what do you think of this?am i doing the right thing,is it legal?

Question

my fiance,turned to drinking after his grandma died,and ende up being an alcoholic.now,he went to aaa,and dont drink anymore.he ask me to marry him.and i told him ill think about it.now,i am thinking of making a contract for him to sign.that will say,if he ever drinks ever,again,he has to leave my home,and i will file for divorce.i am doing this because i love him,and dont want him to fall back.plus,i dont want a drunk husband.so,i figure,if he really loves me,he will do everything he can,not to loose me.am i doing this right?

Answer 1

That's the "worse" that is being referred to in "for better or for worse" in marriage vows. If you aren't going to stay with him no matter what, then you shouldn't marry him.

Answer 2

Any contract that a notary or attorney has helped make or signed, is legal. Even some documents that are signed by both parties involved would be legal, in some terms. It can always be included in the pre-nup, I believe.

If this is what you think is right, then go ahead with it. In my opinion, if the man loves you, he will not do it again. It is very probable that he took a very hard slip there with his grandmother's death... so, you must also be understanding about that. I used to smoke since I was 16, and I quit in May last year, because it was affecting me. I could have started again, if I wanted, but I feel so much better now, and my boyfriend hates it... so I just decided to not do it anyomore. Hopefully, your fiancee will feel the same way.

Answer 3

Even if u make him sign a contract stating if he ever gets drunk, he would have to leave the matrimonial home would not work. The best thing to do is get him on detox drinking, and after he is free from drinking for 1year, than u may consider. But this not full proof, as sometimes he could be tempted to drink if he gets into another depression. But the key thing, is that he must have the will-power to quit drinking. Hope u can convinced him to quit!

Answer 4

If he doesn't drink anymore, he'll probably stay that way. A contract is always seen as a leash, to get freed from at the earliest. Furthermore, making him sign a contract will negate his own efforts at abstinence, and lower yourself in his esteem.

You will have to make little sacrifices to ensure the habit doesn't come back.
To begin with, you will have to abstain at parties to keep your fiance/husband "company". This also includes all-girl parties, because even the slightest whiff of alcohol in your breath can be disastrous for both of you. And I do not rule out violence.
You will have to declare yourselves as a teetotaler couple to all your friends, and ensure that any parties you hold will not have alcohol served. You will need to inform your invitees before hand, and ensure they don't bring alcohol either for their own consumption or as a gift.
Your fiance/husband may have to give up meeting his friends at the local bar/pub, as the temptation to join in "just once" would be too strong. Remember, as far as drink goes, your fiance/husband will be in a state of unstable equilibrium (to take an analogy from physics). A slight push can knock him down completely.

Are you prepared to put up with this? Think hard and carefully. If your answer is yes, you have my great admiration. Go ahead, and be happy, both of you.

Answer 5

I don't think you should marry him if you are going to impose written restrictions. When you marry it's for better or worse, in sickness and health. Your partner may still have issues.
Property becomes joint matrimonial property when you marry unless there are provisions in a pre-nuptial agreement with regards to property etc.

Perhaps talk with him rather than present him with an ultimatum. Maybe leave it for a year or so and see how things go. It's no use entering a marriage to control him. If your partner has a problem, it needs to be addressed, he doesn't need ultimatums - that won't fix the problem.

Has he dealt properly with his grandmother's death? Are there other issues that he has not addressed?

Answer 6

I don't think you need to make a written contract. No offense, but that sounds totally lame. If he truly cares about you, all you need to do is sit him down and have a good deep talk about the issue. If he picks up drinking again, he's broken your trust and it's up to you if you go with your word and divorce him.

If whether or not he will ever start drinking again is your deciding factor in whether or not you should marry him, maybe you shouldn't?

Answer 7

Nope, sorry. There is no outside influencing factor that will make an addict drop his/her addictive behavior. So if your contract is the key to keeping him sober, it's only a matter of time before he falls off the wagon.

Basically, he's got to do it for him and nobody else. How long has he been abstinate? Even a blissful marriage event is going to be a stressor ("Am I good enough? Will I be able to stay sober?"), so you and he needs to know that he's in it for the long haul....or, one day at a time.

Answer 8

I realize your doing this out of love and concern for him, but what you don't understand is alcoholism is a disease..being obese is also a disease in another form, what if he made you sign a prenuptial that if for any reason you should gain weight you are to leave his house and he will file for a divorce, after all being overweight is bad for your health too and he may not like fat women

Answer 9

Its a daily struggle for an alcoholic, it wont be easy, contract or no contracton once married it will not be easy to leave and a messy divorce. Make sure your ready for the ride, it may be fine but will be hard for both to keep him on track. Good Luck

Answer 10

He is your fiance.....so you plan to marry him.........If he signs the paper or doesn't it will not mean a thing.....you will have a problem if he drinks after you get married and go through a lot of problems if his name is on a piece of paper or not........I would not marry him until you see his life the way you want it......and can see he is sincere about never drinking again

Answer 11

Hooo boy...First, alcoholism is a disease, like diabetes or cancer. You can't contract it away. He will deal with this for the rest of his life; it will be a day to day situation. Ask yourself if you can deal with that. It is not about you anymore, it's about his recovery. Both of you also need pre-marital counseling, both together and apart. You need to ask the tough questions about marriage. It's not about losing each other; it's about working together as partners, finding common ground in the day to day workings of your lives, and realizing that love will only go so far; you really need to be friends who can talk, compromise and forgive. Good luck and God bless.