I have been married for 5yrs. dated my husband 2yrs prior to being married. I would not rate him as a good lover in bed. He lacks the intimacy I would like to have. When we have sex, I feel like it's just a physical act. My sexual relationship with my ex of 4yrs was fantastic. I felt so beautiful, so wanted, and everytime we had sex it was like he was discovering me for the first time. We broke up for other reasons and am completely over him, it's just that I miss the closeness that sex can bring between two people. My husband does'nt know how to make love like that. He doesn't look into my eyes, he doesn't say my name and rarely talks, it's just not very personal. There is a complete lack of a feeling of "connection". I've talked to him about it , but you just can't teach people how to be more vulnerable in bed. I used to love to have sex, but since it feels so empty now it's hard to even want it. I miss the intimacy sooo bad. Any advice?
2007-01-15 20:06:13 · 10 answers · asked by gg55 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, that's a tough one. If only he could read how you've described it here, I'm sure he would understand and care enough to make a sincere effort. Some guys just have to be shown what lies on the other side before they'll step through that door. In your situation, that of course is no easy feat.
Like another suggested, there are ways for you to kick it up a notch. He doesn't have to be the one in control. Whisper things, try new positions (lead him if you have to), set a romantic setting, change into some sexy lingerie, etc.
I agree with you though. There are so many things in a relationship that keep it strong - communication, respect, time, etc. Often we forget about the intimacy and seldom find ways to improve it. Wish you luck!
2007-01-15 20:15:27 · answer #1 · answered by SirCharles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, quit comparing him to your ex. That will help a lot. Over him? Doesn't seem so. The sooner you quit telling yourself how GOOD your ex was, the more you will be able to focus on your husband.
Secondly, TELL HIM! Specific things you like! If you want him to rub you a certain place at a certain time during sex. Tell him so, or better yet show him. Its not a crime to ask for what you want. Closed mouths dont get fed. As far as intimacy, its important to set the 'ambience'. Don't expect him to do it on his own, plan it out together, or do it yourself. At first you will feel like why isn't he doing it, but it pays off in the end. Your mood will be set and so will his. It will take time but its worth it. Just be patient!
Most importantly: QUIT COMPARING HIM TO SOMEONE HES NOT! Love him for him, you married him because of who he is not because of sex. Happy LOVE MAKING!
2007-01-15 20:17:16 · answer #2 · answered by mzagge06 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, actually you CAN teach people to be better lovers with gentle, kind mentoring. And, the kind of sex people enjoy or need varies from one individual to another. The kind of sex you need is not necessarily the kind my wife needs, and we've been doing it happily for 36 yrs.
If you need to, shop around; there are some excellent books out there. Don't be too proud to learn something from a book, or a video. If you like vids, check in to Nina Hartley's series; they're good.
Whatever it is that's lacking, you're going to have to take the time and have the patience to teach him exactly what is fulfilling for you.
2007-01-15 23:43:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
very frankly sex is quite important but fatasizing ur relation u had for 4 years after a gap of 5 years is not understandable well the problem is not ofany serious nature you are just tired of ROUTEIN take a break move out every thing wd be fine
2007-01-15 20:13:47 · answer #4 · answered by Caring 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please trust me on what I am about to tell you:
He too wants these things, but at some point early in your relationship he became intimidated by you. He wants so desperately to be passionate with you and wants to tear you up. He is afraid, afraid of giving in to his passion becasue he fears it may not equal what you have had in the past. Tell him without telling him. Look him in the eyes, scratch his back, tell him you love him....He will first cry.... and then your life will change.
I know these things because I lost the most beautiful person I have ever known, MY WIFE. Don't give up He is me and I know him.
2007-01-15 21:15:37 · answer #5 · answered by Wayne D 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk with your husband by taking a prior appointment, persuade your emotions, give him a couple of weeks, communicate your feelings and requirements again.
If still he is not interested, change your husband.
2007-01-15 20:13:28 · answer #6 · answered by Arnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then teach him... Or tell him bit by bit on how u want or hope he do... Also be the notty want at times... Sex must be satifying at times... May not be all the time but at least most of the time...
2007-01-15 20:17:20 · answer #7 · answered by Kyoko 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe its not him. You could just be a wet rag in bed. Ever think about that? If you dont do it for him, then how can he do it for you? Sex is extremely important, its like oxygen. You never miss it, unless you arent getting any.
2007-01-15 20:13:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
that's significant that the two have sexual fulfillment or the marriage would be interior the bathroom with the purpose to talk. that's conceivable even although that if he or she is being please and the different is having intercourse to gratify the different it might desire to conceivably paintings. would I recommend sexual counseling to help the two considered one of you? appropriate of success!
2016-10-20 06:57:18 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you should show him how to do that the way you like...you are a woman,and men like when a woman whispers things and desires in their ears....try it....be sensual yourself to him.
2007-01-15 20:11:51 · answer #10 · answered by ann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋