HELP! I have a Controlling and emotional abusive wife.What is the best way to let her know how she is to me?

Question

If I tell her she is controlling she flips out. She tells me " Be a man and make dicisions,but when I do she yells at me telling me how stupid my dicision was and makes me suffer for it. So I just relinquish the dicision makeing power to her to save me the hassel and harassment. Nothing I say has any merrit. when she does that she has taken my validity as a husband and father away because it rolls over the the parenting as well . My 6 year old daughters have been repeatedly enforced to think that what I say does not matter. It has made our house very difficult for me to be in. However I love them all. They are my life and will never leave . But how do I cope. Also I do all the cleaning, laundry and dishes. my wife will not clean or get rid of mountains of clutter that has sat for over 3 years. she tells me I am OCD and anal and that cleaning up is the lowest priority then finds somyhing else to do leaving it up to me to at least get some of it done. I am at the bottom of the food chain

Answer 1

HUMMM UR WIFE NEEDS HELP!! TELL HER YOU WANT ME TO BE A MAN WEL HERE IT GOES U CONTROLL ME!! IM OUR HUSBAND NOT A KID..!!!

Answer 2

Stop doing it all. Only do your laundry and clean nothing else. If she is going to be lazy, so can you. Tell her that she needs to begin doing some of the housework. Or you could hire a maid. But I would cease cleaning and doing other household chores until your wife steps up to the plate. Make what you say matter. If you say something, put your foot down. "Daddy, can I stay up and watch tv?" Then answer is no and you must enforce it, even if your wife says it is ok. Turn the tv off, unplug it, whatever you have to do to get your children to respect you again.

You must also do the same with your wife. When she asks you a question that involves a decision, make the decision and stick with it. Put your foot down. When she begins to say your decision is stupid, tell her, "You may think it is stupid but it is the one I have made and we're going to follow through."

Answer 3

This is no way for you to be treated. You need to take charge and demand the respect that you deserve. There is noone else that will tolerate this kind of behaviour in this day and age. You should have a privae talk with your wife and let her know how you really feel. I also suggest that both of you sit with a marriage counselor and discuss your problems. Does she know how many women would appreciate you instead of treating you like trash. You deserve much better than this. I am mad at the way she treats you and I don't even know you. I hate to see people taken advantage of. THeraphy and counseling should work. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I do experience for you - you would be able to experience that it could be greater ordinary to sever all communication with them particularly than experience their disapproval yet then the guilt instruments in and you experience like a bad daughter. The abuse concern must be dealt with although and you at the instant are not likely to discover the main appropriate point of help here - attempt getting help via your GP. possibly wisdom how that has affected you will liberate the will you have for approval now. finally that's now your existence - your mum and dad had the possibility to make their options in existence and now you will desire to too. If somebody could make you experience so undesirable approximately your self with a heavily worded word or look actual the time has come to distance your self emotionally. Be reliable - look for the professional grant help to choose and should obtain - discover your guy or woman inner power and steadily enable bypass. once you start to stay your existence for you (yet taking your little ones under consideration) you would be a plenty happier guy or woman. I choose you sturdy success

Answer 5

Letting your girls see their mom treat you that way and the way you let it go on is terrible too. That will affect them for the rest of their lives in all relationships, including with you. The wife, either she stops being a bully or get help with counseling or leave her. You can't go on like this and if you were a man you would have taken control of that issue with her a long time ago to let it get this bad. Especially with the mound of trash. That can't be sanitary.

Answer 6

First, let her know that things need to change. Tell her that you don't appreciate the way she's been treating you, and her controlling antics are putting a strain on your marriage, and that from now on, all of your decisions are final. Not to say that she doesn't get to make any... but, the ones you start; you finish. Because your marriage needs to be fifty-fifty. Stick to your decisions no matter how stupid they really are, and the instant she opens her mouth to shut it down, stop her dead in her tracks, telling her that you don't need her opinion... this is your decision.

Answer 7

Do you really want you girls to treat their future husbands the same way that your wife is treating you? Remember that you are setting an example for them. They will learn from their enviroment.

Get some counseling if not for her for yourself. Obviously your self esteem is in the toilet. You deserve to be treated better and most importantly as a human being.

Answer 8

That's sad to hear. A relationship shouldn't be built on power and control. Love is putting the other person above yourself. Which obviously you do. But along with any relationship it takes two people to make it work. She needs to be willing to give to you as well. Ask yourself, 'In what areas is she willing to give for me...affection through touch?...affirmation of my importance in the relationship?...does she give me gifts of any sort?...spend quality time with me?...or does she do any acts of service for me? These are examples of questions of relationship worth. Do you feel that your relationship worth is high, medium, or low. If it is low (which is what it sounds like) then you need to seriously tell her in a calm and personal manner of how you feel like you are of low worth in the relationship. You have to also express that your relationship with her is top priority for you and you are willing to do everything you can to bring love and peace between you two. She needs to be aware of how she can change to increase your relationship worth. In order for every relationship to work especially marital both parties have to be willing to lower their own pride and place their partner above themselves. That's true love. And when both people are commited to that beautiful relationships are built and will last a lifetime.

Also don't overreact in making wrong decisions, no one is perfect we all make mistakes. I'm sure your wife has made plenty of bad decisions. An unhidden truth that most people are unwilling to admit is that we hate our own mistakes and take it out on the ones we love when they make the same mistakes. In other words she jumps on you for making a bad decision becasue she is mad at herself when she makes a bad decision.

Change is difficult and hard especially when you two have been together for at least 6 yrs. Don't be offended but if you really want to make the relationship work you should maybe look into counseling from a third party. I fear that if you two continue on your current path someone is going to get hurt emotionally and divorce could become a possibility. Do everything you can and fight for your marriage and happiness together. Fight for each other and for your kids. Don't blow this stuff off change in peaceful, loving, and radical way. You both can work through this.

Answer 9

its time take some time out for your self and find your self respect youre not a door mat youre need to see a married counseling to see if you can save this married my wife was like your wife but i left it took awhile but i got back my life back and i get married again after 4 years to a young girl who belive in the married vow

Answer 10

suggest counseling to her. Stand up for yourself and put her in her place, put your pants back on and take a little control. As long as you sit back and idly stand by allowing her to behave this way she will not change. Good Luck !

Answer 11

Try counseling. If that doesn't work, get a divorce. No one should have to live like that. I know you love her, but i think it's time you started loving yourself more especially if she doesn't appreciate you.