What would you do/say to your son if he called you fat and old?

Question

My 12 yr old son has been getting to be more of a smart alec every day with disrespectful remarks and sarcasm.

The latest is calling me fat and old.

It started because I was upset that he didn't want to try the wheels in his $80 heelies.

He's not too good at anything that requires agility & balance. He'll try something once and quit. I warned him in the store that they're real hard to do (because I had tried them myself when they came out and I couldn't do it).

My younger son is getting a hang of it because he practices. I encouraged my older one by saying, I understand how difficult it is, but you have to try now & then, and with practice, it will pay off in the long run, as you'll have fun and have a feeling of accomplishment.

He retorts with "at least I'm not fat"! and ..."at least I'm not old"!

If that wasn't bad enough, later he said Women aren't smart. Women are things!! I was speechless!

What would you do / say if it were you?

I wanted to add, I'm a smart woman but my husband calls me stupid, even though I'm not.

I would NEVER talk to my mother this way.

re: your so old......

I'll say, we didn't have videos when I your age... an he'll say "you mean back in the dinosaur days"?

The first time it was funny, but it says it every day now in one way or the other... so it's getting sickening.

When I told him I wasn't going to tolerate his disrespectful words and he would be punished, he told me I couldn't punish him because of "Freedom of Speech"... that he can say whatever he wants because of freedom of speech!? Can you believe this? How would you respond to this freedom of speech thing?

Answer 1

If you husband calls you stupid chances are he has other disrespectful attitudes toward you as well, and there's a good chance your son is now copying his father. Your problem could be that your husband isn't the one who will stop your son because of the type of person your husband is.

If it were my son I would make an appointment with a counselor for him and myself, and go discuss the situation with a counselor. Maybe an outsider (he may respect more, and maybe you should get a male counselor) can point out a few things to your son about respecting you.

Other than doing that, the only other thing you may be able to do is pin his shoulders up against a wall, get in his face, and glare into his eyes and say, "Look. If you ever, ever, insult me again I will have you off to a psychiatrist as soon as look at you; because you are showing signs of becoming a cowardly and verbally abusive person; and I am not going to have that happen, and I am not going to take crap from a little boy who has some kind of issue these days!!"

During calmer times, though, you may want to have a cool, calm, conversation with his and point out that it is because he is still a child that he believes you are old. Point out that if someone is fatter than he thinks they ought to be there is the chance they gained some weight after having babies or because their metabolism slowed down; and someone else's weight is not his business anyway.

In calmer times have conversations about how people can disagree with others without name-calling and yelling. Tell him you aren't going to have name-calling and yelling in the house. You want civil conversation in which each person respects the other.

Answer 2

That is a tricky situation. Clearly your son is feeling insecure about his own inadequacies and taking it out on you. First though I think you need to address the issue of your husband's lack of respect. If your sons hear him calling you stupid etc of course they will think it's OK to do that.

Perhaps it's time to assert your authority a bit. If they can't treat you politely and with respect then why should you put yourself out for them and that includes you husband. So explain that you aren't prepared to be spoken to in that way and if it happens, you will keep it in mind next time one of them wants a lift somewhere, some pocket money, a shirt ironed, dinner, the house cleaned.

You're the mother, your role in the family is the most important, start making sure they see that.

You could also try very calm and quiet when your son has been rude and saying how hurt you are by his comments, how you love him regardless of what he looks like, or acts like, or can and can't do, and if that isn't "smart" if that's what makes women stupid and "things" then he should think himself lucky because without your unconditional love he would have some really big problems.

Answer 3

To me seems like she is both too lazy or she do not understand how to potty educate him or she is solely simple dull. This little boy must be potty educated through now and be off the bottle. I do not feel she wishes the child to develop up. Just inform her directly out that she is striking her sons existence at the line and to position him on a nutrition now and now not later. What does his father say approximately all this? Is he round? Tell her that her son goes to have plenty of middle drawback and he can die because of having to a lot fats round his middle. My more youthful step sister is fats she has been like this on the grounds that she was once approximately 7 months historical and she or he has had alot of drawback she is 24 and she or he nonetheless has drawback along with her middle on account that she is solely to fats. Tell your buddy to get up and begin being a dependable guardian or you'll get any one to come back and spot her on account that quite it is a case of baby abuse ( good it's in which i come from) Good good fortune and i'm hoping the whole thing seems for the satisfactory.

Answer 4

Ahh, I have so much to look forward to when my son gets that way. Even though smacking him in the mouth was the way that I learned about respect or the lack thereof, and even though it would probably make you feel the best, don't.

Here is an idea that should work. If he is disrespectful, take away everything for the rest of the day. EVERYTHING. No t.v., video games etc etc. Fix oatmeal for all three meals. Let him start to respect the fact, that everything that he enjoys in his twelve year old life, comes from his "fat and old" mother.

I realize this is drastic, but remember you are still supplying everything that he needs. If he wants something more than oatmeal, or something to do other than stare at the wall, then he will learn to treat you with respect.

Answer 5

Nobody has touched on yet that your son has low self esteem and is sensitive about his lack of ability at physical things. That is very important for a boy. Obviously he feels criticized when you make remarks about that.

He is calling you names and criticizing you when when you call attention to his lack of agility so that you will stop doing that. It would be nice if his father could help him with this.

He is also imitating your husband by calling you "stupid". You need to get your husband to stop doing that. I don't know either you or your husband so I don't know the best way to do that. It might helpful if you and your husband go to marriage counseling or the 3 of you go to family counseling.

I would like to remind the people that said that you should hit your husband that that is domestic abuse and is a serious crime.

Answer 6

he's a rude disrespectful tween who's getting hormone rushes. If he hears your husband calling you stupid then hes learning by example. you are not helping the situation by letting him get away with it. If he's not athletically inclined , so be it . you are making him feel bad by praising his younger brother. he needs that kind of praise as well for doing SOMETHING. what is he good at? praise him for it. insist he doesn't talk disrespectfully to you, and remove privilages for not following the rules. Get off his case about the heelies . let him learn in his own time. If he really isn't interested in learning after a few months and wont wear them.... sell them.and get him something that he will be good at. As for calling you old and fat, tell him "yes I may be but that doesnt make it right for you to be disrespectful"

Answer 7

Personally, I'd just take away his video game console/computer privilage and then turn to him and say: "Now, wheres those dinosaurs..."

You're not going to be able to change the way he thinks, that will just make him push harder. When he gets old enough to realize how awesome girls are, then he will come around. Stopping him from watching certain TV channels, some music, and most of the internet might help, but over-restricting is always a bad idea.

Answer 8

I think you answered your own question. You said that your husband calls you stupid. He's doing what your husband is doing.
You dont deserve that. I'd have my man in a serious conversation, insist he change his behavior. You need to tell your son his behavior is unacceptable, and he has hurt you by saying mean and rude things. He should be punished/grounded whatever.. and your husband needs a kick in the hind end.

Answer 9

you child is learning from his father, you said he calls you stupid when you are not. You ARE being stupid if you will sit and allow this to happen. Tell your husband you WILL leave him if he does not straighten up. Tell your kid to shut the hell up. Be more aggressive and assertive. Speak your mind woman! If he continues to say bad things take his toys away or ground him. Counseling would also be good for him. Family counseling actually

Answer 10

EDIT: freedom of speach is for adults! when he lives under your roof he has NO FREEDOM!

you are the parent YOU have controll, not him!

This is a war woman you against him, who's gonna win???








I'm a 17 year old guy:

"If i ever said that to my parents (and i did along time ago) the would and Have beat my butt red with a belt!"

that's my advice to you on your son, now lets get to your husband.

your husband sounds like a sexist PIG, i think you need to stop saying your smart and start Acting like you are :)

you need to teach that MAN lesson! no doubt your son is acting sexist because he got it from your husband. So do the world a favor and teach your husband that women aren't "things" so that your son doesn't grow up to treat women like they are.