I'm just not feeling it anymore...what to do?

Question

My fiance and I have been together for a little over 3 years (We have lived together for most of that). Lately, (last few months) I feel distant from him. I feel like I'm pulling away. He asks me if I miss him when he goes to work... I lie and say yes. In fact, I enjoy my time alone, without him. Which is stupid, because I LOVE him so much. I would go crazy without him. I just don't feel the... ummm "oomph" that I used to feel. I also have no real interest in the physical aspects of the relationship. He hasn't changed. He still does everything that I like...or I guess...used to like. I just am not that interested in getting physical. We've been under a lot of stress lately (money issues) and I have gained a bit of weight and am not exactly happy with how I look. Could my problem really be as simple as stress? And suggestions are appreciated...(and we can't afford to go out and spend money right now...so a romantic date is out of the question) PLEASE HELP.

Answer 1

Stress and the changes youve been going through is to blame.. money issues are horrible on a marriage. My husband and I are great but if things get tight, we get kinda grouchy. Its just stress. Try to spend some time apart.. take your space. Do what makes you feel good. If your weight gain bothers you, try to do something about it. It is amazing how losing 5 lbs will make you feel about everything! Dont take it too seriously.. times like these will come and go.

Answer 2

Sounds pretty normal to me.

There are physical things that can affect your libido, but from the stress you've described it doesn't sound like you have to go too far to find an explanation. Feeling bad about yourself physically will really affect you, too.

This would be a good time to practice some communication. Let him know how you're feeling--that you're stressed, that you aren't feeling great about yourself, and that you could use some extra support for a while. Feelings go up and down all the time, it's your commitment to each other that gets you through the down times.

There are a lot of "romantic" things you can do to spend time together that don't cost much money, if any. My husband and I have a weekly date at Starbucks. You can go for walks together, have a movie night (you can check movies out of the library for free--put a bunch on reserve and watch them together as they come in). Ask for a backrub, or give one. Depending where you live museums and things may have a free or discounted day. Have another couple over for dinner and enjoy spending time with your friends. Having fun and de-stressing doesn't have to cost money.

Answer 3

Oh sweety, it's a phase...if you let it be. You have a lot of things going on here
1) the weight will definetly affect the way you feel in the bedroom. Who wants to wear something sexy (or even leave the lights on) when you're not feeling fit!
2) money, stress...total downer.
3) You're not exactly newlyweds. 3 years is pretty long. You're not going to feel butterflys all the time. It's ok that you don't miss him anymore when he's at work. As a matter of fact, it shows that you are secure.

The goods news...you can do some things to help.
Even when you don't feel like it, give him a big hug, really squeeze & hold on. He'll hug back and it helps to rekindle the sparks.
Talk a walk, it'll get your endorphines going and you feel better mentally & physically.
Remind yourself of all the things you love about him. Think about what it would feel like if you weren't with him.

If you distance yourself, he'll start to pull back too. And honey, find out if you really do love hm before you get married.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Relationships are always changing. The fact that you are now enjoying your personal time is no indication that anything is wrong, in fact it just means that your relationship is changing. During the first part of love, it's romantic and we are constantly wanting to be with that other person. Then, when we become more established you learn to have an independant self apart from your relationship (completely healthy). I think those other factors that you mentioned -- money issues and self-esteem issues are also having an effect. Just hang in there. It's the roller-coaster ride of love and things will soon get better. Just have a good long talk with your other half and let him know that you are aware that these things are affecting how you are feeling and he needs to help you while you work through them. Remember, counseleing is always there, even for things that aren't that serious.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are comfortable with guy - but no longer in love with him. That's really okay. Sometimes we are with individuals because they are "safe". They know you and except you as a person, but that doesn't mean we should stay with that person. Its nothing WRONG with you or him because your feelings have changed (or better said - matured). Look at it like this; don’t find yourself in a loveless, lifeless marriage - 10 years from now with 2 1/2 kids and a dog. It’s not fair to you, the guy or the children you might bring in the relationship. Consider it a blessing and move on.

Also, the sparks in a relationship will not always be there. It doesn't necessarily mean you no longer love that person. When those "sparks" go away, REALISTIC emotions and feelings can enter. The over excitement of a relationship is NOT love - its lust, infatuation, passion etc. - its fun though - but not love.

Answer 6

If you stay at home everyday doing all the basic chores of a wife to be that would end up being a big problem. He might walk out on you before you do. So, he's still the same in bed, same ole routine nothing fantastically great to wow you...that where you need to make adjustment to creative another level of a love affair instead of giving up because you feel unattractive.
Sounds like you both argue a lot too...You wrote your problems read it and make changes, a hobby and less show of jealousy is a good way to start.

Answer 7

It sounds like your already married lol. Sometimes things just need to get perked up a bit. A romantic date doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Just make your dinner more special with candles and nice plates if you have them.
You can go on walks in the woods even when it is cold. The walks also will help with the weight gain. I understand how hard it is to lose it once gained.

Look at what you have to make life more fun. Just doing something different can make all the difference in the world.

Answer 8

been there, let me just say, if your not happy with yourself, you won't feel happy with him. We tend to think "okay, i like being away from him, does that mean we aren't meant to be? Well, for one thing, it is okay to want your own time, we need that its healthy to want to be away from each other. Maybe b/c you gained alittle, you don't feel sexy, sweetie it could just be horomes for you know. Stress is an evil thing, can doop you in to thinking theres nothing there anymore, money problems are never going to go away, i just don't feel the "oomph", I have been there, i sat him down, and told him, I love you, and i love being with you but I need me time, and you constantly wanting to know if i love you is wearing me thin, i'm stressed out and i want to let you know that just because i don't say it all the time, does not mean i dont. If he loves you, he will understand, if he doesn't understand, then maybe you two weren't meant to be. As for bringing spark back, you don't need money. have a picnic, set a bunch of candles out and turn on some romantic music, have a bath together and just chill. You will soon realize that you have just been in a weird funk. if you are not happy with yourself, start up walking that always helps me. good luck and God bless

Answer 9

well after 3 years u are not gonna have that "oomph" that you used to have and thats natural for any relationship. yes it can be stress thats causing u to feel distant from him. i could just be the daily routine being the same all the time. i know u dont have money to go out for a romatic date but maybe u guys could set up a weekly thing for just the two of u guys....something different every week like one week u can rent movies and chill together on the couch and the next week you could play your favorite game together.....something like that...well i wish u 2 the best....goodluck!

Answer 10

weight gain could be contributing to your dissattisfaction,it doesn't appear that it is bothering him though,money issues also another stress factor..a romantic date does not have to cost money.there are many ways to spend time together away from home..sounds like you are more not pleased with your own self right now.you don;t have anything negative to say about him.yeah it could just be those things you already noted. the ooopmh.kinda get's a little less intense over the years sometimes ,but it becomes something stronger if it is real love good luck..