When i was in my early teens i was minimally 'abused' (meaning no sex) by my father’s best friend, I have been in one serious relationship since and when we did have sex, I got so scared that I broke up with him. Since then 2004, I have been terrified of sex and I am scared to be in another relationship. No one except my best friend knows this and I am struggling to find answers as to why! Any help would be wonderful.
2007-01-15 15:29:32 · 8 answers · asked by ? 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
There are lots of different responses to being abused. Don't minimize your experience just because penetration didn't occur - it's still quite serious and you feel like you feel!
It may take some time to work through this. I'd suggest seeing a therapist if you can. (Don't feel you have to go to the first therapist you meet, though; interview or try some different ones until you feel comfortable.)
There are some websites which describe how others with similar experiences have felt. You may find them validating or they may help you feel less alone. I found several by typing "surviving sexual abuse" into Yahoo's search engine - the one listed below seems pretty good.
You have my sympathies - best of luck to you!
2007-01-15 15:45:21 · answer #1 · answered by IrritableMom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would talk with a therapist. She can help you discover the why's and what's about yourself. Only you know the specifics of your situation. It seems pretty self-explanatory, but apparently, there's more to it than we know.
I was molested as a young girl, but I was never afraid of sex later on life. Didn't say that I didn't have *any* issues, but everyone is different. Things affect people differently causing a different reaction. One thing I can tell you though, is that I have forgiven the person.
2007-01-15 15:41:34 · answer #2 · answered by punchy333 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be the abuse, it could be a general fear that your parents or the community instilled ("You better not have sex, or you'll get pregnant and have a miserable life", "Sex is evil", "Sex is sin").
The first sex is a scarey encounter tho...It could have been painful for you just for that.
Perhaps a therapist could help, perhaps it would be to just let it play out. When you find the best and most loving man that you can, he may be able to help you work it out patiently. I did that for someone that I love very much.
2007-01-15 15:40:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
... not necessarily. Usually our minds make connections. And usually our fears are based on when fear or anxiety is attached to something directly or closely enough. You say there was no sex, but was there sex play? It seemed enough like sex, but wasn't. My theory is that it was enough like it that it makes you afraid when getting close to sex.
Furthermore, your dad's friend's actions came from a position of power - he was stronger than you. In sex, sometimes we are in positions of submission, and it may be that you fear being overpowered. Therefore, it is this fear that you have, not of sex in and of itself. You might try another session with you in the power position and see if you're able. Make sure your partner knows that you have to be in the drivers seat. It may be that over time you will relax and be able to assume the other roll.
2007-01-15 16:09:14 · answer #4 · answered by Dino 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been there,dont want to go into details on yahoo about it but it does take time to get over it.First thing you have to do is realize YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.Second step is confronting the issue,either with your dad or his friend.This is the only way you are going to get over this.After the two,you will find your life will go on and you will have normal relationships.And when you find someone that you love,tell him.Dont shut him out,if he loves you he will give you strength.Good luck and God Bless.BTW,I did go to therapists and none helped.Just my opinion.You can do this on your own,dont let the abuser win by destroying you for the rest of your life.Dont give that S.O.B. the satisfaction.
2007-01-15 15:41:59 · answer #5 · answered by rosierotnass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it is completely normal to have these feelings if you have been abused in your past...usually victims go to one of two extremes...they either become extremely promiscuous or they are scared by any sexual contact...although there are still some that have a normal sex life....I would suggest that you seek some therapy...it can be very beneficial in helping people overcome these feelings...Good Luck!
2007-01-15 15:39:48 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no everyone does, everyone is different however, it can affect people i know when i was with my ex i was abused in every form of the word.everyday he even tried killin me. i know it happens 2 people who were raped as well. i don t like to admit this on here but, i have been raped a very good amount of times.I as molested at a young age. i know sometimes more so that i dont care to have sex. because when i do all i can see in my head is the raper on top of me. attackin me n sometimes i c both of those in my dreams. so its a scary thing 2 go through.
2007-01-15 15:39:25 · answer #7 · answered by thatsspoiledangel2u 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have an answer, but the same thing happened to me when I was younger. However that didn't affect me in the sex area. It's possible your history is affecting you, but maybe there's a chance its something else that's making you terrified of sex?
2007-01-15 15:40:01 · answer #8 · answered by jessie w 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋