Do you want to know about your significant others sexual past?

Question

My girlfriend of over a year told me in the beginning of our relationship that she had an affair with her son's coach . SHe is now divorced and we are very happy together . My problem is that occasionally think about this short affair and I imagine what happened when they were alone and it really bothers me knowing she was with this person, but I never even think about her with her ex just this guy who I don't even know . We are both in our for 40's and I can't believe this bothers me so much to think of her having sex with this person . I know that I have a past too and I am not passing judgement on her affair just hate the mental picture of that and knowing that she was with this person 4 times .
has anyone else had this problem with their mate and how did you overcome it . I really wish that she never told me this . I love her and want a future with this woman but I need to find a way to deal with it , I can't afford a shrink so I am asking for your help .

Answer 1

My boyfriend and I were friends for over a year before we started dating. And he had a girlfriend that time too. Our friends all knew they were having sex. I was just like whatever.

But now, WE are in a relationship... almost a year now. Sometimes, I still think about him and his ex having sex. I hate it.

I was actually having the exact same thoughts about my boyfriend lastnight. It KILLS me knowing he had sex with someone... I'm saving myself for marriage. But all I can really do is look at the present and our future because he is with ME and respects me enough to wait till marriage to have sex. He will never push me into having it. He is a good guy and loves me. That's all that counts.

I think we should just realize that they are with us NOW and that's all that should matter. The past is what brought them to us. What helped me forget about it lastnight was looking through my diary and reading all the cute entries I wrote about us when we first started dating. Just focus on just the two of you. I know it may seem harder than you think. But seriously... it's all about the state of mind. Think about all the great times you are having with this woman. Because that's all that counts. ♥

Answer 2

No I do not want to know about my significant other's sexual past. What little I DO know about his sexual promiscuousness does bubble up to bother me sometimes, when we're out at a resturant where way too many pretty waitresses know him or call him 'hon' and I can't help but wonder if he's slept with them. But you know, thats part of being in an adult relationship... both of you have probably had sexual relations with someone else before you met eachother. I personally, just push it out my head, take comfort in the fact that this man is with me, he isn't shying away from letting everyone know he's with me, and we're lucky to have eachother and be in love. Thats enough for me.
Otherwise, communication is key in every relationship, if you're insecure about her past, talk to her about it- just know that ignorance is bliss, you might not want more informaiton, so don't ask questions you don't really want the answers to.

Answer 3

Sometimes when we date people and know things about them and find out something that they told us that disturbes us then it is hard sometimes to not think about what went on when we around. Had your girlfriend not told you, you might be questioning her even more, so she did the right thing and of we have to be honest about our past so the other can understand of the things we have faced. You can overcome it you just choose not to because you think she might be prone to doing it again. She has more than likely forgotten it and If you tell her what you think then maybe you and her figure out between yourself how you can deal with even before you consider a shrink. Women like men to be honest with about something they have told. If you want a future with her keep the line of communication open and keep an open mind.

Answer 4

When I am with the man I am inlove with I do not even want or think about my past boyfriends, and I do not care how good looking they were or how good they were in bed. The man I love is my entire focus. I am telling you this because I am sure your girl feels the same way about you. Time makes you forget the intimate details with someone else. So my guess is that this other guy is blown up in your mind to be more than he really was. If not, she would still be with him not you right?

Answer 5

You are given 2 choices now-drop her like a dead fish (no need to bother you anymore) or accept her as what she had been (forgive her whole heartedly for being loose because you can never forget unless you go senile)....whichever choice you made, follow the rules strictly and never turn back to even think about it anymore...why...becos lives is too short to bother yourself with such insignificant stuff....like you have said....we all have histories.

Answer 6

in case you could't talk overtly about some thing then what do you men have at the same time, do not get me incorrect i do not opt for information yet i imagine that anybody is curious and needs to appeal to close what or maybe as it went incorrect so that they do no longer make a similar mistake also i'd opt for to appeal to close what my boyfriend likes sexually

Answer 7

I have felt like that - and sometimes I still do. It will ruin your relationship. You need to stop obsessing. I get it - I am probably OCD, though - you need to revisualize perhaps, you wooing her away from him instead of them together. Sex is so personal and so vulnerable. She is with you not him. Try the visualizing - it may help. good luck - i can sympathize!

Answer 8

what she did is in the past just remember she is with you now and she is with you for a reason. she only slept with this guy 4 times and chose to stay with you. You must be doing something right.

Answer 9

The person who you love is a result of every action she has had in her life. Remember, you fell in love with the person she was the day you met her.

Every time this "mental picture" comes into your mind, verbally erase it by saying, "I love her, she is with me." Do not fixate on the picture, delete it.

Answer 10

All you ever want from you significant other are copies of test papers (STD'S, HIV, AID'S testing). As long as they all say negative, I say don't worry about her past. Don't ask anyone a question you don't want to know the answers too.