you always here stories about "dead beat dads" i'd like to hear some stories about controlling exwifes

Question

i really need to vent.my bf(soon to be husband) of 4yrs is a great dad.hes there financially and emotionally for his son and exwife(as he should be) 110%.even if it means he has to go without.his exwife on the other hand is a nightmare.she sent my bf a "bill" for $3,she does this regularly(he already pays her more than the courts ordered)she hates me(no good reason) and forbids me to attend any school fuction.she constantly tells anyone that will listen how bad we are infront of thier son.everyday theres issue we have to deal with.this just names a FEW things she does all the time.she controlls my bf by using thier son like bait.my bf being a good dad just goes along with this crap to keep peace for his son(they share joint custody)its to bad my bf is punished for being a good dad.i'd like to hear other stories about nasty exwifes and how you(2nd wife)deals with it.

Answer 1

Brothers wife ran around and left sometimes with and other without the kids. One time she left with the kids and called him to get the kids cause was getting kicked out of her bf's house. He divoriced and she does not pay or see the kids. She called my wife to see how the kids were. My wife told her to call him and gave the number. She would not call and the kids do not see her or know where she is (who does?). Some women.

Answer 2

I am afraid I would fall into this category, yet for different reasons- my son's father left and never came back, leaving his son standing on the front lawn, at 8 years old, wondering what he did wrong. I asked the court to give me sole custody to prevent him from pulling him into the drug world.
On the other hand, my daughters' father was a great dad- terrible husband- yet a terrific father. I would have NEVER dreamed of treating him the way your bf's ex- is treating you. I was thrilled with the idea that he paid his child support each and every month and wasn't about to piss him off and jeopardize that.
When I was divorced, there was a required class called "Children in the Middle". It talked about NOT doing the things you are talking about. You SHOULD be involved in these kids' lives if you are going to be married to their dad. She has NO right to use the kids to get her way, and if she does, this can be brought to court and she can be cited for contempt if she is refusing visitation, etc. Also, if he really is a great guy, tell him to file to be their custodial parent. There isn't ANYTHING that says the custodial parent has to be the mother.
Whether she likes you or not, you both will be in this child's life. She has no right to "forbid" you to do anything. Do NOT let her treat you that way. If your boyfriend respected you, he would not allow her to treat you this way either. Hang tight and do your best. Be sure these issues are taken care of BEFORE you walk down the aisle or you will regret this terribly. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

You opened a can of worms on this one...I'm sure there are many new wives out there that are living nightmares daily from the Ex-wife. My Fiancee has 2 boys from his Ex, he has coustody of them, she complains to all how cruel and abusive he was/is, yet for the life of me I can not understand how she could have up and left 2 children with him if he was so mean. All the while, she leaves him for a younger man that is married and him and his wife are still having kids together. She is a doper as well as a drunk, yet she will be happy to tell you he smokes and runs the bar. She tells the boys when she calls that they can do as they please, party all night long and have anyone in any time they want to because this is their home and they don't have to listen to Dad, when Dad says no to their partying and rather shady friends and people coming and going when it pleases them, the Ex calls the cops to come to the house. This has happened repeatedly and you would think the cops would know she was just trying to cause trouble. When him and I met, her daughter from a previous marriage came to me and said "Mom is glad he is getting his life back in order"...shortly after that she has called me every name in the book, has nothing good to say about me, and claims I do not belong here. I've never met this person in my life and their divorce took place a year before him and I met.

Answer 4

here's a good one for you.....

I adopted my ex's son 7 months before she filed for divorce. It cost me 1000's of dollars and financial ruin to fight her because she told him that I was cheating and that I didn't love him and wanted to get out of child support.

I went and hired the best attorney I could find, and moved back into my mom's house at 40 years old.

The child support was finally abated and her appeal was also denied. I asm in the process of re-establishing a relationship with the boy but he is now 17 and has suffered greatly because of her greed, I am afraid that he may never fully recover from this terrible situation.

My new girlfriend has sent him an email or 2 and he knows all about her and she him, but this will be a long hard road. She is VERY supportive of me as i try to work this out, she's an angel!

Answer 5

I just got married to a great guy who has a child from a one night stand. They tried to make it work for 2 yrs on and off (both young when they had her)but they hate e/o sooo much. He pays her child support every month and she goes to school for free, gets free health care, and any other thing she feels like cause she's a "single" mother. I think he should pay her but it would be nice to see where it goes!We want half custody because she's never home and poor lexi is at the sitters every nite. But its a womens world!Anyways, I get depressed with the situation alot and im glad to see theres others out there!!!

Answer 6

I had a nasty ex-wife who could say nothing good about me and my new wife to anyone, including our children. She made a fool of herself, as others saw through her BS and knew she was just bad mouthing, and full of it. She suddenly stopped her act a couple of years after the divorce. I found that by not striking back and by giving her enough "rope to hang herself" she eventually relented.

Answer 7

My husband's ex-wife....well, I've had over 10 years of trying to figure her out and still nothing makes sense. They have 2 sons, a 15 and 13-year old. We haven't seen the 15 year old ("J") in over 2 years. We haven't seen the younger one ("D") since August. When we had the kids in the summer, she would always have a big ticket gift waiting for them when they returned home. My husband isn't a person who would attempt to buy his kids. He pays over $250 per week child support. The pickup/dropoff place for visitation is a 20 minute drive for the ex, over 120 minute drive for my husband. He's done it, every other week, for over 10 years. When my husband's father had open heart surgery this fall, he phoned to tell the kids. He told "D", then asked to speak to "J." He said, "This is your Dad and I need to tell you something." "J" hung up on him. This wasn't the first time. My husband has asked the ex for family counseling, which she refused because "we're not a family," When we were still seeing "D," "J" would call him on Saturdays and say things like "if you have any problem, just call the police and they'll put our an Amber Alert." We have never had any kind of problem with the kids. No abuse. No bad mouthing the ex. My family has been great to both of them. They have cousins on my side that want to see the kids. They used to have a great time together. And you know what breaks my heart? The ex is very good at letting everyone around her know what she wants (and what she doesn't want). She has so influenced them to be against their Dad. We have absolutely no idea what "J's" problem is? He won't talk and she won't lift a finger to help maintain or encourage a father-son relationship. In 2006 we moved out of state. She stopped providing any information about the kids. No report cards, no notification of when they're sick, no notice of school/extracurricular activities. When "D" got poked with a needle at school (grandparents told us about it), my husband emailed her asking for information and asking that she please phone him. No response. Prior to that, in an email exchange about Thanksgiving visitation (2006 was our year), she wrote that the court order doesn't apply. When asked what she meant, she didn't email back. However, when we changed the child support payment schedule (monthly instead of weekly), we got a registered letter saying we were behind on support. Forgot to mention my spouse took her to court in '98 for alientation of affection. The judge gave her a lecture about appreciating the fact that he wanted to be part of his children's lives, added verbiage to the court order about parental alienation, and ordered her to pay her own legal fees (not what she expected). He also got expanded visitation over the minimal amount his divorce attorney originally got. Could we take her back to court? Sure. But did I mention she works for the welfare dept. in that same county? By the way, she is remarried and has two more children. You ask how we deal with it....at this point, we aren't really sure. We could spend thousands of dollars and go to court again, but are concerned it would make a bad situation even worse. The kids, even if we aren't having a relationship with them, still have to live with her. They are at ages when they have lots of social activities that would make it difficult to spend every other weekend with us now. We live 3 hours away from them now. Before the move, my husband could have (and offered to) do family counseling at a location in between. She refused. Since then, she's had a back injury and surgery. Not sure how she's doing, but in court, it would likely be portrayed as "poor Mrs. X" with the health problems. And there would be my husband, the evil man who make her come to court. Now, it's a matter or preserving our own sanity. For the first time in many years, we put up a Christmas tree. My husband didn't enjoy them before because they reminded him that the kids weren't there. We really made an effort this time. And, I think we both did enjoy it. We're trying to focus on us and our health and well-being. We haven't done it yet, but plan on finding good counselors to work with to help us through. You mentioned you are forbidden to attend school functions. I have gone to them, but she never acknowledges either of us is there and the kids were very uncomfortable as if they would get into trouble if they spoke to us. What totally frustrates me is that it never had to be this way. It could have been a positive situation for everyone if she would have allowed it. How much energy has she spent on this campaign? How do her fundamental Christian beliefs make this behavior right? Rhetorical questions. My advice? Find ways to take of yourselves and your relationship. Don't let her make you both miserable. It isn't fair and it isn't right. Somehow, karma or whatever will come back around. That's sad, but she has made her choices and there's nothing to do about it. There are a lot of good men who want to be an active parent. Unfortunately, many of them were married to seriously self-absorbed, petty women who cannot see what is best for their children. Once again, take care of yourselves. We're working on it and it is easing some of the pain. Finally.

Answer 8

I married a man with grown children and I didn't have to deal with his kids or the ex-wife.........smart, huh?