I've just gotten engaged?

Question

My boyfriend has just asked me to marry him. He has told me the sky is the limit and I have started planning the wedding of my dreams.
I have always waited a princess themed wedding kind of like cinderella.
My boyfriend has assured me that him and I will be paying for most of the wedding so what I want goes.
The problem is my mother. She doesn't like any of my ideas. She says no to every single one of them. She has taken all the fun out of planning this wedding.
Caleb and I are considering just running off to get married cause of her interference.
She just wants things to be her way and no questions asked.
She has told me that if she doesn't get her way she will not attend the ceremony.
Sure I value my mother's opinion but she has taken over. How do I get her to see that my ideas are worth something. And that since Caleb and I are paying for this wedding we should have what we want--not what she wants.
Is there any easy way to get her to back off without offending her.

Answer 1

First and foremost girl you have to remember that this is your wedding not your mother's. Since you and your fiance are planning to pay for most of it you should get what you want. Tell dear old mom that although you value her ideas you have ideas of your own.
I remember when I was planning my wedding all of my family had ideas. I listened to each one and then they let me have my say. You haven't said if you really listened to your mother's ideas.
I hope that there is a way that the two of you could compromise on this.
If you and Caleb run off and elope you might later regret it. What aabout the rest of your family and his family. Don't they have the riright to be part of your special day. Eloping will give these other ploved ones a feeling that they aren't important enough to be part of your special day.
Just keep thinking that this is your day. Nobody can really tell you what you want. Nobody can tell you what to do. Do what you want and plan your wedding the way that you want to.
Nice touch with the cinderella/princess theme. My husband and I are planning to renew our wedding vows and I am having a ceremony with the same theme. Congratulations and Good Luck. Hope everything works out for you.

Answer 2

Did Mom have a wedding when she got married? She might be trying to live her life through you.

It really doesn't matter who's paying for the wedding, this is something that is between YOU & CALEB. No one else. It's nice to have suggestions, help, etc., & there is no harm in listening to & even using some of her suggestions, but this wedding is about your love & your relationship.

What concerns me is the tantrum your mother is throwing. I should think she's a bit old to be throwing herself on the floor kicking & screaming. She needs her backside whacked.

Don't give up having your 'dream come true' wedding because of Mom. Tell her you love her, you would like her to attend your wedding, but this is your wedding & you're going to do it your way. And if she fears you will embarrass her, then she is wise to not attend. You can get married just as easily without her there.

I know this doesn't sound like much of a solution but this is a power struggle. Not knowing you I don't know where it's coming from. And your mother is threatening you with her non-attendance. Expect her to get her tail-feathers up in the air over this. And if she chooses not to attend your wedding, which she very well may, then it will be her loss.

Answer 3

Your wedding theme sounds beautiful. It's what I would like to have if I had the money. It does not matter if your mother likes your ideas or not. You are the one to accept or reject ideas. Has she always been so critical of you? No matter what she says, your mother will not miss out on her daughter's wedding. No doubt she is feeling a little jealous (wishing it were her wedding day again). Go ahead with your plans. This is your wedding not hers, and you should have one as big as you like. Don't let her ruin it by acting immature. Sit down and explain to her that you will be having your dream wedding, not hers. Good luck!

Answer 4

I am having the same problem (except my mom & dad are paying for most of it)...my suggestion is buy or book first, ask questions later. I had to do that for even the most simple things like votive candle holders! After I told her how excited I was about them (because you have to act excited) she was a little bummed but was like ok we can find a way to make them work. Its going to be a brutal planning process, but what can you do? I also considered eloping...and it hasnt been ruled out yet.

Another tip...cry when you dont get your way. Trust me, eventually you will get so frustrated that it will come naturally. I cried a week into the planning, and told my mom we were going to postpone until we could afford to pay for everything ourselves so that I could get what I wanted. That changed her tune a bit...and if I have to pull that card again I will!

Answer 5

This is YOUR wedding, not hers. You plan your wedding when, where, and how YOU want it. Your mother telling you she won't attend the ceremony is just a way of her saying, "I'm spoiled and I want my way!" like a five-year-old would. She'll attend, don't worry about that. However, if she's serious and doesn't attend her own daughter's wedding, don't even worry about it. She'll regret it for the rest of her life. Talk to her and tell her that since it's your and your fiance's money that's paying for this wedding, it WILL be planned the way y'all want it.

Answer 6

I don't believe in lavish weddings myself but if you're paying for it then you should get what you want.

Believe it or not though, you are enabling her behavior because you are TELLING her what you are planning. If you're paying for it then she doesn't need to know the details. The less she knows, the less she can complain about.

Here are the things she needs to know:
When it is
Where it is
What color dress you would like her to wear
What length of dress you would like her to wear

Tell her those things and nothing else. If she asks for details tell her you have everything under control and don't see the need to burden her with details. Tell her it's a surprise. Say whatever you have to in order to cut her out of the planning process. Screen your calls and don't talk to her directly at all if it becomes necessary. Now is the time to show her you are an adult and don't need her handholding or approval any longer.

Answer 7

I have a question for you.... is this your mother's wedding?

if the answer is no. Then plan it the way you guys would like! it's your special day! A day you both will remember for the rest of your lives.

I would recommend just talking to her.a nd explaining that you value her opinion, but, it's your wedding and you would like things this way.

Good Luck and Congratulations!

Answer 8

Explain to her that you love her very much but that it is YOUR wedding and you have dreamed about it your whole life. Plan YOUR wedding the way YOU want it. If she has a problem with it she will get over it and respect you more later.

Answer 9

Tell old mom your going to do it your way since you are paying for it and if she chooses not to attend that is her problem but the wedding will go on as planned

Answer 10

Take her on the doctor phil show.This is not her wedding and if she's not gonna come cuz she can't get her way and your paying,by mom!!!!!!!!!! Just think you'd be without her if you were to elope she is being unfair to you which makes me ask Are you and you mom close? Honey this is your day to shine and your man said shoot to the moon whatever you want it's yours.He's your family now honey cut the strings if she won't.And don't you shed a tear your gonna be a beautiful bride she's losing out not you. GOD BLESS you and your hubby to a lifetime of happiness!!!!!!!