I'm very sensitive to being startled, and I don't like the feeling at all. It gives me an "anxiety attack" type of feeling -- my heart pounds, I feel sick to my stomach and very jangled. This normally isn't an issue in my day to day life.
HOWEVER, my boyfriend thinks that startling a person is just being playful, and even though I've asked him in the past to please not startle me (like jumping out unexpectedly from behind a door and yelling), he still does it occasionally, and it really bothers me. When I tell him not to, he tells me that I'm too sensitive, and no fun. I tell him that this is not my idea of fun, and he tells me that he grew up all the time doing this sort of thing.
Yesterday he did it again. I screamed and felt like I'd gotten punched in the stomach. I said very loudly and firmly that he should NEVER do that do me again, that it feels BAD and PAINFUL. Instead of apologising, he got mad because I spoke up forcefully. Is he being unempathic, or am I way off base here?
2007-01-15 11:32:18 · 16 answers · asked by Mnemosyne 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
He's not just being playful. He's being playful in an immature way--where you are concerned. And darned insensitive. He got mad, huh? umph.... Sounds to me like he needs a good kick in the seat of the pants and I wish I was there to give it to him! I think you should copy off your question and the responses and circle your favorites and show them to him.... Let the "boy" know it's not cool with you. He's messing with your head.....and it really needs to stop. If he then continues with his silly games, I'd tell him it's time for a break from each other! Another responded by saying it's abuse....and it is dear. IF you don't want it done to you and he does it anyway. He may as well be hitting you.... Make it stop......
Good luck to you.
2007-01-15 11:47:44 · answer #1 · answered by Brenda 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well, i suppose you can smack him in the nuts - that should let him sympathize better. tell him you were just being playful with him.
he's looking for a reaction, you give it to him. personally if he act's like a big dumb jerk and a total child - dump him!!!
he's not worth it if he can't atleast feel a little bit of your pain. see what his reaction is if you tell him you don't want to him any more... because this small thing may turn into abuse in the future. he's showing is childishness now, and currently it's a scare and you react. next time he may smack you for the same effect.
but for now, smack him in the nuts...
2007-01-15 11:49:25 · answer #2 · answered by mike s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If one does not know the feeling of fear that you experience it is very hard for him to understand. When you two talk of this issue again point out that you have brought this to his attention with no corrective action taken. Why must you raise your voice to get him to hear you. I know I have one person at work as your self and always give notice of my approach from a distance prior to approaching.(an inconvenience to say the least) But manageable.
2007-01-15 11:50:34 · answer #3 · answered by Carl-N-Vicky S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how you startle them. Sneaking up behind them with a knife is not amusing, whilst hiding around the corner or in a dark room waiting for them to walk past certainly can be.
2007-01-15 23:48:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually to do what your boyfriend is doing is considered sadism. In all honesty, if he does not respect your wishes on this matter now, you really should consider dumping him. People do not change and that is an early warning to you. This is the kind of person who will punch you later on in the relationship.
2007-01-15 11:42:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being off base, you asked him nicely the first times and after he didn't stop you told him firmly. If you haven't already, sit down and explain to him what happens to you when you get startled...if he cares at all about you, he will stop.
2007-01-15 11:38:34 · answer #6 · answered by speedy_me18 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
That's really crappy and immature of him. You need t o really sit down and have a calm converstaion and tell him that you are serious and to STOP IT!
If he doesn't he is being very inconsiderate and maybe you need to decide if you want to waste your time with someone who doesn't take your feelings into consideration and thinks scaring you is funny.
2007-01-15 11:41:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO you are not. If we care about others we do not do what makes them feel uncomfortable. If he is your boyfriend and he does not understand that it is difficult for you that is something he needs to grasp. It is not fun for you and then it becomes less than a joke if only one is laughing at your expense. Sorry. What is to one fun is not always cool just because someone else could not care less. It matters how you feel just as much as it matters that it physically affects you. To me that is cruel, so there you go. I agree and sensitivity is each to his or her own.
2007-01-15 11:40:55 · answer #8 · answered by flufrzz 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is being inconsiderate, and in some ways trying to exert some power and control over you. What he is doing is a little like tickling someone who doesn't like being tickled. It is mean and unkind. You need to talk to someone together about this if your relationship is to succeed. He may need help from an outside party to understand that it is not funny.
2007-01-15 11:39:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
What your boyfriend is doing is a form of abuse, like tickling. For anyone to enjoy your discomfort is a sure sign that being powerful means more than loving you. I got rid of the last man that did that and I am an adult, supposedly so was he.
2007-01-15 11:38:01 · answer #10 · answered by LoneStarLou 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋