring me that I still haven't had kids yet, that means my kids will still be harassing me when I'm 45-50 even if I start now (unlikely), I'd rather have popped one out a couple of years ago, then by the time I'm 40 (when I'll have more money, and won't be totally over the hill) I'd still be able to travel etc. Men can leave at whatever stage so I don't think that's too relevant. I have an educated, well-off 35 year old co-worker who has been with her husband for 10 years and they both agreed to make the educated decision to have a child last year and he just left her with their 1 year old and moved overseas and is not paying. So while the baby is this age she basically has the choice of either quitting work and living off benefits, or spending a chunk of her income puttingher child in care for 10 hours a day. If she had a 10 year old it'd be easier.
2016-05-24 23:50:30 · answer #2 · answered by Karen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I raised 3 kids without any help from their deadbeat dad after I finally had the sense to divorce the idiot. Men can be scum. Sorry that you are going through this. Life is hard, and as you can see, not too many have sympathy. You need to look for jobs in the paper and internet and set up a bunch of interviews and find a friend/family member to watch the kids so you can get a job. Public aid will help pay the child care. But you need to work, maybe even 2 jobs if thats what it takes. I would not count on help from the deadbeat. Then, you have to think about your future and what you want to do, make a plan, and stick to it. If it means 2 jobs or 1 job and school...you need to think about long term goals also. Its not going to get easier as the kids get older, it gets harder. Dont fall in the trap of feeling sorry for your self while doing nothing to fix the situation. its too easy to be a victim. Only you can make the future better for you and your children. Be strong. Good luck.
2007-01-16 03:34:45 · answer #3 · answered by lady_daizee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a learning experience. Try to ask family for support if you didn't burn your bridges.Your babies father is someone how is just another dead beat. Try to get your kids in nursery with public assistance. If your young you are going to need a lot of help but don't give up. This is a building and a maturing stage of your life stay strong.
2007-01-16 03:11:47 · answer #4 · answered by Mr.Page 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to court. You can do it yourself, go to your local court and tell them a little of what's going on and they'll tell you what papers you need to fill out. You can get assistance with paying for it - that's more forms. That's what I had to do when I filed for divorce. He didn't even show up for court and I got everything I wanted, which wasn't much, just one of our cars and child support. Since your ex doesn't have a job the government will pursue him and he may even end up in jail for not paying. Which will put an end to his sleeping around and riding his bike instead of taking responsibility for his children. Eventually you'll get help for your kids.
I hope this helps you and I wish you and your little ones all the best!
2007-01-16 03:10:26 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
my oldest child's father does the same thing...as soon as child support catches up with him...he switches job, you might as well get used to it now. He's been doing this for 5 years. I don't know where you live, but in most states there is a program called TANF through Social Services. They give you money for like 4-5 months to help pay your bills, and any money they give you, your children's father is responsible for paying back to them. You should at least check it out. It may not solve all of your problems, but it will help a little. Also, anything you know about your ex, make sure DCSE knows, if you know his address, ssn, phone number...anything, you make sure they know it too...all of this info helps them to find where he is working to get your money. It will all catch up with him sooner or later.
2007-01-16 03:09:36 · answer #6 · answered by ~~kelly~~ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Welp, more than likely, it's HIM or one of his buds or g/f's that are vandalizing your stuff. Do you not have family that can help with childcare while you look for a job? What about your church group? I personally wouldn't put my kids in foster care, too many things can happen.
There's not much you can do about this man, since he's quit his job and the gov doesn't know where he works, to garnish his wages. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men that do this, and once they are located they usually run fast, so they don't get caught. But yes, please check with your local church group, friends, family, the YMCA can even help.......
2007-01-16 03:24:34 · answer #7 · answered by rocketgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in your situation you need God. He can take care of you and see that you and your children are going to be well taken care of. It is sad that the children have to suffer but with God all things are possible. He can help you and he will if you ask him. He'll help you find away to get money and have diapers and formula and anything else you need. He could even help you have money to put them in daycare so you can work. God can turn your life around and make it better for you and your children if you'd just ask him to.
2007-01-16 03:10:55 · answer #8 · answered by Irish Girl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is a Federal Government program to aid your situation, and you will need his SS Number for that.
Get Legal Aid from the Court and take him to court for A Child Support Judgment against HIM! With that in place you can apply for ADA, Aid for Dependant Children and receive State Monies for support!
They will in addition Garnish his wages for Repayment of Support!
Check with you Local Court House, Legal Aid department.
Thanks, RR
2007-01-16 03:08:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
ok now you need to really GROW UP for the sake of your children. they need you. let the courts chase him down and make him pay and you worry abut those two kids!! girl you got to you did the deed too. whats with us women? We want it just not the consequences of our actions? call the police about your car, there is state aid for daycare so not sure whats going on there. contact a social worker or put the kids in the "hands Of DSS" who may help you
2007-01-16 03:08:47 · answer #10 · answered by swimmyfishy 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋