family and their advice during your pregnancy?

Question

I am half way through my pregnancy and family members and sometimes even close friends of the family. Try to give advice on things they don't have a place give advice in. Things that boyfriend and I have to make a decision about. Things like how I should raise my daughter. I grew up in a city but i spent more of my time in the suburbs(where people in my family have come to say i act white). So i rather raise my daughter in a mixed neighborhood then just raise her in the city. Then people comment on how i discipline my daughter...such as whooping her when she dors something bad. I have never been whooped. My daughter isn't here yet and people already trying to give their two cents. I am more so saying what can i do to stop people from doing this toward me and has this ever happen to you?

Answer 1

Do the Autonod. Just smile and nod and pretend you're listening.

Answer 2

People will always offer their opinions whether you want it or not. There is nothing you can really do about it. I have fought this fight over and over with my family, and now at 35 years old, I have learned to listen to them, and take what I want from their advice and ignore the rest. You will never make everyone happy, and there is no need to try to do so. You and your child are all you have to worry about in life. This doesnt mean "F" everyone else, just make sure your happy first and that your child is safe, and in a good clean and healthy environment. I grew up in the rough side of Detroit, MI and now I live in the suburbs. I think that I am better for it. I know where Ive been in life, and know where I am going. I am a good, happy, and responsible person/parent. As far as discipline, everyone has their own way. I was whooped everytime I did something wrong, and I am fine. My 3 children have never been whooped, the 2 oldest are both members of the Junior National Honors Society, and the youngest is doing great in 2nd grade and appears to be heading down the same path. Discipline can be dealt in many ways. I have NEVER had to drag a screaming child from a store, and when it is time to leave the Park, or Chuckie Cheese my children simply grab their stuff and head for the door. My children respect me, not fear me.

So basicly, do what you feel is right. Love your child, be firm and discipline how you feel fit. Never abuse them, talk to them, and explain things to them from the start, and they will grow up fine. If no one likes it, to damn bad, its your family, and they can kiss your a$$!

Answer 3

I had the same issue. Right and left people would just tell me how to raise my son before he was even the size of an apple! I learned to tune out a lot that was unwanted advice or if it really bothered me and I was comfortable enough with the person I would let say, "I'm glad that worked for little Bobby, but my husband and I have decided to try this" or just let them know that your brain is on overload and needs a break from everyone's 2 cents. The further into your pregnancy you go and especially after the baby is born you will have the courage to tell people how it's done in your home and even to back off if necessary. You will make a fantastic mom.

Answer 4

Going through the same thing right now myself. I just polietly say that when the time comes to make those decisions me and my husband will handle the way WE feel is best. Or say me and my boyfriend will cross that bridge when it comes to it. Also dont let people say stuff like you act white or black, is there really a way to act those "colors" if so thats sterotyping. Raise your baby the best way possible. I am white and I want my child to grow up in a mixed neighborhood as well because in reality no society is all white or all black we are all people. When you turn out the lights we are all the same color and we all bleed the same blood. No one is better than someone else and that is one of the most important lessons i hope to teach my child. Good luck.

Answer 5

I grew up in a wonderful neighborhood with my best friend being black...I learned so much from her and her family that I will always cherish as the good in my life...Their family was well thought of in town; respectable. There is not a thing wrong with mixed neighborhoods, it is how people raise or do not raise their kids. We both were whooped. We turned out fine..
If you get real peeved: Tell them you have a right to privacy and what is mentioned is a privacy issue..that gets them every time!
Has it happened to me? My sister in law was so nosey that ...she was wrong every time!!! You think of the horrible things that one person could do to another, short of murder, she did to us..and every time unfounded on our part...
Stand up to people...nicely.

Answer 6

When you are pregnant it almost seems like you have a big sign above your head that says "Please Advise Me On How To Raise My Child" because everyone wants to give you their 2 cents. When I was pregnant with my son everyone had their opinions on what I should do and they voiced them quite often. The best thing to do is looked interested and then let everything that they just said fly right out of your head.

Answer 7

If you're frustrated NOW, just wait!! When your child arrives you will get even MORE advice!! It's amazing how everyone, even those who never have had children have advice for you!!
Really, there is not much you can do...you only have control of your own actions and reactions.
What I did while pregnant (and still do) is smile and say thank you. That's it...I make no comments, just "thank you for sharing".
Then I do what I think is best, as is my right as mommy!!
So, to answer your question...there is nothing you can do and yes, I think it happens to everyone!!

Answer 8

this is the part of pregnancy that drives me crazy!!!

i'm 23 weeks and it seems like everyone has an opinion, from what i should be drinking to when i should take off work. spanking vs. time out is also a big subject. whats the worst is when people who have never even had kids are telling you how hard it's gonna be and labor is so awful, ect. People at my office are so awful about this.

i just ignore what i can, smile, and go about my business, they just keep talking but i dont really listen.

Answer 9

I think every woman goes through this. Everyone has an opinion on how to raise your children. If people are interfering and hindering how you plan to raise your child then you have to tell them outright. You don't have to be rude, but a firm "thanks, but I plan on doing it this way." will get the message across.
If people are just offering their unsolicited opinion which is very common. Those mother in laws especially like to offer it, than you can just smile and change the subject. And of course do things your way.
My husband and I had to be honest and upfront with his family when they tried to tell us how we should plan our labour!! We firmly told them that we have a plan, for our labour and that they needed to respect our wishes, and they did. Simple as that. Be honest and upfront, and express that this is your child, not theirs.

Answer 10

they're your family and friends.
some people have no tact, but they are still in your life.

you can either A-cut them out of your life or B-let what they say roll right off your back and not let it bother you.

you will have people trying to tell you how to raise your daughter for ever. don't let it get to you.
also, remember, that sometimes there is wisdom in what other's have to say.
it's your job as mom and dad to decide what applies to you and your family and what doesn't.

take care and relax a little...thisis a special time:)

Answer 11

When someone gives you advice, just smile and say that you will think about it. You are the parent and you will make the decisions on how to raise your child