I'm sooo uncomfortable with being touched... how can I get over this?

Question

I'm a teenaged girl. Most girls in my school are pretty touchy-feely, but i get really uncomfortable around people. Just the other day, me and two of my friends were fooling around and one threatened jokingly that if i didn't move, she'd touch me. I didn't think my touching issue was too bad, so I just didn't move. So... she started poking/tickling me. I started CRYING, no joke. I had no idea that my problem was so bad. Then I started laughing because i didn't know why i was crying. But now it's really bothering me... I can't think of anything that might be the cause of my aversion to touch... nothing in my past.... It worries me now because if I can't handle even being tickled, how will I able to uphold any type of successful relationship in my future? (note: no, i don't have a therapist that i can talk to about this, nor will my parents be willing to send me to one) any suggestions?

To clear things up, this isn't really a one-time deal. The crying was (I hardly ever cry) , but not the discomfort. If this helps at all, I've been told COUNTLESS times that I'm too 'anti-social' and that i need to loosen up and start opening up. Is it possible that I have some sort of social/personality disorder?

Answer 1

I am not sure you can or need to "get over this", although you do need to be able to handle it better. Some cultures discourage closeness and touching, but I imagine that is not what we are talking about here.

First of all, poking and tickling are very unpleasant to almost anyone on the receiving end. They are aggressive, invasive power plays masquerading as fun.

There are plenty of people who are just not comfortable being touched. I have several female friends who do NOT like being touched, especially when they are not expecting it, and more expecially if it is from someone they are not emotionally close to. None of them could breastfeed their children, because they had such a strong physical aversion to it. None of them can stand backscratches, and only one of them enjoys a massage, feet and back only. (and yes, we have talked about it at our ladies' nights out, lol).

If you are still troubled and can't simply accept this aspect of your personality, you might try to understand it better. You don't need a therapist to make some progress here.

Try to categorize what you can. For instance, how do you feel about contact and hugs within your family, especially your parents? Does "expecting" contact make it less distressing? How do you feel about petting animals? Have you truly always reacted this strongly? Teenage years magnify a lot of things. Try to imagine (past the inevitable nervousness) how you would like being hugged affectionately by a boy you really like and care about. Hint: gotta close your eyes to do that one!

I read a book years ago, I think it was called "The Art of Touching". It was written by Ashley Montagu, and you should be able to get a copy at your library. Starting with assertions like "our skin is our largest organ" and illustrating how human and aminal infants fail to thrive in the absence of touch, he goes on to thoroughly discuss touch in physical terms. Don't be put off by his extreme view regarding the importance of touch.

From another direction, your issue may be more that of intimacy than touch. This is a bit more complicated, but again, you can make progress without a therapist. I recall a book, I think it's called "Intimate Partners" by Maggie Scarf, that examines the psychology of intimacy and trust. You may find that helpful...

Best of luck, in any case!

Answer 2

Here is the thing... You don't like being touched....THAT is YOUR RULE.
YOU stick to that. Granted it is a little out of "norm" but it IS yours.
If the people around you, friends or not, can not respect that about you, then they are NOT friends, and being touched in any fashion without your PERMISSION is nothing less than a form of abuse.
The people around you need to be told by you that you PREFER not to be touched.You are responsible to tell them that. THEY have to respect that ...THIS is what they are responsible for.
If ANY person crosses this boundary you have set. YOU have to tell someone. You are not silly. You are not weird. This is YOU and people have to learn to cope with you, just as you need to learn to cope with this.
Now as to getting help.
if your parents are unwilling there is a possibility that there is some help in your school, see a guidance counselor or headmaster, something. Explain your situation and use the word "ANXIETY" & "PANIC ATTACK" and that will get their attention.
As to relationships future: Let them take care of themselves....those things have a funny way of working out, I am sure you will find the right person for your needs!
GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 3

not some type of pervert? How do you degree disrespectful? Do you frequently rationalize and excuse what has lengthy gone previous the obstacles of acceptability? both take responsibility for permitting him to take such liberties, or give up him chilly in his tracks. He is conscious what the effects are. tell him that he's burned up his very last chance and if there's a next time he can not ever go back. If that would not give up him then it really is time to end the relationship. (you would take him decrease back if he apologizes to you and your spouse and children for his behaviour yet do not rush it.)

Answer 4

Don't worry, sweetie. LOTS of people can't stand being tickled. Being poked or tickled is very different from being touched by someone you're in love with. When you're ready for a relationship, I'm sure you'll find that your problem is no longer a problem at all!

Answer 5

You have a tactile dysfunction problem. Hypersensetivity. When someone touches the average person, they might get one signal. Your body interprets that signal as good. And they feel good. When they touch YOU, your body gets 50 signals. It scares them, and it gives you a bad feeling.

You might get over it, you might not. It's controllable though. The only reason I know is that I've got it too..except I'm a guy.

Answer 6

i'm sorry! hmmmmmmmm what advice can i give you? i don't like to be tickled either! you're not the only one lol nor do i like to be touched. just you probably hate it more than i do, hmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmm well, if i were you i would just live your life, and in the future when you find the right person you'll probably feel comfertable enough around them..good luck

Answer 7

I'm the same way! My friends love to poke, hug, and pat me on the head and it's so uncomfortable... I absolutely hate it. I like keeping my distance from people, I don't like to share chairs, and I don't like it when friends lean on me, either. It's a bit of a problem in my opinion, because it gets in the way of stuff... but be assured that you aren't the only one suffering from this! =(

Answer 8

Believe it or not, you're fine. Teens go through all sorts of emotional changes as I'm sure you know and have heard about, right?

Not everyone likes being touched and pawed at and that's okay.

Answer 9

keep your distance from people (i mean actual 2-3 feet)
it is likely to go away with time, and if doesn't, you'll have to really make sure you do things one at a time with your man :)