My 14 year old daughter lost her virginity!!!!!!!!?

Question

She is a good daughter (good grades, doesn't get in trouble, gets along with everyone, kind hearted, etc). She is also the type that falls head over heels and gets consumed by love. I really like the "boyfriend". His family and mine have been good friends for 3 years. So when they decided to "go steady", I wasn't too unnerved to it. He's 16 & was a virgin she's 14 (going on 18) and was a virgin. My daughter and I could talk about anything. Except lately, she is so consumed with this "going steady" & "Love" thing. I didn't want to make a big deal, about it, so I tried to be understanding to a point. I talked to her about sex. I told her all the proper things, and then I told her all the things I knew from experience. I told her she could always talk to me without repercussion. So when I found out 2 days ago, she lost her virginity, I was completely blown away. Please, someone tell me, WHAT NOW? What do I say? Do I lock her in her room and tell her she can't see him anymore? Please Help!

Answer 1

honestly even though you may feel like you want to tie her down so she won't do it again and get herself into trouble, it will only make matters worse. I think the best thing to do is to tell her that you do not support what she is doing and that you think she really should wait but that you know that you cannot control her actions, but you want her to do things the smart way and get her on B.C. right away. Still try and get her to think about not doing it period but dont take any chances and get her to a doctor!

Answer 2

I think you should not act too freaked out in front of her or she may just pull away. Just make sure she knows she can talk to you STILL and take her to the doctor for birth control ASAP. That way your mind is eased a little bit anyway. As long as you've told her about all the precautions and consequences, you can't do much else. She's gonna do what she wants whether you want it or not. Don't let her get away with too much (like spending the night with him & stuff) but don't lock her up either. Just stay open and honest with her. That way she doesn't feel threatened. I'm not saying this is a good thing, but it could get a lot worse if you're not careful. Good luck.

Answer 3

good grades, doesn't get in trouble, gets along with everyone, kind hearted, falls head over heels comsumed by love... that sounds alot like me.. i am 14 and i have a 15 yeard old boyfriend, so i can relate to your daughter very well! my mom understands that we really love being together but if she found out i had been sexually active with him she would really want to be cool about it but im not sure that she could. you are being a really good parent by not locking her away because she will just make her want to be with him more (seeing that he can drive, he can come get her), but he must really loved her if he waited until he was 16... most guys have had sex by then. your daughter will want to tell you more if you try to understand her... in the long run she will regret it if she gets her heart broken, but once you have sex it makes it so much easier for the next time you think you love somebody.. you need to at least scare her a little about the responsibilities and she may rethink what she has been doing!


p.s dont let your daughter find out you are posting this stuff on the internet about her or she will not be very happy with you

Answer 4

It sounds like when it was all talk it was okay (at least the way you made it sound), she probably felt that she thought she knew what she was doing. I would sit them both down with both families...(Because they are so young I do not believe they are entitled to privacy on this issue since you guys would be responsible for her if she got pregnant!) They need to understand that birth control is not 100% effective & that if they truley loved each other they would wait, for each other to finish the more important (than sex) things like school, and being financially able to care for a child. You can't turn back the hands of time, but, you can do you best to educate them both honestly about the negative effects sex can have in their lives...(They may want to point out the positive effects, but the negatives ones at this point are more important!) Take her to a doctor, have him go with her so he can also see the importants of respect to a womans body! You should be PROUD that she came to you. I was 14 also & I was scared to death of my parent finding out... I had 3 other partners before I met my husband (at 16) We got married 4 years later! We also had premarital sex, but knowing what we know now would have waited... I hope that helps, good luck!

Answer 5

It seems like kids these days are having sex at earlier ages than ever before. I think the best talk you can have with her is to let her know that not only does her health and future depend on the decisions she makes, (14 year olds can't see past the present), but let her know that her reputation at school can go down the tubes if people think she is a easy mark. At 14 a young girls reputation is more important than health or future. Hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 6

I would not let my daughter "so steady" with a 16 year old in the first place. I remember exactly how 16 year boys are and what they want. How did they get the opportunity to even be alone? It's not appropriate.

Please be aware that most of the answers you are getting here are from kids the same age.

Answer 7

I remember telling my mom, she definatly didn't like it; she told me she was disappointed (I was 15). That's probably the worst thing to hear coming from a parent. Then afterwards she basically said she doesn't approve of my behavior at my age but that it's my body and she can't stop me(because of course teens are going to do what they want they're sneaky) and that she would just like me to be safe and that I can always go to her for anything. Then she asked questions about it to make sure that it was safe and wondered if it would be an ongoing thing so to see if I wanted to go on birth control or if she should buy condoms, etc.

Ever since then our relationship has been strong and open.

Answer 8

Whatever you do DON"T forbid her to see him, it will blow up in your face. Chances are it was peer pressure, or curiousity gone too far. I would get her a test first of all to make sure she's not with child, and then put her on bc. Even if you can talk to her about it and get her to wait a little longer, better safe than sorry. She sounds like she's intelligent, but she's trying to behave like an adult so treat her like one, give her conciquences. She wants to have sex, now she has to have a pap smear, she wasn't worried enough about getting pregnant, make her babysit an infant if you know any if not the youngest child you know. She needs to know that the rules for an adult are much different than the rules for a child. Most of all tell her how much you love her, and how hard it would be for you to see her sell herself short by getting pregnant so young. I was a teenage mother, I didn't get to finish highschool, I had to go sit in a library and take a test to pass highschool. I didn't get to go out for my 18th bday because my baby was sick. I lost touch with all my friends because I couldn't go hang out at the mall or go to the movies, or even to the swimming pool. I can't wear a bikini because of the strech marks on my stomach because my skin wasn't elastic enough to hold a baby. I'm a single mother because the father wasn't mature enough to be a daddy, but I didn't have a choice, I didn't want to kill my baby so I sacraficed my teen life. Please tell her how hard it is to walk into a grocery store with a baby on your hip and have little old ladies look at you like your a lepar, or check your hand for a wedding ring incase you just look younger than you are. Have her get on the computer and look up a teenage pregnancy site or a std site (which obviously isn't the case here) but none the less relevent if she continues. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

The damage is already done all you can do is take her to the doctor and talk to her . The worst thing to do is to freak out and start yelling because then she won't come to you. Even when you feel yourself getting mad don't she is at that age that she thinks know what love is so just love her and maybe get some info on teen groups that deals with these kinds of issues and have her go to them they really work .

Answer 10

She has an open relationship with you. that is good. But the worst thing you can do is interfere with her and her boyfriend. If you try to stop her from seeing him she will go behind your back.maybe even run away. Take her to the doctor and get her on birth control right away. once a teen starts having sex nothing stops them. Explain she should still use condoms even with birth control with this boyfriend and the next. Explain STD to her.She has grown up, accept that and try to guide her into womanhood and making proper choices.Good Luck

Answer 11

Just try to be understanding, and let her know the consequences of having sex (exp..pregnancy, STD's) You don't want to scare her and make her think you don't trust her, but help her to better understand. And I wouldn't go with the locking her up and forbidding to see the boyfriend. Most children will rebel against that. She experiencing new things, and learning new things. The best thing to do is sit down with her and let her know you don't really feel comfortable with her having sex at such a young age. Good luck.