Why am I bullied and taken advantage of? What did I do to deserve this?

Question

My school memories have all been rather...painful I have always been bullied and/or taken advantage of or excluded like I was different. The only "happy" year I can remember is 5th grade, I had friends, I spent time at friend's houses etc. lucky for me, it was my last school year in my home country.

Now I am freshman in high school and yet again ever since 6th grade I have been bullied and taken advantage of, lots of painful memories, I feel like crying right now simply thinking of everything that has been done to me.

Maybe at some time I protested and actually stood up for myself, but that time is long gone nowadays I dont say anything I remain quiet when insults are thrown at me and when I do react it seems whatever I do is futile.

I end up holding in my anger to them (and still do to oh so many people) and eventually release it at home in some form or another which is something I hate to do as no one in my family deserves that kind of treatment.

Answer 1

I was thinking about your question as I waited for this to load, and many of the questions that I had are very well answered by your intro.

So then, you say that you are quiet and hardly protest anyone making fun of you. This is one of the roots of the problem. I shall tell you why. Bullying is the result of some insecurity. The way that a bully 'resolves' this insecurity is by pointing out the shortcomings of others, and usually by physically threatening them. Being bullied is also an insecurity, but we already know that from your response.

So, how should you deal with this? Well, one way, which I would suggest first, is to go to the administration and tell them of this bullying problem that you have. They are obligated to take care of it.

There is another way too, and I can tell you this one really works, because I was a lot like you, and still am in some ways. I used to be bullied, and I still store up anger inside of myself. I found that if bullies are afraid of me, then they won't screw with me. I am not an intimidating person staturewise, but many people know that I have a lot of built up anger and violence, because I have let it show at the appropriate times (note: I have never physically harmed anyone who has bullied me). If you let these people know that you will let your anger make you powerful, then they will leave you alone.

Personally, I like the anger part, because I used that. I don't know you personally, so I don't know what will work for you. Maybe a combination of both will. Just make sure that you don't get into any fistfights or threaten anyone, because you can be sued for that.

Answer 2

I totally understand how you feel. My entire highschool life i was bullied and tormented. For most of it i had 4 very good friends, but they didnt do anything to stop the bullies. Then in 11th and 12th grade they all turned on me because i was 'different'. They just didnt know what i had been going through in my own life. However, once school finished i was able to see what a bunch of hypocrites and liers all teenagers are. I was able to get over it becuase every high school in every country is the same. They will single out the weakest link. I take comfort in the fact that i am better than them, and that is what you should do. Think about when you are in college/university getting a degree, when they are all at home barefoot and pregnant or working dead end jobs to make ends meet. It should make you feel better. In the meantime, you may want to talk to someone, even if they cant do anything to help, just talking about it is sometimes the best solution.

Answer 3

I think you should talk with one of the counselors at school and tell them how bad the problem is. Ask if they have any ideas about what you may or may not be doing that could get this going and if they have ideas on what you can do differently.

There are times, though, when the victim of bullies doesn't do anything in particular. It just gets started over some incident and keeps going because it gets "established".

If you are as upset and miserable as you describe you really do need to talk to an adult at school about this. You're right - taking it out on people at home is not the way to do things.

There's one thing, though: As difficult as it may be for you, you have to get it into your mind that anyone who gives you a hard time for no reason at all is just a jerk. You have to just know, in your head, they're the ones who should be ashamed - not you. You have to find a way to think, "Hey - I'm not letting what some jerk says make me want to cry."

At any rate, these days people are very aware of the bullying problem; so if you talk to a counselor at school (or if you decide to see a counselor outside of school, which wouldn't be a bad idea either) adults will understand the seriousness of what you're going through.

Answer 4

A lion waits in the bushes watching a 100 antelope running around, he wait, he is hungry, but he waits, what is he waiting for, he is waiting for the weakist one who he can take advantage of the easiest, like the weakest link. Now put this story towards you life, bullys always pick on the ones who will not give them problems or fight back, you are one of the weakest links for them.Advise is do not be easy pray or the weekest link. God Bless and good luck.

Answer 5

when you say "what did i do to deserve this" it makes me feel like you are blaming yourself for other people's poor decisions. this is called blaming the victim, please don't fall into that trap.

and all i can say is that after high school life is much easier.. the world becomes much bigger. people become less ignorant.

maybe you can find a guidance counselor or someone to talk to about your troubles. it sounds like you have internalized a lot of the negative things people have said to you, so i am assuming you probably need to work on your self esteem. there is a theory that you "attract" certain people/behaviors etc. into your life by what you put out there...check out wayne dyer 'the power of intention'

you should also try to find some constructive hobby to express your anger so you don't take it out on your family.... try screaming (aka singing) in a punk band, painting, karate, or something that interests you.

Answer 6

Well, I'm still in highschool and I feel the way you do. My best year of school was preschool I had alot of friends and didn't feel excluded. Now everyone ignores me and takes advantage of my niceness. THe only thing (honestly) that has kept me from commiting suicide is the hope that life gets better after highschool. (Fingers crossed)

Answer 7

Confront the bullies,usually bullies pick on the ones that they see has easy targets and weak ones ,if you don't want to confront them agree with them when they pick on you,this is the best secret,after a while they will give up there's no reason to pick on you anymore because you always agree with them. So then they will move on to another target.Good luck.

Answer 8

whats up i be responsive to what your dealing with i'm a heavy guy or woman and that i used to get picked on all of the time you will desire to attempt retaining your self and enable them to be responsive to it hurts your thoughts and you don't like it i'm an rather considerate guy or woman i glance out for others greater then i do myself and for that i admire you as for the protection rigidity by what ive study you're enormously gentle and thats not a bad element however the protection rigidity is an rather ruff place and that i dont be responsive to if i'd desire to hanle it the two and that i scares me alott to yet while it includes making acquaintances you will desire to attempt to discover somone it is such as you and is likewise an introvert and tell them the way you experience and attempt and bond with them. i'm hoping this helps you and sturdy success

Answer 9

You need some hardcore street smarts is all. I was a victim of bullying when I was in grade school. Lucky for me I met mike and he being very street smart taught me everything I know. You get silent when they bully you which is a perfect angle already. look, this is what you do, its what I did and it works very well.

First is make some strategic alliances, find a few bad boy friends who are no bullies, they exist believe me. get about 10 friends, make sure you have at least one bad boy friend in the bunch. Whenever you are normally bullied stay close to the bad boy friend becuase believe me, bad boys love a fight and will usually take over for you.

Teach all your friends that you need guarding becuase your not street smart. tell them this plan, every time any one of them is bullied everyone else is to move up on the bully in an aggressive way, fast walking with arms at the ready moving right up. Have them talk, they need to be vulgar about it. phrases like "if you fight one of us you fight all of us", "Its going to be fun breaking your bones." "I am going to kick your @$$ all the way to hell" and the such, everyone has to do this. Tell you friends they are NOT TO FIGHT though. This is about intimidation not violence. If there is going to be a fight leave it to your bad boy. They are good fighters and usually leave a lasting impression.

Now you tell your bad boy you need protection and need someone to teach you street smarts. Even though you will not take part in gang culture or drug culture its still wise to know how it works. They will also know who is not worth messing with which is important becuase you don't want to be caught alone or off guard.

Second build a reputation. You need to pass some rumors about yourself on purpose. Becuase your quiet when they come up on you use that. "When I am quiet it usually means im daydreaming about hurting people." or " I am quiet becuase they are not worth killing." Then make a big background story. Tell them you got kicked out of your last school becuase you put a kid in the hospital for 3 weeks with a broken _______. Tell them you are on probation for hurting that kid and the reason you do not fight the bullies is becuase you don't want to go to juvee. That the condition of your probation is not to get into fights and to pass with a c average at least.

Believe me the threat of getting hurt will stop the lot of them. Especially if your clique works together. Im not talking about gang activity. Don't get into any fights, just scare them all out of it using your smarts man.

I acted like a sociopath when bullies came up on me, becuase of it i never had to fight becuase they were all scared to death. I was called into the office by my mom one day and I used that to send a rumor as well. I made a rumor that I was called to the office for a weapons search becuase another student said I was packing heat.

Use your mind to put these punks on ice, believe me they will chill if they think you can beat the snot out of them

Hails,
Silence

Answer 10

i am a freshman too, and i usually didnt have a good school life. it was because i didnt like to make fun of people and just be out and out rude to them. it was pretty hard a few years, but i found the best way to deal with it was to ignore them, and surround myself with friends in similar situations. my small group of friends started out as total outcasts, and we eventually, grew really close. it really helps to have friends that support you and would back you up if someone tried to bully you.

i hope your situation gets better, and i hope all those people who do this stuff to you grow up and get a life.