My husband prefers porn and masterbation over having sex with me. I am an average attractive woman 39 years old being deprived of a sex life. He has a fetish of 3 somes. In the beginning of our marrriage he let it be known that was his turn on. after a while i told him off and let him know that in no way was i that kind of person. Since then we have sex about every 3 months. I used to find all kinds of porn things, he has gotton better at hiding them now. What should I do? He refuses counseling and denys that he has a problem in any type of manner. He had a threesome with his first wife and she got pregnant with the other guys child. Their marriage didnt last to say the least. I found out a day to late.
2007-01-15 15:32:51 · 15 answers · asked by no time to feel this way 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Anything can become an addiction.
In your husbands case he cant see that he has a problem: He is an addict.
You should contact your local chapter of sa (sexaholics anonymous) and see what they recommend here. They have a few miles on their moccasins when it comes to this. Tough Love is the only option that might work here. Try reading the book its a whole set of ideas and not just a literal interpretation of the phrase "tough love".
Im very sorry this happened. He has been taught (like a lot of guys have) that porn and any sexual deviance is good as long as the people involved want it and he is acting consistently within that. The only problem is that its degrading, dehumanizing, and the relationships cant last.
Im sorry that you had to experience that the hard way. Im sure you heard that those types of things were not healthy, but you probably heard the words from the mouth of a bigot, so you couldn't evaluate their truth apart from the person of the bigot. Im sorry that your husband doesnt love you. Im so sorry that he doesnt respect you. I wish your relationship was based on integrity so you could truly trust each other. I wish he wasn't addicted.
He is likely to never change of his own free will. He isn't capable of walking away anymore, is he? Are you?
2007-01-15 16:31:43 · answer #1 · answered by Curly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a guy says he wants a "threesome," he doesn't normally mean he wants another guy! He had another guy with his ex? Was this gay porn you were finding around the house?
You didn't find out too late. It's never too late. I don't know if this guy's into women at all, but it doesn't sound like he's into you--or like any woman should be into him. Why waste another day on him?
There's nothing abnormal about liking porn, but liking it to the exclusion of your relationship with a real live human being is a definite problem. Something's is VERY wrong with that! He's made a choice, and it's not for you. Don't hang around, get out of there and go find the guy you deserve to be with. Hopefully you haven't had kids together yet!
2007-01-15 16:02:39 · answer #2 · answered by EQ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have let him know how you feel about this i would say walk out that door you deserve much better. I am almost in the same boat as you are. I have a wonderful hubby who loves to have sex with me but also turns to porn at every waking minute he has. I do not allow such items in my house and i refuse to allow him access to the computer. I feel like that is a form of cheating. We have 5 children and it is impossiable for me to make love to him 1000 times a day. It sounds like to me that we just might be 2 single ladies before long... Anyhow good luck and best wishes
2007-01-15 16:01:57 · answer #3 · answered by Sherman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys and porn is a very touchy subject. On the one hand, they are always going to look as much as we wish they didn't. However, on the other hand, when it starts to have an affect on your relaltionship it's a serious problem and if he loves you and his marriage he will understand how dangerous his behavior is and make some serious efforts to change. From what you've said it doesn't sound like he is willingly to change and for that reason you are going to have to take some serious action and move out. There is no sense in being in a relationship when there is none. You deserve to be loved better than this.
2007-01-15 16:01:46 · answer #4 · answered by gg55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why people need to communicate before it's "a day too late." He initiated the three-some and left her when she got pregnant with the other guy's baby? That's lame! The threesome thing is lame, anyway...but go to counseling by yourself and figure out why you put up with this (person).
2007-01-15 15:46:31 · answer #5 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that he his a lot of his trueself from you until before you and him got married...I would say get out of it because its more than likely not going to last. You can do better just the next time be straight forward and honest about who you are and what you like right from the beginning and if they guy has a problem with it....say goodbye. Don't see yourself short in life hun...Good Luck
2007-01-15 15:40:22 · answer #6 · answered by ashleyanderic_2006 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stop having sex all together i guess. Leave? It depends on what your beliefs are...he wasn`t forthcoming with his issues and you got sold junk...question is are you prepared to stay with someone who only has sex with you to keep you on the hook and has made it clear that he will not change things...for better or worse right? Remember porn is no different than having an affair.
2007-01-15 15:42:17 · answer #7 · answered by Therapist King 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hubby does not have a porn problem..
3somes are normal with men but normal men want 2 women..
Never ever have another man or couple in your bed..
3somes with 2 women and 1 man are what is normal...
Woman Always invites 2nd woman..
Man never contact other woman outside of bedroom...
You need a divorce and another husband....Fast...
2007-01-15 15:51:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
dump him and find someone who will appreciate you. It won't get any better and you aren't getting any younger.
Or have an affair, cause whether he's actually touching them or not, in his mind, he's cheated on you a thousand times. Dump the creep. No one should have to live with that abuse
2007-01-15 15:59:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes i feel this is abnormal and something is definitley wrong here.... If i were you i would seek help and marriage counseling and see if he will go with you... If he does not want help or want to change then leave and divorce him... You deserve better then this.
2007-01-15 15:52:34 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋