How do I tell my wife of 8 yrs that i want a divorce?

Question

My wife and I have been through some bad times I cheated once she cheated once. The difference is that I was falsely jailed because she got mad at me. I went one month without seeing my 2 boys and was torn apart. I took her back but now am unhappy and ready to move on. We tried counseling and it wasn't enough. Now she won't go to a new counselor. she used to get violent and has a mean streak.

Answer 1

You should file with the court first before telling her. Get a temporary parenting plan set up first so that she cannot keep the boys from you.. Women who do that I wanna just slap!

Speak to a divorce attorney who specializes in fathers rights.. You may be able to get full custody. But at least shared custody.

Then tell her when she is served with the papers.

Answer 2

Get out of there, dude. I was going to suggest you discuss this in front of a counselor, but since she won't go to one with you, you might want to try this:

First, get yourself in the mood. Relax...be organized and calm...write stuff down if need be and make sure that you are not in a public place as she may go crazy about it. Your home is OK...but make sure that any weapons she could use on you are not handy (like frying pans, bazookas etc.) The children should not be home; make arrangements for them to be somewhere else for a bit. Oh, did I forget say; see an attorney first. Have a quick exit plan. Call a good friend and tell him (or her) the situation and plan to visit after telling her the news, so you can discuss how it went and also get some needed mental support. Tell him to have a cold beer waiting for you. By the way, when you have this talk with the bitchy wife, make sure the divorce papers are already on the way from your attorney (to be served to her). Try to be non-emotional...this is a business transaction from now and into the future...your attorney will do the rest of the hard part now...congratulate yourself, stay away from chicks for a couple of weeks..you need to mellow and enjoy some freedom and quiet...good luck my friend

Answer 3

Moonfairy has it right. I saw her icon after I posted; then I read her answer. What I had to say is below:

1) Obtain legal counsel (mostly for the divorce, but run all this by your attorney first)

2) As secretly (from her) as you are able, establish a new residence

3) Update your insurance policies, will, etc. If possible, start a new bank account for yourself, using a fair portion of your current common (joint) account. If you already have separate accounts, so much the better!

Make sure your new account information goes only to your new address.

4) Depending on the age and maturity of each boy, you may want to ask each with which parent he would prefer to live if he knew he'd never see the other parent again. Explain it's just about a divorce, and nobody's getting whacked.

You don't want to alert them to your plans or activities until you're ready to leave -- which could put them in the awkward position of having to decide in a few hours or even minutes whether to stay or go with you.

Alternatively, you just grab them and go. Your soon-to-be ex will know your new address from the petition, but you'll have a brief breathing period at least until she's served.

5) Leave her a polite note that states you want to avoid unnecessary hostility and that you believe, based on her pattern of behavior, it was unreasonable to expect an amicable separation and exit.

6) If you fear she will attempt to steal the kids back from you, and you have a good reason she can't be trusted with the kids, articulate that to the lawyer so that he can file an emergency petition with the court to prevent her access to them at least as long as the divorce is at contest.

7) Make sure the boys understand the dispute was not caused by them. This may (or may not, depending on lots of complex factors beyond the scope of this forum) require the assisstance of a professional psychologist, etc.

Answer 4

Both of u are cheaters,and have cheated equally.

It is not important now what made u cheat or what made her cheat. The event is done and both have repented. Since it is the children that is important to both of you, I think both of you should concentrate on your children who may be 7 years or less. Now even if u delegate any work to your wife it should be children priority based and the work u do should be also the same children based and slowly wife based. Divorce is not a solution, because u will be repenting more than u do now. Atleast u r with your children.

One of these days go for a picnic in the woods and enjoy. ur responsibility is all the three should enjoy irrespective of u enjoying or not (ur sacrifice should be known to all)
The purpose is to patch up, there lies the strength.

Pray to God to help u complete your acievements.
I also pray that u get the full coordination to achieve u all to live together harmoniously.

Answer 5

Well we certainly don't want you to be unhappy do we. Who cares about those two kids you couldn't wait to bring into the world. Oh my, she "use" to be violent and has a mean streak, and we all know how absolutely wonderful you are! May I suggest if you really miss being away from your boys.. you take custody of them. Let her have the fun of the every other weekend crap and let her pay you child support.

Answer 6

just go to the court house and find out what it takes to get a divorce and what the cost are, and how you are going to divide the money and kids, and what.
find your own place to move out to..and then just simply tell her that you're tired of this relationship and that you want to call it quits.
it may feel agonizing to end an 8 year relationship. but happiness is more important at this point, and it seems that you're not anymore. and that she should be history.
after you take those steps..i'm sure everything will figure its way out somehow. it's a big change, but you gotta take the first step if this is what you really want. good luck

Answer 7

You pack your bags and your boys and move out. Don't bother telling her until you have other living arrangements. You'll be fine. Once you tell her, then you can move your things. But give her a few days to cool down. I'm a chicken so I'd wait until we had a fight and just say 'I've had it, I can't do this anymore." Besides, your boys shouldn't see an unhappy marriage, unless you want them to have one someday too! Which I doubt you do. Good luck!

Answer 8

Talk to your boys and tell them you are leaving on the same day you tell your wife.. but first get a lawyer and the papers drawn up. confront your kids then send them to someones house while you talk to your wife. In a calm way just tell her you are unhappy in the relationship and are walking away and that the papers will be here later today. Then walk out the door.

Answer 9

Having been in this situation before, I can honestly tell you that your only option is to escape, and take your boys with you.

Violence is never the answer.

You both have issues that you need to work out, but if it's as bad as you say, I think that you would both be better off working those issues out without one another.

Answer 10

I would suggest that you get your plans together, go see a lawyer about your options and then tell your wife that you want a divorce and then move out. It appears that you can't live with her after you tell her. I am sorry that things worked out for you and your family this way.