My best friend and I have been inseparable for the last four years. We have everything in common, and hang out with each other as much as possible. Recently, though, she got her first boyfriend (I don't have a boyfriend) and has been spending ALL of her time with him. I can't stand how she's blowing off our friendship like he's so much better when she's only known him for a few months. AND she's going around saying she's in love. which i think is pretty ridiculous, saying that she is 16 and he is the first guy who has shown any interest in her. I love my friend, but does this really mean that our friendship is over? It's not that she doesn't talk to me anymore, it's just that he's always there or she chooses to do something with him rather than me. I get so frustrated at who she's becoming, but is there anything i can do?
2007-01-15 11:10:26 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
u get a boyfriend.
2007-01-15 12:17:44 · answer #1 · answered by fajita 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You and your friend had a great 4 years, where you only needed each other. But now that you're both growing up, there are going to be things that come between you, like boys and other friends and part time jobs. This is annoying, but it's normal. Most girls (and a whole lot of grown women, too) aren't very good at splitting their time between friends and boyfriends. This is something that never lasts, but it will probably happen again later down the line.
At this point, you need to start looking for new interests in your life to help fill your time. Take up a sport or a new hobby, learn to play the guitar or the bass, get into theater at school. Anything you can do to start expanding your social circle in a safe way. The more friends you have, the less you will be affected when one doesn't have as much time as you would like.
And about your jealousy over her new relationship - that's normal too. But cut her a break. First love is more intoxicating than any drug or drink, and the hangover can last years. You'll go through it, too and probably sooner than you think. And when you do, no one else's opinion of your emotions will make them any less real to you.
This is a confusing, annoying, amazing and wonderful part of life. Stay safe and stay true to yourself, but remember how much you still have to learn and see. And if at all possible, take your friend to Planned Parenthood to discuss contraceptives. She may not be sexually active right NOW, but safety is more important than anything. If she's old enough to be in love, she's old enough to discuss staying safe.
2007-01-15 11:32:46 · answer #2 · answered by Vix 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only thing you can do is talk to her about it. You can't do anything more than that. Be there for her as well. It doesn't mean that she loves you any less, but this is a new big thing in her life. When we get into relationships at first, we're all selfish and ignore friends. Hopefully the novelty will wear off soon and she will be in contact more. Two of my mates are doing the exact same thing.
To take your mind off it, maybe you should involve yourself in clubs and sports and make new mates that way? You're not replacing your friend, you're just increasing your circle. Still stay in contact with your mate and be there for her if and when she needs you. It's very hard not to feel resentful, but try if you want to keep your friendship. Who knows, with this new group of mates, you may meet a young lad yourself!
Good luck hun :-)
2007-01-15 11:17:54 · answer #3 · answered by Cat burgler 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't worry about it, I had a friend who ditched me for her boyfriend so I just cut all ties and left. It isn't really worth hanging around... it could be different in you're case though. But how do you know she isn't in love with him, that is a little harsh, I can sort of understand why she doesn't want to hang around with you so much if you don't understand how she's feeling.
2007-01-16 05:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by floppity 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello there, your friendship isn't over. She is just in a new relationship, and thinks she's in love. Give her time she won't want to spent all her time with him when she finds out his annoying habits. Everyone goes through this stage in a relationship when they first fall in love. Talk to your friend. Be honest with her, but don't ruin a completely good friendship over a guy.
Bye bye
Good luck!!
2007-01-15 11:47:29 · answer #5 · answered by Ravie l 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know it's hard but as you said she is only 16. Just let her get on with it. She will return to you realising what she has done. It's a learning curve at the moment. If you really are great friends support her and be happy for her. Then be there with ice cream and tissues in the end.
2007-01-15 11:16:40 · answer #6 · answered by itgirl23 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Chances are that since this is her first boyfriend that she will fall back on you for answers or if she gets emotionally hurt. Just be ready to catch her when she falls. Also remember that when you do have your first boyfriend it is very important to you.....like your first friend. And when you get your first boyfriend you will do the same to her.
-cheerio
2007-01-16 10:30:19 · answer #7 · answered by cheerio_93 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all understand that now that she has a boyfriend, her time may be a bit limited. I am sure that she still cares for you, but she may be excited over her man. Understand her feelings, and when she wants to hang out be there, that is what a good friend would do...
2007-01-15 11:44:14 · answer #8 · answered by Rae 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is something im more than familiar with and listening to you makes me feel somewhat sad but brings me RIGHT back down to earth...
i've learned from past experiences that sometimes you got to realise, friends AND boys come and go. People come and go in general and thats a fact. She may be your best friend of four years but friendship can be broken just like that within seconds. But in saying this i'm not implying that your friendship is over, because it isn't.
The only thing you can do is sit down and talk to her honestly about it, don't blame her or him. Because what you must realise is, sometimes decisions are made incorrectly and its no ones fault- its life, after all you're both probably (16, is it?) and you have gone through too much in life, having a first boyfriend is a BIG deal. She probably takes her boyfriend in precedent without realising, but let her have her fun! YEs, she should realise she shouldn't make you feel left out but at least when talking to her, let her know you understand. You may disagree and shake your head in disbelief, but what if you were her...would you do that same? You probably would subconsciously. Everyone makes mistakes, its not a crime its just nature.
After talking to her openly and she's still the same, then let her be. Your best bet is to move on without moving away. By this i mean to get on with YOUR life, stop being dependent on your 'best friend' and start making something out of yourself. When she needs you she'll be back. If your friendship is strong enough and is meant to be, this will pull through. You guys will either get back together with or without that boyfriend or you guys will just drift away. Just make sure you don't break up nastily!
Another thing, she may say shes in love but let her say it. You shouldn't judge peoples relationships and feelings because you're not in it, it hurts for when people to judge your own relationships. Whether she is or not its not for you to label, at least she's happy- thats what good friends should care about. She's happy enough to say she's in love. Personally i would say perhaps she isn't but it could just be what we call puppy love- its her first HUGE crush. My first boyfriend was my first 'love' but then again i'd say my third boyfriend was my real first love. You won't figure these things out until you're old enough. I'm not that much older than you guys but it goes to show how much you learn in a good couple of years!
So remember, talk to her openly about it, let her be, live YOUR life, stop being dependent on her, see if she comes back to normal, accept the changes good or bad and then carry on. Matters like these are trivial when you look at issues such as war, disease, famine, crime and mental health...so just deal with it!
hope i wasn't too harsh,
Good luck!
2007-01-15 11:24:47 · answer #9 · answered by soukmun 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
no your friendship is over its just this is new to her and she feels really excited youve got to give her some time and she will come back to you. but most of all make sure she knows you are there for her no matter what! as they lads come and go but friends can be forever xx good luck hunni xx
2007-01-15 23:26:15 · answer #10 · answered by crystal clear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my best friend did this to me when she was 17
they always come back
your friend just needs some space to get to know her new guy, shes had friends for years but now shes got a boyfriend its all new and exciting
its a life thign im afraid
2007-01-15 21:41:43 · answer #11 · answered by Jemmax 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋