Addicted parents.....?

Question

I just wanted to know how everyone else handles their addicted parents. My dad is an alcoholic and mom is addicted to prescription pills bad. They both have been known to use street drugs as well. I am really frustruated with all this. They have been this way for years and have fallen back on me many times. I am 27 and have a stable life. My half brother is now living with me because he doesnt want to be with my mom and I think thats the best thing for him. I am the type that wants to take care of everybody. I have given them money, let them live with me, paid a few of their bills, taken in their kids(my siblings), and I am currently running my dad everywhere because he just got an apartment and doesnt have a car! He quit drinking over a wk ago and I seen a beer in his apartment sunday. I feel like just ignoring both of them untill they can get their lives together. They are seperated. What should I do? Do you keep a "relationship" with them or not? Thanks for reading all this!

Answer 1

It is great to help others, but it is not begood to become a person that in helping your parents, you can come the ENABLER! That helps them stay in their addiction, not accepting responsibility, nor being accountable for the choices they make! You could choose to go to CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS AND DYSFUNTIONAL FAMILES, better yet AL-ANON meetings can help you and your siblings to learn how to live their lives and not have the anxiety, being unsure of how it will be at home, waiting for the shoe to drop, having to feel you have to choose sides, listen to the balony that is theirs, pulling you into the situation. First, I want you to realize when parents have addictions, their children are more likely to also fall into addiction, not necessarially the same addiction as the parents. You need to take care of you, possably your siblings. Your parents have made their choices and as you know I am sure they have lied to you. You are not their babysitters and it may be very painful and hard for you to refuse to help them,but you have a life to live, it may sound selfish to take care of you before them, but that is what you need to look at. Your parents have to come to the realization and acceptance that they are addictive to substance and who knows what else, until help is wanted or unless they somehow end up in treatment and a program that can benefit them you will never be able to get them to stop! They have no control, once an addiction is acknowledge it can not be ignored and can not be released without changing their lives, changing their self-image. We ( most) people resist change. Therefore, they resist acknowledging their addictions! Please check your newspaper for meetings 12steps for you and siblings. There is no need for you to continue helping your parents, you will become so drained, feel used, and in the end does it really help them or does it make you feel better about you? This complicated, not something people should do on their own, a support system is available for you and for your parents. I too had a parent that was alcoholic, little did I realize that I too have addictive behavior patterns, it was when I became homeless, due to a roommate situation, I had no place to go, so I thought I could win money at the cassino gambling, NO that was a big mistake, I became addicted to gambling the first time I went. Finally, I banned myself and started a 12 step program, however the steps are what helps the person change, I could go to meetings, not gamble, but my behavior would not change, so in working the steps, at least for me,has helped me not to gamble in over 7years! I do know what addiction does to the person, the children and anyone that really cares for the people. If you help bail them out in any way you will be contributing to helping them stay in their addiction. WE all make choices in our lives, they have made theirs, you now have to continue with your life, or it will drag you down! LECTURE, well I did not mean to sound that way, but hope this helps you! Phone Book will have AA numbers and get you info for other meetings, you will be with others that can understand what you have been going through, you will not have to feel alone, or that you are the only person suffering! We are MANY and we can fall and get up again, Your MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY MAY HELP Social Service, Catholic social services, Salvation Army all these will be able to give you info and even help you and siblings. You deserve to be treated with respect, not to be used or to allow yourself to feel guilt if you refuse! Somehow people have to hit bottom, even if it means they get sick, because they will become sicker the longer they are in their addiction. Good Luck, Young woman, you are a precious work of God, a child who cares and has positive in put for your siblings. You need to be proud of the daughter you are! The sister you are! May you know, the strength you attain, by walking through the fear, these obstacles will teach you who you are and help you continue your path and help you walk other paths, giving you lessons to learn from and choices to make!

Answer 2

Ignoring them until they can get their lives together may be the best thing for everyone. Doing so will be very hard though as they may try to make you feel guilty for "not being there". You have to stop helping them with everything because as long as you do they will know they can continue doing whatever they want and you will be there to get them out of hard times. Tell them they need to go to rehab and stick with it and in the meantime you will support them as long as they are in rehab. By support I don't mean pay bills, etc. I mean be there for them to have someone to talk to,someone who will listen. But if this will be too hard for you and may cause you to give in should they ask for even a little help then don't offer the support. Just tell them you are severing all ties with them until they get clean and stay clean. Of course it will be hard on all involved but if they care at all about themselves they will get help. I hope I have said all this in the way I'm hoping it will come across to you. And I hope what I have said helps. Good Luck.

Answer 3

The JWs say that today there are medically viable options for blood transfusions. This doesn't seem to be prevalent among the medical institutions. If this is true and it is available in limited areas, maybe cost is a factor. I'd want to see proof of other options to transfusions being available - if true, there is a lot of explaining to hear. Think of all the problems that would solve.... no complications. The possibilities would be enormous & staggering. Now I'll probably get neg flag galore from the Red Cross and blamed for the drop in blood donations.

Answer 4

Koo-dos to you for taking care of your half brother.
You are going to have to tell your parents that until they get help for their addictions, that it's best if they not come around. Paying their bills, giving them money and a roof over their heads are only telling them that there will always be someone taking care of them. Remember, they're suppose to be the parents, not you!!
I'm a lot like you, always wanting to help others, but where will they be when you need something one day? I can almost guarantee they won't be there to help you out, not going the way they are. My Dad to this day will tell me that my children are my first priority, them me, and my husband. Everyone else can figure it out for themselves. I know it sounds harsh, but my kindness always seems to be mistaken for weakness, and I get burned A LOT.
Good luck!!

Answer 5

poor thing i can relate my mom was a horrible alcholic and she died two years ago from alchol poisoining.i moved out at 16 worked through high school and put my self in college i think you should stop everything your doing for your parents except taking care or your siblings ,you are clearly the parent in this situation and it is unfair for you let them try to get along on there own and tell them you have had enough you have a life you have their kids for crying out loud what else do they want (a free ride i guess) contact some local social services in your area and put them in touch with your parents and than let go you know the old saying "you made your bed now lie in it" do it honey and take your self and your siblings to alanon it's a support group for kids,spouces,relatives of people who have drug and alchol problems and then move on with your life if they can get there lives together let them back in one day if you want................i tried for years to get my mom to stop drinking but it obviously didn;t work and the pain and anger i felt when she drank her self to death was unimaginable i just kept thinking that if i would have tried harder or anything it wouldn't have happened ,but it would have alanon has help me to come to terms with my feelings and mourn the loss so that i can deal with it....good luck honey i hope you do whats right for you and the good of your siblings ......

Answer 6

A hard thing to figure out. I'm sure the advise we all give you will be easier for us to give than for you to do. But you have a life and only you can make the decisions. I think when id had enough of the crap(sorry ) id have to have nothing to do with them except for family gatherings for a while,so they can learn not to lean on you for everything. It sounds hard but obviously you have had a hard childhood and probably need to take time to learn who you are and not be defined by who they are. Good Luck in your decision, it will be hard to do but be consistent.

Answer 7

My Brother is an Alcoholic. has lost most everyting for him and his Family. It won't get better. Until they get help. Giving them money is just gonna make it worse. It's called, "Tough Love". be there. But be there to help. Insist that they both get help. And put your foot down to sticking with it. They'll love you, when they get clean.

Answer 8

Definitely keep your relationship with both your parents. They need and want your love. However, keeping your relationships with your parents by no means requires you to condone or enable their habits. Limit yourself to them. Ask that they seek counseling, or attend AA. Tell them you will be more willing to help them, when you can see that they are willing to help themselves. Let them know that you love them, and it's very sad and hard for you to see them destroying themselves.

Answer 9

You are in a very difficult position. I suggest contacting your local Al-Anon division for assistance.

Answer 10

take care of you if they want help it is available for them....

go to al-anon or acoa adult children of alcoholics...


take care,good luck it is a tough situation but not impossible