How do I get my 78 year old mother who has Alzheimer's/Dementia to go to an assisted living facility?

Question

She says she does not want to leave her home but it is almost impossible to guarantee her quality of life since she can't cook, drive , buy groceries, etc. Any solutions? I tried to fake a doctor's note that said she must go for rehab but don't know if this is convincing enough. I want to go on with my life and not worry about her daily. My brother has spent two months from Seattle to help care for her while we've been looking at facilities. Our lives have been on hold because of her illness. We're taking out a home equity loan on her home to pay for the care she deserves. Anyoe?

Answer 1

First of all, you say your mother has Alzheimer's Disease or some form of dementia. Did a doctor actually diagnose her with having Alzheimer's or another type of dementia? If not, then that's should be your first step. Bring your mother in to get assessed for dementia. The physician will conduct a general physical and neurological examination. In addition, a series of examination procedures will be conducted involving psychometric tests, sometimes with questionnaires or a few exercises.

After that, (assuming she was medically diagnosed with dementia), you should tell your mother you are worried about her future and that she should have a Power of Attorney for Health Care (a document that allows an individual to designate another person to make health care related decisions on their behalf in the event they are unable to do so).

Now she may or may not be willing to give someone Power of Attorney over her...and that's where problems may arise (if she isn't willing).

I don't know the laws related to a person with dementia who is unable to care for themselves but refuses to go to an Assisted Living Facility (or another place where she will be cared for). I believe it has to start with the diagnosis by the doctor - whether her dementia is in the early stages or further along AND if she is actually in danger by living alone.

I don't know what state you're in (or what country for that matter), but each state has their own laws. I suggest contacting a social worker from an elderly care facility and talking with them if your mother is unwilling to designate someone as her Power of Attorney. I'm sure they'd have a lot of the information you're looking for, as they deal a lot with the legalities of this topic.

I've listed some links that may be helpful and/or of interest.

Answer 2

First off, as the grandchild, I don't think it's your sisters place to tell her, where are your parents? and secondly if she where to get strong enough to get around after she heals (if she heals) she may very well be able to go home and have some kind of assistance at home such as community nursing come in to help out or maybe she would be able to move in with a family member. But telling her she will never go home is just plan cruel.

Answer 3

I've worked with alot of people with alzheimer's and other forms of dementia. Honestly i have never come across one patient that wanted to be in a facility, away from their family and home. Since she has such a debilitating disease, the fate of someone with such a disease falls on the family. It is sad and it hurts to do this to your mother but she needs to go somewhere where she is able to get 24hr care. Alzheimer's is such a sad disease to watch, specially as it progresses. As a nurse I have seen alot of families dump their loved ones in a nursing home and only come around once a year if ever at all. Be thorough in your research for a good place and be there for your mother. She may be resentful but you need to do what is best for her, even if it means dragging her to a place.

Answer 4

Well first, if she doesn't want to go then you will need the help of lawyers. And I have to tell you, if she owns her own home then you will have to look at losing it. The nursing home or assisted living faculty will take a lien on it. They will get their money. And just to let you know, if the house is sold within like two years maybe three years of her being admitted to this facility they can attach the bank account where the money is.

Answer 5

Your mother's condition will worsen progressively as the disease takes its toll. You and your brother need to be strong to do the right thing and that is to have the courage to go ahead with getting the necessary papers to put your mother in a home that can take care of her needs. Visit her often when she is at the home. The little that she has will soon be lost when she cannot communicate with you. Take good care.

Answer 6

My husband and I are going through exactly the same thing with his mother. I talked to a counselor at a assisted living facility, and she told me that people come into there kicking and screaming. They dont want to be there. But after awhile, they like it so much, that they wish they would of done it sooner. Everyone seemed happy there too. We will have to do this by the spring, so wish us luck and we'll wish you luck. Please feel free to e-mail me with any questions about this disease. We have become almost experts on this. Even if you just want to talk, .. feel free. Good Luck, I know this is very hard to deal with.

Answer 7

Well of course it is a hard option to consider....but you have the right to go to Court and get her placed in one for her own welfare>

I know that may be a difficult thing to do but sometimes we have to make decisions that are not popular with the rest of the family or even the public sometimes....but you have to consider what the ramifications could be if you don't....how would you feel if something was to happen to her....or you go completely bankrupt?

File the paperwork with the Court to become her legal guardian and then just place her....willingly or unwillingly!

Answer 8

Good luck man. i volenteer at a nursing home and some of the [people are nice. i visited with a person who did not want to leave her home and she likes it where she is at. she does not mind to much that she is at the home and she is a sweet little lady. you are making the right decision. good luck to you and your mother!!!