Well, my husband basically told me today that he wants to have an "open" relationship. My best friend is going through a tough time with her sex life and "just needs great sex." I've already agreed to the three of us getting together and having a little fun as long as her husband agrees (we are all very open), but my husband thinks she needs a night where it's all about her and what she wants and he wants to be the one to give her this night so she doesn't go out and get it from somebody she doesn't even know. He told me that if I let him do this I can have sex with any guy I want as long as it's somebody we know, or I can have one of the vices that I had given up for our marriage, like pot. I don't know what to do. We have always been very open and while I'm open to new and exciting sexual experiences, I'm not sure I can handle my husband having sex with my very best of friends. Can anyone give me some advice?
2007-01-15 14:22:12 · 11 answers · asked by Meg 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, he told me today that they have already "made out." He was trying to hide it from me...that's what bugs me, if he had just been up front about it....I don't know what to do... I love him and I want him to get this whatever it is out his system so we can live happily ever after, but just the thought of the two of them together makes me want to vomit uncontrollably
2007-01-17 15:34:07 · update #1
That is a huge mess.
but its your lifestyle, so im not one to judge.
if i were you i wouldnt let my husband have sex with anyone else. I believe in being faithful.
2007-01-15 14:28:24 · answer #1 · answered by idbangrobertplant 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are about to open Pandora's box there. You marry for the sake of fidelity, respect and loyalty. I could care less about your friends situation. Get her a boy toy. If you say your open to the "open" marriage then why are you asking this question?? It's because deep indide your questioning whether it's the thing to do.And your best friend of all?? what is she gets preggo and no matter what they use it can still happen. Think about the day after he comes home- you'llbe wanting to know every sorrid detail was she better did you like it better, what did she do, what did you do and then the first time you and he go at it after him and her did- you'll be swimming in herleftovers. I'm sorry but the answer from me would most definatelybe no. Especially with your friend. In the end you'll eventually loose the friendship, you'll loose the respect and comfort of your marriage, and you could loose your marriage as well. most of all- you'd loose your self respect. please think of this long and hard-you can never take it back once it's done. ever.
2007-01-21 03:30:13 · answer #2 · answered by KATHEYCARCRASHER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has a thing for your best friend whether or not you want to hear it. This is his opportune time to bang her like he's always fantasized about. The little "just needs great sex" seems like an excuse, she probaby wants him too. What better place to hide than right out in the open. You know deep inside that this feels wrong, go with your instincts and dump his *** if he bangs your best friend anyways. The thing he wants to do against your wishes is definately not an even exchange for pot. Especially feeling the way you do.
2007-01-20 23:52:53 · answer #3 · answered by goturanswer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, do NOT agree to this!!!! You will destroy your marriage by agreeing to this. After your threesome, you will always wonder if you can trust your husband and if your husband is going to look for someone else to have sex with behind your back. And he probably will once he gets the feel of the thrill of having sex with someone new.
Tell him you've changed your mind and that you have decided you don't want an open relationship and you don't want threesomes. If you value your marriage, put a stop to this!
2007-01-15 22:32:53 · answer #4 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT DO IT!!!!! You and your husband should NOT have sex with anyone outside of your marriage. When you got married you said in your wedding vows, forsaking ALL others. Meaning that you would remain faithful to each other. You may not think it's cheating because you both would know about it, but it is cheating, because your going outside of your marriage to have sex. Plus if your friends husband doesn't know and he finds out it could destroy their marriage, and that would be something that could come back to haunt you and your husband, because it is something that could be used in court.
I've been in this lifestyle and it brings nothing but trouble.
I would say tell your husband no, and tell your friend no, because it's not worth ruining her marriage or yours over. It also sounds like your husband is really just wanting to have sex with your friend, which I don't think is right because if he does, it could ruin your friendship with your friend if your husband and your friend start falling in love with each other. It sounds to me like from what you said, that your not sure about it, that's a sign that you have doubts and if there is doubt, I'd say don't do it. Because it's a warning sign that this is trouble.
My suggestion considering I've been in the lifestyle and now out of it. Don't do it. You will be alot better off because of it. And if your husband after telling him no keeps pushing it, don't give in, tell him you don't want to and that no means no. Don't let him push you into something that your not comfortable with.
2007-01-15 22:54:34 · answer #5 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can assure you that your marriage will not withstand this episode. Eventually, you will each lose the respect for the other, if you already haven't. These situations almost always end with a divorce. Go to counseling...and stay faithful to each other. Why would you even want to be married who wants to be with someone else?? Say no..and if he leaves, you don't need him anyway! P.S. There are WAY too many STD's going around these days........don't do it.
2007-01-15 22:32:58 · answer #6 · answered by wild_angel_greeneyes_f44 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I wouldn't allow it. But I'd be curious as to what your "very best of friends" response will be. If she agrees, I don't know that I'd categorize her in that way again. And could you be with them together again without wondering if it will only be that once? I'm not 'open' or experienced in this type of relationship, but it seems to me that you are asking for trouble.
Good luck.
2007-01-15 22:31:55 · answer #7 · answered by Therese 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have any reservations, don't do it.
If your husband is as open and understanding as you say he is, you should be able to explain your feelings to him and have him understand and respect them.
If you can't talk to him about how you're feeling, or if he doesn't understand or respect your feelings, then IMHO you shouldn't be in an open relationship in the first place.
2007-01-15 23:01:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Steer clear and do not do this.... Not good at all... Tell him no and if he keeps insisting then leave him.... This is not worth the pain trust me! Open marriage is not good at all and opens up to alot of problems and possible STD's as well!
2007-01-15 22:28:57 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't allow this. What if he likes her more than you, when it is all said and done, you let him. Just think before you start "swinging " with your friends.
2007-01-15 23:02:06 · answer #10 · answered by tigerprincess_bee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋