I am bisexual, and I want to know ... how will I ever be happy in a relationship?

Question

I am 15 years old and I consider myself bisexual. I know this for sure, it's not just some teen thing I'm going through like people are always saying. I am attracted to men and women, and I can't seem to change that. The one thing that is bothering me though, is I am wondering how can I ever be happy in a relationship? What I really want is when I'm older, I want to marry a woman and have our own kids. That's what I really do want, not because it's the "norm" or whatever or because of all that Christian stuff, it's because I want to love a girl. But how could I be happy in a relationship with a girl when I know I am also attracted to men? Even if I decided to have a relationship with a man ... I would still have feelings for girls too, so I wouldn't be happy in that relationship aswell.

This is something that always bothers me. I can't stop thinking about it. How am I going to end up in life and will I ever be happy with the person I choose to spend my life with if I am bisexual?

** Also If your going to spend 10 minutes typing up passages from the bible and telling me how to go convert, please don't bother because I go to a Catholic High school and I listen to that stuff everyday, I don't need to hear more of it.

Answer 1

It's very possible. The thing is that not all bisexuals are exactly 50:50. In fact, few are, some gravitate towards men and some towards women. If you gravitate towards women (and I doubt that you know exactly who you are attracted to most yet) I especially see no reason why you could not marry a lady and be happy in life.

Lots of bi males feel the way you do: They want to have an emotional/sexual attachment to a woman but the relationships they might have with men are sexual and erotic, not emotional.

If I were you, I would still definitely date the ladies in high school. At least do not deny that to yourself.

I know that it is difficult to trust people in high school, even a priest or a school counselor. But if you find a trusted adult who you can confide in, I would definitely suggest you do that. Sometimes just talking about the issues you are facing helps a lot. I am going to step out on a limb here about friends and orientation issues at your age: I would not trust them, especially if you are deep in the closet.

I am a bisexual male and first noticed an attraction to both men and women around the age of 12. I thought I was in a "stage" of sexual development but my urges did not change over time. So I do know what it is like to go through that in high school -- and not really tell anyone about it -- except for a brief time when a friend and I discussed our possible orientations. I can assure you, at least for me, I made the right decision not to discuss it more fully with him or with any other friend my age at the time -- not in the volatile environment of high school.

So once again, my best advice to you is to talk it over with a trusted adult. Put this to him or her though: "This is just between me and you. I want this to go no further than the two of us." And another thing, don't think a woman (even a nun) cannot talk to you about such feelings a teenager may have.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I think the problem is less one of sexual orientation, and more one of the tone that you set early on in the relationship. When you set a tone of loose, casual, easy sex, and a willingness to allow third (fourth, fifth, etc) parties to join in the fun with the two of you, it's pretty hard to un-ring that bell. It's not really about whether she's bi or straight or gay. Now that you've explicitly permitted women besides her in your bed, she may want to repeat those experiences, whether you do or not. You might need to take a breather for a couple of weeks from one another. This would allow you to consider your true commitment to one another, and also would serve as a line in the sand. It would be much easier to separate for a little while now, create some space, and then say, "From this point forward, that's off limits."

Answer 3

There are no hard and fast rules. Many bisexuals find the person they fall in love with and that is all that matters. Others manage to hold down a relationship with a person of each gender, or have open relationships (e.g. swingers).

Live your life, at 15 you've other things to consider (like getting a good education - to enable you to live a better life).

Try not to worry about what your future holds.

Answer 4

You will be happy one day. You will find that person that makes you feel complete. It won't matter if that person is male or female, just as long as you are happy that is all that matters. Who knows maybe you will find a understanding girl to marry and she will be cool with having a three some with you and another guy. Just don't worry about it you are young and have a lot of life ahead of you before you settle down.

ooh, and you will always find other people atractive even after you are married.

Answer 5

Actually, you're quite normal for 15. Most people that age are obsessed with sex and the future, your focus is just taking this particular slant right now.

I'm a bi woman. I seem to be more attractive to men than women, so most of my relationships are with men. That used to bother me and I questioned my 'bi-ness' because of it. Now that I'm older I know that it's who I am and I don't worry about it, I enjoy the man that I'm with and getting that tingle from others. (Met a woman the other day that made me quite certain :-)

When you're young, it's fine to be attracted to, well nearly everyone and anyone -- high school is a roiling cauldron of hormones. As you get older, that's no longer the case. Too many of your peers are married, workplace romances are messy, and fortunately those hormones quiet down a bit. Bi's are in the best position to understand this too, because of our *potential* to be attracted to anyone -- we have to separate out feelings of lust from everything else.

We don't need to have one of each to be happy, that's just some sillyness that monosexuals came up with. We can be monogamous just as happily as anyone else. It's just that we have a few more choices to make.

You'll figure all of this out for yourself as you mature. Until then, try to enjoy your hormones. ;-)

Answer 6

Well, all I can say, as a bi-sexual woman who is 37. Get your playing around out of your system before you decide to settle down Weather it's with a man or a woman the person you chose to be with deserves your unaquited loyalty and devotion. Don't bring others into the relationship for play because that is just disrespectful to the covenant of commitment the two of you have made to eachother. I am happily in a relationship with a man whom I hope to marry and he is the greatest match for me. Good luck, hope you get the answers your looking for.

Answer 7

i don't think it is really a question of sexuality.. you don't have to brand yourself as a bisexual.. you just need to find the right person for you.. even if it's a girl or a guy.. well, this doesn't assure you that you'll be happy for the rest of your life because honestly even straight people are having problem keeping a relationship.. my advice to you is just go with what makes you happy right now.. besides we are too young to think about "the rest of our life" we are teenagers for crying out loud (i'm 15 too)..

Answer 8

I think that bisexuals who want to be in a traditional monogamous relationship have it very diffecult. I know gay men who are relationship oriented that won't date bisexuals because they feel they don't know what they want.I personally don't see how you can ever turn off the attraction to one sex or the other if you are bisexual and desire a traditional relationship. You may be able to for a while,but it will always come back. I don't know the answer, but whatever you do, don't commit yourself to just one person if you know in your heart you can't keep that commitment.

Answer 9

I'm in a relationship with a girl and I'm happy. Just be like me and look at gay porn. I'm not like you I never cared which sex I ended up with, it just so happened I fell in love with a girl. I'll always be attracted to guys but I'll always be attracted to other girls besides to one I'm with too, all that matters is you are most attracted to the person you are with.

Answer 10

You can. When you are in a long term relationship sex isn't always the primary thing..Mostly you stay together because you love and respect each other...You make your choices. I am a gay man married for 20years to another man..and yes I see attractive men all around...but it doesn't mean that I am going to have sex with them..Same thing. You make choices.