I love my hubby but his attention and affection is elsewhere?

Question

after 16 yrs of marriage my husband loves me and I him however our love making has stopped and affection except for a kiss or two and his attention to me has dwindled.I have gained alot of weight over 100 pounds since we met.He says it doesnt bother him I think he is turning off.What is the next step.I feel unloved and alone

Answer 1

First, you need to realize this: 16 years is a long time. It is more than a decade and a half. Doesn't that sound like a long time to you? That you have made it that far at all is a wonderful accomplishment, so give that some thought. Be grateful that you are still in love.

I can't think that you gained that weight all at the same time. And I can be sure that he has also gained some weight or lost some weight since you met. People change, it is inevitable. II guess you have understood that, for all these years, if not, you would have been tired of each other long ago. Although weight could be a reason, if he loves you like you say he does, then I don't think that's it.

Have you ever thought that maybe his affection has wanned because you might have lost your confidence? If you feel uncomfortable with your weight, you can always try to do something about it. Diet, exercise, get a lipo. Whatever tickles your belly. If you feel happy with your weight, then I don't believe there is anything you should do about it. But, think about all the women who are overweight and look beautiful either way! One good example is Queen Latiffah. I have never seen a more beautiful woman! But her beauty comes more from within, from her confidence, and the trust she puts in herself.

Another thing: how do you know it isn't your husband who has a physical problem? Maybe he feels he cannot perform. Have you ever asked him anything about this? Talking helps, you know.

Here are some tips for sexual awakening: exercise together; endorfins are great stimulators, and exercise helps your libido rise; wear sexy clothes to bed, sexy bras, change colognes to a hyper-sensual tone, or pin your hair up, anything to accentuate your best features. Remember men are visually excited; Dress for every man when you go out. Yes, you read me right. When your hubby sees that other men are paying attention, he is sure to give you just a bit mor of it; tell him everything that's on your mind to do. Hey, if you can't do that after 16 years of marriage, I can't think the sexual aspect of the relationship was ever good. Men love to hear that they are wanted. So, make him feel it. Also, tell him how to please you and that you want to hear him say things that will make you more... excited, to use a polite term. The trick to all of this is this: do it all with a hint of mystery. Like there is some secret under the skirt that, even after all these years, he has not discovered. It aso would help if you made it worth his thinking this by looking up some new sex positions or techniques to try together...

I wish you the best!

BTW, do not feel unloved or alone... Remember that we are also the ones who know how to love us best, in every aspect. So, unless we loved them, we wouldn't need men. Love yourself, and maybe then your loving will become better. I also mean to "love" yourself. No matter who says no, masturbation is a means to a healthier and happier life.

Answer 2

It's not your weight that is turning him off, it's you attitude towards yourself. You have given up on yourself. Your not taking care of your self. I don't need to tell you that you need to lose some weight for better health. But, if you want to spark up your marriage, you can do that now. You start by loving yourself first. Get in touch with your sexual feelings. I don't know of any heterosexual man that doesn't get turned on to a sexy woman. Sexy is in the mind. You can be as sexy as you want. Pamper yourself a little with baths and skin creams. Fix your hair, make-up and buy a sexy nightie. You can do this. Your a woman. Forget about your weight. He was turned on by you 16 years ago and you are that woman. Maybe your heavier than the woman he married but you should be sexier now than you were then. If you loved yourself, you would never feel unloved and alone. Build up your self esteem and go after him. Once you get his attention, never let it go. Start talking to him about feelings. The way you feel, the way he feels about everything. It is so important. Communication is everything.

Answer 3

I hear you...but listen up. Men are visual animals. Having an attractive wife is one of the many things that men "need". You don't have to be beautiful....but everyone can keep themselves attractive. Try and loose some weight - and I'm not being one of those people who says that big people cant be loved or beautiful....I am simply saying that if you loose some weight the fire will be lit again. I'm not overweight, but I lost 10 pounds and I got back to my size when we married...my husband couldn't keep his hands off me. Motivate yourself. Besides...do it for you ...for the health reasons! As you shed the pounds...watch his attention turn back towards you (and buy yourself some sexy nighties!" Good Luck!

Answer 4

My husband grips and complains approximately our canines. He does like canines, merely not those we presently have. He exchange into relatively linked to our Rottie of merely approximately 8 years. So i be responsive to why he's bitter. besides...a sprint compromise does not harm. no remember if that's merely a million room what's the wear? Spend your high quality time which includes your dogs interior the front room on the floor. If it gets him to ease up and you does not be ignoring you dogs. Did you have the dogs earlier to procure married? if so, then he shouldn't ***** in any respect. He knew way earlier hand the way you have been approximately your dogs. If not something merely tell him "that's the way i'm, that's how that's gonna be and that's the top of debate". you do not would desire to be recommend merely get your thoughts and your element throughout the time of. My husband does take a returned seat to my canines at particular circumstances of the day...as quickly as I first come abode and as quickly as I first upward thrust up interior the morning. sooner or later he made the remark that my canines have been greater significant than him. I defined to him...the canines get excited and bark as quickly as I come abode. you don't like it while they are making this variety of rackett so with a view to maintain you happy I would desire to attend to them first so as that they quiet down. After that he's been fantastic. He knew earlier we married that i exchange into an animal guy or woman and have informed him from the very begining. We the two are obdurate yet we don't enable our likes and dislikes come between us. Sorry yet merely simply by fact somebody does not like canines does not recommend that they'll or are hurting them. sturdy success and that i'm particular you would be waiting to paintings this out.

Answer 5

i think you might be just over reacting , as when i got married i was 95lbs and i am 5.7 and now i am 130lbs and i did reach at one point the 175lbs , and felt that he does not love me anymore. so i kept having my kids come for a walk with me at the park at the street or malls and i lost so much weight and found out that he is more into me, and it bugged me ,
so we had a very long talk and i found out that i was pulling off from him without me noticing because i was not feeling good about my body.
and i really start noticing my self that when i am feeling sick and in crappy mood i do not want him to touch or come near me.
so at the end it was in my head feeling not pretty to be touched .
so just feel good about your self and make him feel how much you feel good about your self.
do not think that you are not loved or alone .
just think about how pretty you are and he will change ,
as along as he is assuring you that he loves you and that you know there is no one else in his life then it is just being married for the past 16 years make him more himself with you.
good luck and may god bless you both.

Answer 6

Exercise more & eat less. This will improve your self-esteem among other positive benefits.
Start doing the things that first brought the two of you together. Talk with him & fall in love all over again.

Answer 7

go to weight watchers, loose the weight, could turn him off. take hold of the situation, loose the weight, get some new clothes, a new hairdo, and he will notice u then i would bet. it is a goal u can work toward. the weight watcher books will help u learn how to choose what u eat more wisely.

Answer 8

Tell him how you feel, even say you're thinking about sheding a little skin and see how he reacts. Just sit down and talk to him.

Answer 9

does he need new spark plugs or a new battery? Maybe you need to fill him with more gas. When my car has stopped, it's usually something like this. Give him some gas or something.

Answer 10

BE OPEN AND HONEST WITH HIM AND TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. COMMUNICATING WITH HIM IS YOUR BEST BET.