Husbands behavior...would it bother you?

Question

Would this bother you? Would you stay? 1. no sex in 4 years despite my wanting it all the time 2. no gifts for any holiday/occasion 3. looks at internet porn (girls) 4. has given me excuses for not wanting intimacy such as: we need to be in better shape (I am so not fat), your legs aren't smooth enough, dog is on the bed, i am usually in the mood in the afternoon (we both work 8-5) not at night, you are more fun when you are tipsy. I am a hot blooded italian in my 20's and I am so close to moving out on this 6 year marriage...am I nuts to have stayed this long? Would this bother anyone else out there?

No kids. Problem is, I am finding myself wanting to be in the arms of someone else now. I have been lonely for a long time...

Answer 1

Even if it hurts, you have to let him go. I was in the same place as you before. Everything you described happened to me too. You stop even feeling like a woman anymore. He has severe psychological problems that you'll never understand. what you have to understand is this is his problem and it's got nothing to do with you. If you don't leave his behavior will eventually start to take it's toll on you. Please take my advice and leave before this really starts to damage you mentally. I am 42 yrs. old, so, I promise you, I do know where you're coming from. I'm truly sorry for you. But, you'll be a better person for it in the long run. good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

That would bother me alot! Actually the funny thing is my husband wants it waaay too much and it annoys me and turns me off. He said "you should be happy that I'm still hot for you" I never thought of how I would feel if he never wanted it. The internet porn is inappropriate as well and that's too many stupid excuses. LOL I use the excuses that my legs aren't shaved etc etc so we don't have to have sex. It's weird hearing it come from a guy. For a man 4 years is a LONG time to go without sex. How is he pleasing himself (with the internet porn?) Have you openly asked him why is he being like this? It sounds like you need to have a nice long talk with him. A marriage should not be like this at all. There's no intimacy or love. You can't make a marriage out of that. I don't know if I could have handled it as long as you have. You know what?? If a woman refused to have sex with a man.....I'm sure he would have divorced her long before four years! something weird is going on with him and you really should find out what it is, if you can. If not ...hopefully there's no children involved...you really need to evaluate your marriage and decide whether or not to move on if he can't change and give you the love and affection you need.

Answer 3

Yes It'd bother me. 1. If you like sex and he's not giving you any, that's a problem right there! 2. My boyfriend isn't good at giving me gifts either, but at least he tries. He gives his sister some money so she can go buy presents and give it to him so he can give it to me. 3. I don't really mind porn, but it seems you do. Is it possible that you can incorporate porn into sex? i.e. you both get turned on by the porn that you engage in sexual activity? This might be a way to get him into it? 4. Saying that you guys need to get into better shape is just an excuse. My boyfriend is so skinny and I am not the skinniest girl in the world, and we do it just fine. Fat people do it too, you know. And my legs aren't always the smoothest, but my boyfriend could care less.

You shouldn't stay with him because he is obviously NOT your other half. He doesn't seem to complete you.

Answer 4

First off, listen to your heart. Next, check to see if he has a problem with a sexual addiction. If he is spending all of his spare time surfing for porn and not paying attention to you, then he is in the addictive mode. He is going to first need to come out of denial about it. He needs to know that by doing this then he is cheating on you psychologically. There is a group in some churches that deal specifically with this. There are also several books that can help with overcoming this type of addiction. The group is "Celebrating Recovery" (deals with all types of addiction, including sexual or porn addiction). Three of the best books on the subject is "Every Man's Battle", "Men's Secret Wars", and "Living with your Husband's Secret Wars". Hope this helps.

Answer 5

I do not feel that you have a good marriage at this point and I feel if you really love him and want to try to make it work then I would seek marriage counciling. If he does not want to work out what is wrong then I would say to end the relationship since one person alone cannot work it out themselves. Yes if my husband was like this it would really bother me and I would not have waited as long as you have to try to figure out what to do. So I say give yourself a pat on the back for putting up with this for so long, but I would talk to him about it very soon.

Answer 6

Yes, it would bother me. Have you talked to him about it? because you should. Communicating usually resolves alot of things. If he doesn't change, don't divorce him. You should just go away for a few days by yourself, take some time off to figure things out. See how he reacts to your absence & just take it from there. You've both come a long way if you reached 6 years. Don't let go of that on something that you both may be able to fix. GOOD LUCK & don't give up.

Answer 7

Yes this would bother me. You're not crazy for staying you just need to look at what you want and decide if you want to take a chance on finding it. Have you talked to him and told him your feelings about thinking of leaving? This may help things change and if not you may decide to take a chance and find a relationship where you can get the intimacy you crave.

Answer 8

wow your very patient, i would of been gone a long time ago, he may be making you feel like its you cause he isnt man enough to tell you the real reason why. listen girl, no man can go 4 years without sex, sounds to me that hes getting off on the porn internet sites, so pack his stuff and put it outside and tell him your tired of him being married to himself. I hope your not buying him gifts on holiday/occasion cause it seems to me all he deserves is to be kicked to the CURB. its a big world out there and it looks like he has allready chosen to be alone, get out their in the world and meet some real people and forget about him

Answer 9

Usually when there are problems with sex there are issues somewhere else that are just manifesting themselves in the bedroom. You need to be real with him. Tell him how you feel and lay it down on the line.

Maybe counseling will work but if he is unwilling to work on the marriage... a separation may be the answer. It may help him see what he would be missing out on. In the meantime.. try different ways to turn him on. Lingerie with stilettos and candle light dinners. If it still doesn't work... Get a vibrator... u may get more satisfaction from that anyway.

Answer 10

He's not displaying normal behavior and you have every right to expect an intimate relationship with your husband. Either he gets counseling that you both go to in order to fix the relationship, or you have to leave. Do not waste your life in a miserable relationship --there are plenty of men out there who would be happy to be married and having sex all the time. Don't ruin your whole life!