Im 21, have a steady boyfriend, and I'm still afraid to tell my parents I'm pregnant! Help!?

Question

I know I'm an adult and everything and I have had a steady boyfriend whom they have loved for a while now, but we just got pregnant and i am dying to tell my parents the news. I just feel like they will look down on me since I am not married. I don't know what to do. They think its socially unacceptable to be pregnant and not married. Plus my sister just got married and they always expected her to have kids first. I just hate to see them disappointed or angry at me, especially right now. I need them there for me so bad. I can't write them a note either. I don't wanna chicken out that way. Do you think it's a good idea to invite my mom over to our place and then tell her and have her be the one to tell my dad? He's an angry irishman and my mom is one of those women who would probably either cry or just look disappointed at me. Anyone out there ever go through the same thing?

Answer 1

Well, when I first got pregnant I thought my mom was going to shoot me. But then again, I'm 19 and just started college in 2005 and you're 21. However, a mom can always tell if there is something different about you. Either the way you talk, the way you say certain things, the way you look or dress, or act around them, they always know when something has changed. A lot of mom's won't come out and ask you or say it and some mom's will. My mom didn't notice anything different about me, but all my aunts and my two older sisters, could tell before even my boyfriend and I knew, and were already talking about it behind all of our backs. Finally, I took a pregnancy test and one was negative, one was positive and I freaked. Within the next couple of days my mom, heard what was going around and confronted me about it, I told her that I took a test and it was negative. And she said, hunny just be straight with me and I won't be mad. So the next day, the day after my birthday, I went and got tested at a clinic and it came back positive. So then I knew I had to tell her. She wasn't upset and she wasn't disappointed in me. She knew I would do the right thing and make the right decision, whether I was going to keep it, abort it, give it up for adoption, what have you. She wasn't crazy about it, but she didn't show any disappointment, because she knew I was afraid, and I wouldn't have told her if she hadn't have confronted me.

Another thing, my aunt told me when I asked her about telling her was to get tested and if I was, let her be the first to know. She said nothing hurts a mother more than being the last to know that her own daughter is pregnant, if she couldn't already tell, or didn't already know. So my advice to you is to tell her, and let her be the first to know. If you hide it from her and tell other people first, she will feel like you don't trust her or feel comfortable coming to her about something this significant.

As long as you and your boyfriend are willing to take care of it together, or whatever you have talked about and worked out, and you have an idea of what you're going to do to support it, she won't be disappointed. Most parents become disappointed when their kids haven't thought the pregnancy through, and when they tell them, ask them what should I do and how do I prepare for this. It takes two to tango. It wasn't your fault and it wasn't your boyfriend's fault it just happened. So you need to think things through, if you're going to keep it or not, and how you are going to prepare for it, with your boyfriend and then confront her and tell her the truth. Don't beat around the bush. Just come out and say "Mom, _______ and I are going to have a baby and this is what we plan to do..." She may get mad, and she may be upset for a day or two, but she will get over it and she will support you no matter what because you are her daughter and she loves you. If she doesn't support you right away, the pregnancy will grow on her and the idea of having a grandbaby, if she doesn't already, will overcome her disappointment. It may take time, but for the best results, it's always better to have time than to get a fake response in the beginning.

Hope this helps and congratulations!!

Answer 2

The bottom line is you already know whats going to happen. Their reactions are going to be harsh and maybe even mean, but in time they will come around. Nothing touches the heart linke a newborn baby. As for the no babies before marriage and that kind of thing.... well you know how your family is and you still made your decisions. So as they have said for many years "you make your bed and you lie in it." Now its time to put the tears and fears aside and be a WOMAN. Stand up get it off your chest and give them time to get over it. Stress is very unhealthy for you and baby.

Also Have some respect for your father. Dont have another person deliver this kind of news to him. Tell both of your parents at the same time. If you feel more comfort by leaving your man out of it, then do just that. It might be easier for you.

Answer 3

I am 22 and I had been married for a year before I got pregnant and I felt like my parents were going to be upset with me because I never finish anything and I have always let them down but as soon as I told them they were soooo excited and now they are really excited that they are having a grandson in 6 weeks! Tell them....Alot of people wait until after 12 weeks to tell anyone because of the risk of miscarriage in the first 3 months, but I told everyone as soon as I found out. Don't feel bad about what they are going to say or think. It is your life and you know what you are doing, and you shouldn't have to compare yourself to your sister. If they are angry with you then they have issues. But as long as you aren't a slacker and a lazy bum that can't take care of yourself then I see no problem with you telling them. But I don't think you should have your mom tell you dad, he will just think you are weak and can't face him! Stand up for yourself, You are gonna be a mamma!!!!!!! Good Luck!

Answer 4

Yes!!!! Dont worry okay?!? I think u should tell them but remind them that u and your bf love each other and that babies are a blessing. Me and my hubby are trying for number two and im only 23 but its a choice we're making! We wanna be young parents and a lot of couples are doing the same! Also remind them that u dont need to be upset right now and frankly they have no choice but to be happy for u and love this child or stay away until they are! No disrespect but its true! I had my first when i was 20, my mom and dad were upset for literally a couple of minutes then it sunk in, and they were sooo happy. If you dont think this is the way to go, then wait untill your first ultrasound pics come then show your folks, that'll be a nice surprise!!!!

Answer 5

I understand how you feel i am also 21 and will fnd out soon if i am pregnant. For the past week i have been trying to figure a way to tell my parents because the fill the same way your parents do. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and are planning to get married in october. My advice is to tell your mom because moms are going to be more sympathic than dads because no matter what they want to be there for their daughters during this time. I planned to tell my mom and let her tell my dad to give him time to think about it and give my mom time to give him the she is an adult in a good relationship talk .You dont need to go through stress right no so just sit you mom down and tell her be honest with her. I think your parents wont be as upset as you think. Either way congrats with the baby, Good luck and if you need some one to talk to my e-mail is [e-mail]. everyone needs some in their situation to talk to so if you need to talk send me a e-mail.

Answer 6

Well thats a tuff question, but you'll have to let them know that you are pregnant eventually. I think the sooner the better because.....i mean if you told them 3 months befor the child was born it would be upsetting to your parents. I think they might handle it well, its a different generation and its pretty common to have a child befor marriage. You might want to tell your mother first, and have her break the news to your father.

Answer 7

When it all comes down to it, your parents love you. That's what parents do, no matter what. You need to tell them. This is an exciting and wonderful thing for you. I'm sure they will be happy and overjoyed for you, even if they're surprised or even disappointed at first. I know they will come around. They will love this new grandchild and dote on him/her like nothing else. Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 8

You and your boyfriend should just sit down with both of your parents and tell them that your pregnant. (I know easier said than done) While your telling them make sure to tell them that your happy and you would appreciate their support. They may be upset in the beginning, but they will most likly get over it after they have time to reflect on the situation.

Answer 9

i know your scared but i was just 18 when i got preg for my first daughter. My dad was upset but got over and my mom was just there its better then hiding it. My first daughter was born 2 months shy of my 19th birthday.i am now going to be 25 in march and have to cute daughters and my parents adore and spoil


mother of 2
ages 6 yrs old and 7 months old

Answer 10

Marry the guy - get a justice of the peace to perform the marriage ceremony for you. Good luck.