Should I Keep this from him?

Question

Tell my husband that our son is gay? I have no problem with it but I am sure his dad would not approve it.Son his 20 been hiding this from his dad for 4 years now.His dad hates gay ppl and my son does not want his dad to hate him.

Answer 1

1. Your son should tell him not you. That is his business yes he shared it with you. I mean maybe you could help him tell his father but its not your responsibility to tell him.
2. Your husband should deal with it. I know a lot of people may not believe what I'm about to say. But being gay isn't always a choice some people just can't help it.

Answer 2

I am so sorry for the spot you seem to be in. I would talk to your son and tell him that you are going to have to tell your husband (his father) or he can. I would have to say that it may be better coming from you only so the father has some time to digest it before he acts. You could even tell the dad that he is going to come to him and tell him but you thought it best if you talked to him first so that maybe he could voice his worries and concerns to you. I would personally act as if I didn't know. Then casually talk one night how I was thinking our son was gay. That way he would be thinking about it and you two could talk about it like its new for the both of you. It would be a tough spot to be in.. I wish the best for all of you.

Answer 3

I'm sure dad must suspect some thing,have a family meeting put it all out if hes angry then he will work through it or you all will need some professional help.dad does not have to like his sons sexuality ,or agree with it but,he is his son blood is thicker than water.dad needs to under stand this is not a reflection on him.i have gay friends and they say its not a choice its just the way they were born.it is not some thing you can turn on or off.young people that are gay can become suicidal because of the parents and society not being acceptable of them and that scares me.good luck .

Answer 4

This is a tough one. I am sorry your son is gay. I have 3 boys and hope I don't have to go through this. But, I don't know if you should tell him or if your son should. I think you and your son should do it together. That way your husband can see his face and how much he loves his son. You already know he will be HIGHLY disappointed. That's a DUH, however, it is his son. He may be totally pissed at first but that doesn't mean he wont learn to accept it. People tend to react differently when its in the family.

Answer 5

I would guess that in the back of your husbands mind this though has occured to him. Usually there are signs of this from early childhood. You need to have a talk with your husband and expalin that this in most likely something that he was born with and not by choice. Your husband will either accept him or not. It will be sad if he choses not to accept him but no matter what you need to support your son. Even though you may not agree with his lifestyle he is still your son and he can never be replaced.

Answer 6

Relationships are based on trust and communication. I do not think you should keep it from your hubby. He has every right to know just like you did. I am sure he will not hate his own son for a decision his son is making. Your hubby will have to find a way to deal with it. Any support you can give him while he copes with it would be great.

Answer 7

Better if you and your son tell him then your husband find out by someone else. give your husband time to get over the news. You might be surprised and he might actually support your son. This is his son too and I'm sure he loves him with all his heart.

Good luck

Answer 8

i think you should talk to your husband about his irrational hatred. i cant imagine it is nice at all to live with someone who has hate in them like that. you could point out to him that the vast majority of homophobic people are represed homosexuals.

i dont think you should do anything without talking it through with your son. i guess it is his decision, but im sure he would like future boyfriends to visit his family and his dad to be a proper part of his life.
this is a very difficult sitation for you. you must think of the consequences and what you are prepared to do. if your son tells his dad he is gay and he is thrown out the house would you stand by and watch? i think your priority should be your son and a dispute like that will almost certainly corrupt your relationship with your husband. this could be absolutely devestating for your son but i would guess he has to know that you love him and his fathers opinions are wrong. he may well face this sort of prejudice again and you want to have taught him to be proud of who he is and never ever feel ashamed of his sexuality.

i think your husband has to know. but telling him could be difficult. i am sure he doesn't want his relationship with his son damaged at all and will find it difficult if he is as prejudiced as you say. so even though this needs done dont rush into anything and make sure you know exactly what you will do when you tell him.

thanks for your face.

Answer 9

Talk to your son about this situation. Explain to him that he will have to tell his father. This is not something you should explain. You can be in the room when he lets the cat out of the bag and if his father becomes angry, it will be your job to calm him down. But let your son explain it. If his father decides to disown him, that is his father's decision and you will have to respect that. However, his father will have to live the rest of his life knowing he has disowned his own flesh and blood.

Answer 10

I think that is a decision that is best left up to your son. If he wants you to, then help him out. It just be one of those ' what he doesn't know won't hurt him' situations where the dad is concerned. It's kind of ironic though isn't it, that dad's prejudice is about to bite him in the butt.