my wife slept with another man?

Question

she got caught up with talking to an old friend online he found out about our problems and moved in on her which after a month of talking online then they met and she slept with him she said she just wanted to feel comfort but felt obligated to sleep with him because he drove so far to see her. she thought i did not love her we are back together now but im having trouble letting go of the image of her with him does anyone know how to get over this
i do love her and always have we both just got lost in life for awhile and didnt show it but we are getting back the love for each other but im afraid what she did will and how im feeling will not let us move on i just want my life and my family back
anybody got any suggestions

Answer 1

Tough situation for sure. You can't get lost in the details of what happened between her and that guy. It happened and there's nothing you can do to reverse it. Instead, focus on the love you say you have for her and your family. You have to think deeply & talk openly to her about how not to get "lost" again (and her with you). If you're really important to eachother & you really love one another, then you will hit the latest curveball out of the park (never to be seen again). Relationships are hard work and to be honest, sometime a pain in the you know what. But, like I said... it's always good to take inventory at least once a month..to demonstrate that you're there, that you do love one another.

On a not so sappy note:
I would definitely wait a while before having sex with her again. And I would want her to take a test for STDs including HIV.

Take Care & Good Luck

Answer 2

First thing i'd do is get me a key-logger software on that home computer. This way you will know for sure that while you are away she isn't online looking for men.

At the same time, do your best to bring the romance back into your marriage. It may even require counseling to move forward at this point.

Her excuse for doing this because the dude drove so far, and she felt obligated to sleep with him is totally unacceptable. It's just plain lame.

If you can get the love back that is great. It's difficult to put the memory of her cheating out of your head, but in order to do this it's going to take time and alot of work on your part to accomplish this.

Rarely does a marrige survive once either spouse cheats. But some do survive and it's usually due to the victimized spouses efforts that save the marriage. You will have to rebuild the trust, it will have to happen. Trust and love is the key, but trust won't be regained for quite sometime.

Answer 3

That's a tough situation! I'm in a relationship now... and something similar happened. What we realized is that that when the incident happened, we weren't doing very well. We were distant from each other, and both parties were responsible for that. Even though only one was unfaithful in the physical sense, we both had to take responsibility for the relationship not being where it was supposed to be. If things had been good, it never would have happened. It's always a two-way street, and if you both agree to keep the love and communication open and lively, then you'll be fine. It was just a physical thing, she didn't fall in love with someone else and have a lengthy affair. You both have been with others before you met, right? So just get past it, and it will be okay in time. Good luck!

Answer 4

She felt obligated to sleep with someone because he drove soooo far to see her?? How obligated is she when some guy holds a door open for her. Does that qualify for sex as well? How could this possibly sit well with you? She thought that you did not love her so she slept with this guy? What she is actually saying is that it's all your fault, she is trying to make YOU feel guilty. She is taking no responsibility for her own behavior, she is playing you. You have to understand that people treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. You have to have self respect, without self respect people will treat you poorly. Life is a learning process, and life brings many changes. You need to move on and allow yourself growth and an emotionally healthier future. Take good care of yourself, and do not take responsibility for what other people choose to do.

Answer 5

Sounds as if you both are trying to make things work but now the "Trust" issue is in question with your wife? If she truthfully felt bad and remorse. She may Not do it ever again. Knowing what she put you and her Marriage thru! However, if you felt that there was no-sorrow or guilt from her actions, then I would say she just may have opened the box to her own desires or true motives. I hate to say this but no-matter what her intentions where she made that choice and you thinking of her in bed with another man wont help you get past this nor will it help her. More than likely you will always remind her during arguements or diffrences of her mistake she made. then, she will get tirred of it and do it more but be more secretive about it or simply just leave. Sadly, you just have to give it time. Trust is the key word here! Do you now Trust her?

Answer 6

You want your marriage back then move on past this misgiving. Yes your wife has done wrong and there is no excuse for what she did regardless of how far her friend drove it is a pretty lame excuse. Seems too she was caught up in his web of decietment and he was aware of her vulnerability. You have made a step in acknowledging the issues that were in the marriage now together make the step to resolve them. A new start so the past has to be put exactly where it is.
That also means the friend must return to the past meaning no contact. If the event occured in your house then change the furniture around or change rooms. Evaluate what hurts more, the memories of your wife and this man or the loss of your wife. The power is in your hands now

Answer 7

Even though her reason for sleeping with this other person isn't a very good one she admitted to doing it. You have to give her credit for that. I can understand that things were rough between the two of you and therefore she got comfort from someone else. It's not even the fact that she did it, what type of friend does she have, really? It sounds to me like he took advantage of her during a time where she needed a friend or just someone to talk to. You need to talk to her about what happened. It not to say that you've not forgiven her but there's just an issue of you trying to let the situation go. Maybe talking to her about it will help you. Try and focus on her and your relationship. Stop thinking or wondering what took place during her time with him. If you have the time and can afford it, the two of you need to get away and spend time together. She made a mistake that she was able to tell you about don't let your love for her be lost in the cheating, let it be loss in her and your relationship. Do things that will help you fall in love with her all over again.

Answer 8

You will never forget it but you can forgive her and also forgive yourself for letting it get to this point.
She has to take the blame for making a bad decision. even if there are problems you should not feel obligated to sleep with someone for any reasons.
I truly think she has some issues here and needs to see a counselor. She needs to build up her self esteem.
It would be beneficial if you two did a week-end getaway in a work shop for couples and get to know one another again.
Find out if you really like one another and love one another, then maybe you can put this behind you and move on.
It will definitely give you some insight and will help you make up your mind as to how you want to proceed.

Answer 9

Hey Demorider, my ex-wife also cheated on me, twice, with guys at work. When it happened the first time we went for help and it helped me to put things behind me and to get rid of those pesky images that went through my head. I guess I would suggest going and talking to a counselor. I know as a MAN we don't always like to talk about things with other people but it did help me and the fact that you've come to this site makes me believe that you want to make things better. Try the counselor, if nothing else it will show her that you truely want to put it in the past and still love her. Good luck!! I hope your situation works out better than mine.

Answer 10

I do not know your age. Mine is 52 and I had the same situation as you.
Unfortunately, the reality is that she will cheat again and you will end up to loose half of what you have and get hurt again.

Suggestion : there was a life before her, there is one after her. Bite the bullet, leave her, move on, get sad and lost for a few months, but the future has many better things to hold for you that a dishonnest woman...

Run away man...run