My boyfriend of a couple of months seems to be hung up on his ex who is his daughters mother. The relationship ended over 10 years ago but he still talks about her as if she were a real goddess and says he wishes things had been different between them. Obviously it seems like I'm stupid to be staying with him but it's allready too late, and there is real chemistry between us. We are not teenagers, but I don't know what to do. What do you think, is it worth pursuing it and risking being dumped for the ex if she clicks her fingers, or am I worrying about nothing. Any sensible advice apreciated.
2007-01-16 01:34:45 · 21 answers · asked by helloha06 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Tell your b/f that he has to get over the ex or risk losing you, tell him you will never expect to come first to his daughter but you dont expect his ex to come above you, Ask him how he would feel if you talked about your ex's all the time and praised them like he does her. If you can talk about this with him you will get through it with him but it will take time. All the best.
2007-01-16 01:42:57 · answer #1 · answered by Michele 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable that you were feeling a little down about not seeing her two weekends in a row but you also have to understand that she has a life outside of you as well. I could see it if you were feeling insecure because she was hanging out with her girlfriends both weekends but she was doing family things and a lot of times, the weekend is the only time people can do things like that (if a person has regular working hours). You're inability to be understanding could be a major turn off for her and it might be why she wants time apart. It is definitely possible for her to miss you but do you really expect her to not spend time with her grandmother opposed to spending time with you (when her time with her grandmother may be limited anyway). That's not fair for you to be that demanding of her. Even if she wanted to spend some time with a few of her friends one weekend, you should be able to handle that without feeling "insecure" about your relationship. It's challenging dealing with a long distance relationship but your insecurities and demanding ways will make it much harder. I think you should lighten up or just let her go and find a local romance.
2016-03-29 00:01:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its time for some tough love here. Have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him exactly what you told us above, but put an ultimatum in it; either he stops talking about her and lets it die or youre gone outta there. After 10 yrs there is absolutely no reason why he should still be hanging on to her and you can bet she has moved on. This would border as an obsession with her and its not doing him anygood. You have to be real tough with him if you hope to break this and save your relationship as it will not change. He cant or wont change by himself so he needs a little more motivation here and youre the answer. Good luck
2007-01-16 01:44:35 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it ended 10 years ago and he is still wishing things were different then chances are he will never get over her. So now YOU have to make the decision to either accept this or explain things to him and move on. No guy should be telling his current g/f or wife that he wishes things would have been different with his ex especially after 10 years! He needs to move on and leave the past in the past!
2007-01-16 01:41:22 · answer #4 · answered by Lace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If their relationship ended 10 years ago, and things aren't different between them, then i don't really think you should be too worried, but i'd still be a little suspicious.
The best way to resolve this is just talking to him, pull him to the side the next time he talks about her and just say "look, do you stil have feelings for your ex? Is something going on? Because if you do, and if there is then i'm going" because he should've thought about that before he got into another relationship.
Best of luck
2007-01-16 01:40:39 · answer #5 · answered by Yellow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds tricky as he obviously has ties to her because of his daughter. Don't forget though that he has chosen to be with you and not her.
It is always easy to talk about past or potential relationships with plenty of passion and clearness without focusing on the negative points that are/ where there. If you really like this guy just be honest with him and unfortunately yes you may have to take a risk in the process.
Work out what you want and go for that. If he makes you feel uncomfortable about her then as long as you can speak to him in a clear way why not talk to him about that? And don't forget he says he wishes things HAD been different with her, not ARE.
I wish you lots of luck working this through and hope that it works out how you really want it to. You deserve to be treated really well and to feel special, even though you may have to deal with past and previous relationships and children.
Still want more moral support and somewhere to turn for advice, laughter or distractions? Check out Will He Call...?
http://www.willhecall.com
2007-01-16 01:55:50 · answer #6 · answered by girly girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems we have something in common - I was on yesterday asking something similar - only my partner and I have been living together for 3 years and he is hung up on his ex who left him and now he has asked me to move out as he need more! He says he loves me and I make him happy but he wants more (he wants her I suppose!) Your guy sounds the same - get out now before you make the same mistake I did! I am finding it terrifically difficult to pack up my stuff and move out, even though I always knew he still had feelings for his ex, all through our relationship. Believe me, it's not worth the heartache, no matter how much chemistry there is. I know. I'm living it and wishing to god I wasn't.
2007-01-16 01:43:34 · answer #7 · answered by blue_sapphire07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you have your boyfriend sit down and talk to him. Ask him questions, does he want you, if yes. then discuss with him that the way he act with her is not comfort you. IF he is not sure about you, DUMP HIM! you dont need that, its worst part of your life. You might broke your heart someday, want that, no! MOVE ON! First talk to him, get the answer out of him, then start from there, be serious, dont let him do whatever he want.
2007-01-16 01:40:41 · answer #8 · answered by MissGal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10 years is a long time. If he was going to get back with her why hasnt it happened yet? Is she the one that left him? I might have to leave him alone because even though it will hurt you now to leave him, it will hurt more if he leaves you later? I understand it is the mother of his child, but there is no reason to constantly talk about her.
2007-01-16 01:41:10 · answer #9 · answered by mountaintop_23 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This happened to me. He went back to his ex wife. I was hurt for a while, I could see the signs but ignored them. She in turn did the dirty on him, swings and roundabouts. I'd walk away, save the hurt later on. I fear the chemistry is on your side only.
2007-01-16 01:45:22 · answer #10 · answered by Chickette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋