Possesive and Obsessive......?

Question

My husband and I are separated and have been for 3 months. During our marriage he always "checked up" on me. He would call me from work to see where I was, what I was doing, and who I was with. If he got home from work and I wasn't home he would check with our neighbors to see if they'd seen me. Now he is over 800 miles away from me and calls my place of work to see what my hours are, he calls my cell or text's me constantly while I'm at work, If I don't answer he calls my house. Now he has started calling my friends and family to see who I hang out with, what I do, and where I go when I'm not working. I have nothing to hide but it really scares me. I feel so violated. What can I do to stop him from trying to find out what I am doing every minute of every day?

We have a 14 month old daughter together. He has my numbers in case of an emergency. He was not like this before we were married but since the ring was placed on my finger he has been this way. We are separated because of this and other issues. A divorce is in the near future. We have been married for almost 4 years. To answer some questions that have popped up.

Answer 1

I know this is your husband and you have a child with him and I if I were in the situation I would feel like I have some type of commitment to stay in touch with him, but separated or not- you need to have your own time, space and freedom.

I would be scared too if he was going to such desperate measures to know my every step. I would start documenting all of the things that were happening and how often he contacts you. He needs to get a life and keep it moving. Have you told him yourself to not do these things?

He sounds a little bit intimidating. Especially when you mentioned that you have nothing to hide- you are separated and yet you feel that if you did have something that you would hide it! Remember you have no obligation to him and that you are your own person. I know that you have a child with him but you can always agree to contact him only. Protect your sanity and tell him to STOP! And if that doesn't work I would definitely take legal action such as a restraining order. Good luck, honey and be safe!

Answer 2

Announce your separation to all he is contacting. They may know but not fully aware of the exact relationship between you two. He may also put on abit of a sad story or tell a lie why he must get in contact with you. Tell them of his ploys and not to fall for them. Have a word to your workplace about confidentiality regarding your hours etc. These should not be given out, after all who are they to know if there is a safety issue involved by giving out this info. Your ex has problems and this will probably intensify as his access to your whereabouts becomes denied to him . Seek help from a domestic violence service, his behaviour certainly makes you a victim. There are laws out there to protect you. Give a hard thought before returning to this man it wont get any better. Invest in answer machine for his calls, dont deny him complete access to you as he may just show up unexpected. At least with a machine you have the choice of returning/answering his call or not and it is also evidence of harrassment in the cts should you need it later. Dont delete threatening messages at all this is illegal. Document all contact he is having that bothers you, this will assist you in court at a later stage as evidence.

Answer 3

Get a written statement from everyone he talks to, and use it to get an order of no contact.

And tell your workplace to tell him they can't give out your information to anyone but you.

Just tell everyone involved that things are really getting out of hand and they need to not talk to him about you because it fuels his obbsession.

Harassment is a crime. If proven, depending on the severity and frequency of the conduct and the harasser's prior criminal record, harassment can be punishable as a misdemeanor or a felony. Harassment is repeatedly sending you threatening letters, calling you on the phone, or sending you unwanted gifts. It can also involve following you, watching you, and coming to your place of work or home. Its usually called stalking. Harassment can also include intentionally exposing you to materials he knows are culturally offensive or intimidating to you.

It doesn't matter if he says its not intended to scare you. The law now reflects the understanding that, regardless of the motivation for the conduct, it disrupts the victim's life and may threaten the victim's safety.

Answer 4

I don't know if I should say this. My best friend was going through this. She was so devoted and worked two jobs. I never knew anything was wrong. She started looking ill, and she told me he had a girlfriend and a child on the way. He was always checking on her and she always had to call to say where she was even while we were at Mickey Dees. She is happily divorced.

Answer 5

People like that never change. (Did he act like this before you were married?) Well, I guess the only thing you can do is try to get some kind of court order that says he can't call your job or your house. You can ask your friends and family not to tell him anything about who you are with or what you are doing.

Answer 6

Unfortunately this is your own doing. Why does he have your phone numbers at work home cell? If you have kids together its different but it seems like you still care for him or at least care about him if you still remain in contact. The question is do you want to get back together? If so he will need counseling and possibly psychotherapy, he needs to see a psychologist/pschaitrist for his issue. He may be obsessive and its hard to break of this trait without treatment/counseling or drug therapy

Answer 7

well first of all sorry that this happening to you. have you tried to tell him to stop checking up on you cause after all you two are not togther. their is a difference if he calls to check up on his child but that does not sound like the case. if you dont mind any advice i think that you should change your number cause it sounds like he is real controlling and possessive your child does not need any of that behavior around them. i would try to talk to the people he tries to get a hold of when he cant get ahold of you and tell them how you feel about this and see what they suggest and maybe you can ask them not to say anything about you to him.

Answer 8

hello,
first things first tell him to get a life because he isn't yours any more..
2 get a restraining order they can set up visitation and every thing till the devorce...you can prove he is stalking you through the text messages
3 stay away from him due to he can hurt you being mad or any thing else he thinks you are doing...you do not need any contact to him except when your daughter falls or gets really badly hurt.....
4 get a totaly new life and send him away wheping...good luck

Answer 9

have you try telling him this, i dont mean just come straight out with it but just tell him that you feel violated, that you are feeling scared, if this dont work then i think that you should take this up with the courts. By the sounds of it you broke it with him and i dont know why but this is why he is behaving so possesive and obsessive, its good that you broke it up with him. Gee what a freak really. i wish you luck..

Answer 10

Tell your friends and family not to speak to him,also you need to set him straight and tell him that you are not together for a reason and that you are moving on w/ your life w/o him,and if nothing works then you should get a restraining order!