Does anyone have kids that lie?

Question

My 12 year old son just started lying to me recently and i am scared. He had me looking all over the house for his "misplaced" psp telling me that it was somewhere around the house and he could not find it. We tore the house up looking for it. I kept asking him if he took it to school and he denied it repeatedly. He kept tellling me 'I promise Mom, I had it last night and I did't have school today. This is a good kid, never any problems. I knew something was up by his body language. But he swore to me he was telling me the truth. About 2 hours of searching, I gave him 10 seconds to come clean and he admitted to have taking it to school last week and it was stolen. This kid had me searching the house and lied to my face over and over again tonight. Is this normal for 12 year old boys? Needless to say, he saw my wrath. Lying is the worst sin in my house.

Answer 1

does anyone not? my sisters son had the car keys in his pocket and was too embarrased to say he had them when he had said he did not. they had to tow the car in to the dealer and pay $200 for a new key, then found it in his pocket the next day. it happens.

Answer 2

You have to follow through, not just threaten. When they're all pointing the finger at one another, they should all be punished. Take privileges immediately, and make sure it's something that means quite a bit to them. For example, my oldest daughter loves her Nintendo DS and the youngest is hooked on the Wii. When they won't come clean, I immediately confiscate both for 3 days. At that point, the peer pressure between them is stronger than pretty much anything I can dish out and it doesn't take long for the truth to come out. When I get a confession, the punishment is lifted for the innocent party. Once they realize that everyone suffers when someone lies and they blame one another, they'll be more forthcoming with the truth. I started this about 3 years ago and have had great success. It's not often at all that either of them denies the truth or blames the other any more. They're both more forthcoming with the real story, as they know the punishmient for lying will be worse. They've finally decided that taking a stern talking to about leaving towels in the bathroom floor or leaving milk on the counter is much better than losing privileges for 3 days because they lied.

Answer 3

Kids lie, and they lie for a number of reasons. Sometimes they don't want to hear a lecture or get yelled at. Sometimes they don't want to disappoint parents. Sometimes they are embarrassed to have messed up in some way. Sometimes they don't want their parents to worry. There are any number of reasons that kids lie, and most often their motives are not evil at all - they're just immature because kids are immature.

I don't happen to think lying should be "the worst sin" (although your son did let this particular incident get a little out of control - but I suppose it was one of those things where one thing led to another, and it just got out of control).

When we grow up we're sure enough of ourselves that if we mess up we (if we're mature and well adjusted and have integrity) just own up. Kids aren't sure of themselves and want the approval of their parents usually, so lying by a kid is not the same as lying by an adult.

You may feel a little foolish after he let you go looking through the house for so long, but you're the adult; and he's the one who - once the truth came out - was humiliated.

Answer 4

I think your son didn't mean to be "bad". He was just worried how you'd react to him losing his PSP. Yes, most kids lie, but a lot of them don't like doing it even when they are lying. Be more accepting, I think, and let him know that you'd prefer the most horrible painful truth than a lie. Don't get too angry with him or he'd just be more scared the next time. Usually good kids like your son wouldn't lie unless it's out of great concern or fear. And he's a kid - give him a chance.

Good luck. Sorry about the PSP and the lying.

Answer 5

Your child would be odd if he didn't lie. I think that your son lied so the two of you could "do" something together. How sweet. At 12 years old they've probably snuck a sip or more of a beer, cussed and thought they were way cool, and hopefully that's all yet. But all the while they are trying to "be" all grown up on the outside, they are still youngsters on the inside. My 17y.o. daughter curled up and cried on me the other day. Hours earlier I had been told I was so boring and I didn't know anything. So,maybe your son couldn't think of a fun place to go . Why don't you offer bowling or pool or something like that. They grow up so fast. Off to college before you know it.

Answer 6

Sadly, all kids lie. It is one part testing us, one part fear and one part controlling their world. In this case, it seems like greater part fear. I have never met one kid that has not pulled a Pinnochio a few times. His two hour search was simply an attempt to avoid punishment for breaking the rule.
The best way to handle this is to focus on his motivation for the lie. Speak to him when you have calmed down. If you are yelling, he will focus on your anger, not your words. Explain to him that there would be consequences for his taking the game to school but his lying has earned him additional consequences. Make it clear that he should have come to you when it happened and you may have been able to approach the school about relocating it. By delaying the inevitable, he has lost the toy forever and initiated a harsher punishment. It is imperitive that he understands that he had a choice - to tell the truth or to lie. He is responsible for his own fate. (Be prepared for lot of yelling about how it is not fair and that you are doing this to him. These are just words and his venting his frustration and ack of control.) Offer him the opportunity to be honest the next time and the consequences for the rule he breaks will be lessened by his choice to tell the truth.
Make the punishment fit the crime and stick to it. Just do not be so punitive that he is afraid to come to you and be honest in the future.
Good Luck and Hang In There!

Answer 7

It's completely normal. I lied whenever I didn't do well in school or when I lost or broke things.. It's a fear of disappointment, anger, and discipline. Just explain to him rationally why lying is "the worst sin in your house" and why things turn out better when you tell the truth. However, usually they learn on their own through experiences.

Oh, and the likelihood of him lying to you before and ou just not knowing so is probably rather high, sorry.

Answer 8

hey thats not very good . but a psp is an expensive toy i used to lie to my mum 2 about expensive stuff maybe your son was scared he was going to get in trouble if he told you it got stolen just sit down with ur son and explain to him that not matter what not to lie to you because if he lies he will get in more trouble then if he tells the truth. and u may be mad when he tells the truth but u wont be as mad as what u would if he lied and then just tell him that you cant help him fix the real problem if you dont have the right story . that should fix him thats what my mum told me when i was younger lol good luck

Answer 9

He was probably scared to tell you the truth, I always told my kids that if they told me the truth the first time that they would get in less trouble. It worked, still does and they school teachers always thought that my kids were strange because they always told the truth, no matter what they did. But it worked at school to because the teachers will discipline then less for telling the truth too.
I would say talk to your kid and find out the reason why he lied and work that issue out, that will help out for the future.

Answer 10

no that was a bit extreme to have u search the house get him assesed by a doctor but if u are a really hard mum well then i understand him i never have lied that much i tell little lies but not as big as that and i don't think he could tell u a lie as big as that without having practice at school or at home check wit the school

Answer 11

Yep, it's normal for ALL kids to try to lie. As long as he receives a consequence that fits your feeling on lying, hopefully he will haved learned his lesson. I feel the same about lying; nothing my child can do in my house is worse than a lie. Make sure you let him know how he has destroyed your trust in him and what he is going to need to do to gain it back. Good Luck!