If she's pregnant.....?

Question

How do I convince my nearly 19 year-old daughter that if she is pregnant (not for sure) that she shouldn't have an abortion. She has already said that is what she will do. I think it would break my heart. She is my only child and this would be my first grandchild. She is in a brand-new relationship but he seems like a good person and has already said he would stay with her. She lives with me and I have told her that I would help her out and everything. But she says that it doesn't matter because she isn't ready to have a child.
What should I say to her?

Answer 1

You can't do anything to change her mind. This is her decision, not yours.

19 is very young to have a child. While you have offered to help her out, and her boyfriend has said he will stay with her, she may not be emotionally ready for motherhood. She still has many years ahead of her and doubtless there are dozens of things she wants to do before she settles down and raises a family. You cannot deny her that freedom.

While you are keen to have grandchildren, take comfort in the fact that she probably will have children later in life - maybe in 7 or 8 years - and that this won't be the only opportunity for you to have grandchildren.

If you do convince her to keep the child, it's probable that she'll spent a good deal of time regretting the decision, because it will mean that she wasn't able to continue her young life in a normal fashion. She may even end up resenting the child.

Let her make this decision for herself.

Answer 2

Hello I am 22. My bestfriend had an abortion this past summer because she claimed she was not ready for a child.
Just let her know that she might not ever get the chance to concieve again.(i hope she will but...) There are so many women that cannot concieve or have been trying for years. To be able to have a child is a true blessing. I tried to convience my friend from getting one (her parents did not and still do not know) it didnt work though.
There are some websites on line that will show you what the baby looks like after abortion. Show her those pictures and maybe that will help. Most clinics will show her diagrams and etc before the scheduled apt.
There are many women who are not ready for children but they still have them. I am not going to sit here and say since she layed down and opened her legs then she should have the child because no matter what she is going to do what she wants to do. Just be there for her and try to show her the positive side of things. Being a mom is not all that bad hey...you had her and did not get rid of her.
Good luck and take care

Answer 3

This is the biggest decision she has had to make this far in her life and no matter how much you would be there to help and support her, this is her decision and ultimately she will be the one responsible for taking care of a child for the rest of her life and if she has told you that she is not ready, then she is not ready and you should be supportive of her decision and be supportive of her after she has an abortion because that is when she will need you most.

On top of that, why would you want her to be tied to a person for the rest of her life that is a guy from a new relationship that neither of you know very much about. You do not tie yourself to someone because they "seem like a good person" after knowing them for 15 minutes.

Once this ordeal is over, you should sit down with your daughter and be a responsible parent:
1. teach her about birth control and take her to get put on reliable birth control
2. find out why her confidence is so low that she would sleep with a guy in brand new relationship -- teach her that you should not sleep with guy in new relationships but only after there is a true and established commitment that is time tested

Do your job as a parent and help your daughter to believe in herself and to have enough confidence to keep her legs closed. For God's sake, please be a mother now and not a right-winger pushing your abortion views on her

Answer 4

Maybe she would let you adopt the baby, or at least give you custody until she is ready to be a parent. She probably isn't ready to be a parent, and it's good that she can recognize that. Please ask her not to compound the mistake she has already made by murdering her own child. If she isn't ready to take care of the child, she can let you have it until she is, or give the baby up for adoption. Then she can finish school, or get a good start on her own life before she gets tied down to a baby. That way everybody wins. Maybe she wouldn't feel so scared and backed into a wall if you gave her this option. She sounds like she has her head on straight, she isn't just a screw up dropping kids on her parents because she just doesn't care. She probably cares very much, just doesn't know what to do. Maybe you and the father can work out a way for the two of you to take care of the baby, and maybe send your daughter off to school somewhere (if she wants to go) so she doesn't have to be reminded everyday. I wish every young girl who made this mistake had as wonderful a mother as you.

Answer 5

It would be best to take her to the ob when shes around 6 weeks and then tell her no one has the right to stop a beating heart which she can see at 6 weeks. After seeing her child's heart beat on the ultra sound screen she wont have the heart to terminate the pregnancy. Or tell her if she truly doesn't want the child there are other options maybe she could let you adopt the child so she still has contact but isnt fully responciable for it. Best of luck shes young but im sure if you encourage her she will do the right thing.

Answer 6

Its a sticky stituation but ultimately its her choice in the end. I think you need to take time to really state NOT TO GET pregnant until she is stable and in a healthy position to have a baby. She is pretty young yet to be a mom. So as a mom, PREACH a lot of responsibility first, babys second, and choices third. Respect her ideals its her body she may not want to put a baby through a bad situation, but BE 100% sure she knows that abortion should NOT be used as birth control. That is just morally wrong.

Answer 7

You need to show her pictures of what they do to the babies during an abortion. It may not hurt her, but if she is pregnant at this moment, this baby has a heart beat...it is a human being! There are pictures of babies that are aborted at 4 mths, and they have arms, legs, etc. and the doctors have to kill it and pull off its' limbs. Explain to her that if she wasn't ready for a baby, then she should not have had sex. There are 12 and 13 year olds who have kids. If they can do it, then so can she! Try your hardest, this is a major issue!

Every one else on here has said "She is over 18...it is her choice", but who cares someone needs to atleast explain these things to her!

Answer 8

I honestly dont beleive in abortion myself but it is her choice. I would just tell her to think long and hard about it because if she is pregnant and has an abortion she defantly will regret it later and there is no going back. Lots of people would give ne thing to have a parent as great as u seem. Good luck!

Answer 9

sorry to say but us 19 years are stubburn and once our mind is made up there is really no way of changing it. she may come around and change her mind but keep tellign her that you will be there for her and will help out anyway you can. but in the end it is her choice if she wants to have abortion than just stick by her side no matter what. she may need someone to lean on after she realizes that she may have messed up and feels quilty about it.

Answer 10

Well, she may be your daughter, but it is HER body, HER choice and HER baby.

This is a decision that she needs to make on her own, taking into consideration your advice as well as the comments of the father. Either way, she needs your support now. Not a guilt trip. Please tell her you trust her to make the right decision for herself, and mean it.

Just because she doesn't have a baby now doesn't mean she won't in the future.