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A friend that I love like a sister, is stuck in a downward spiral that I don't know how to help her out of. I think she needs a DOCTOR- a PSYCHIATRIST, or something. But I don't even know where to begin looking. I love her. I do- but I'm out of words... I've tried everything i know, said everything I can, and she is still trapped in a lifestyle that will kill her. She almost OD'ed in October. And she has supposedly stopped doing drugs, but she is strippping and still induldging in destructive behavior. I can't turn my back on her completely. We don't hang out anymore, but she's my roommate and it's hard to look away when I see her come home in shambles, and tears. The strip club where she works is trashy, and so are the people. They suck her down deeper into that lifestyle. Please HELP ME HELP HER. We live in LA. Anyone know any good doctors?

2007-01-15 10:54:12 · 24 answers · asked by Sugarbaby 2 in Social Science Psychology

24 answers

Kudos to you for being such a great friend. What you're asking is how to raise the sun for her and, while a noble intention, she likely would not see the sun if you could. Instead, how can you shine a little spotlight on her and see if she wants to reach for the sun?

Here's a thought - it's dramatic, but I personally think drama needs drama. What future look at herself (ala Scrooge) can you show her that will rock her world? A patient in rehab, a lunch with someone who works at rehab, an addict on the street. Something.

When I lived in LA, we took our church's jr high youth group downtown to do mission work in MacArthur Park. We talked to a guy who's eyes were lit up (cocaine) like the 4th of July. As it turned out, he had a wife and child who lived right in foothills next to our comfortable little Pasadena church.

He said his wife had no idea where he was and didn't know if she cared. We gave him donuts, coffee and listened to his tales while he came down from his high. When we left, he made us a tearful promise to call his wife.

For the kids, they were blown away. They saw downtown LA as far removed from their comfortable homes. To find out that one of their neighbors was down here living on the streets left a memory I doubt they ever forgot. To discover that he had kids their age who didn't know where their Dad is was powerful.

There are some deep scars and emotional voids with your friend. You need to find out if she wants out before you can help her out.

I wish you the best.

2007-01-15 11:34:35 · answer #1 · answered by Darbo 3 · 1 0

This sounds very cold, but it is not your job or place to find her a doctor.

I think if you can talk to her family about what is going on there's the chance they may be able to do something (or not).

There is something in your friend that makes her willing to be "sucked down deeper into that lifestyle". If she didn't lean in that direction nobody could influence her into it. Some people get into this type of downward spiral. Others just don't - no matter what goes on in their lives.

You need to either not let her issues bother you or else you need to talk to her about finding new roommates.

Just because your friend is living a trashy lifestyle it doesn't necessarily mean she needs a psychiatrist. I don't happen to approve of that lifestyle, but when all is said and done, it is her business. One of the lowest things a person can do is to go behind the back of someone else and start calling psychiatrists.

You can talk to your friend or you can move out. It is not your call to start looking for a doctor for her. While her lifestyle may not be the healthiest, the truth is it is her call and very possibly not a sign of anything other than loose morals or weak character (neither of which requires a psychiatrist).

2007-01-15 11:15:15 · answer #2 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0 0

Extreme intervention is perhaps the only way out. this will take untold courage from you, and then you may need to step back and not expect thanks in return.

Are you ready for this? If she has no family that will help, and by that I mean to help gang up on her, give her examples of her behavior and then be able to place her in a hospital to get treatment. All of this done with a doctor present, or expert of some kind. You can open the phone book and start calling people in the medical section. Little by little you will find the way to do this, but start in your community and start by opening the phone book. There are people locally that can help to a degree - but...

If there is no support group, and it sounds like you are the only one that can help, then after talking to the experts, are you ready to take her against her will if you have to, and take her far away until she loses her addiction?

I have intervened before. Both drastic and hard - but both succesful in the end. Again, it takes all you can do, and then some, but if you don't then you will not sleep the rest of your life. There is some reason you were chosen for this task.

2007-01-15 11:23:50 · answer #3 · answered by Steven S 2 · 0 0

Have you tried asking her to go see a psychiatrist? Your family and her family needs to get together and help her get out of the cycle of this destructive lifestyle. Someone must know where she is at all times. At first she may not be happy with her being watched like a baby, but she needs the supervision so she can't do drugs, go out and strip, etc. You may want to consider checking her into a rehab clinic, and you should definately look up some in your area. In the end, when her life is better, she will thank you. You are a good friend for being concerned about her, and you should let her know that. The best of luck to you.

2016-05-24 18:13:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Sometimes, it is not the best idea to suggest a doctor, I have and it is truely not always the thing to do. People can get defensive and the whole plan backfires. I think that if someone has lost themselves, all you can do is be supportive and guide her. Sadly, the only person right now that can help her is herself. She needs to find herself as hard as it is. It seems as if there are heavy issues and as a friend you want the best. The best thing i think would be to tell her how you feel, how it hurts to see her like this, and how much you love her. The greatest medicine is love and support, and you can definitely give it to her. It may seem like you have said all there needs to be said, but I dont think this is true. If you love her, truely love her, you have to keep doing it and eventually your hard work willl pay off. If you think you are out of words and dont know what to say, maybe you should separate yourself from the situation. It seems like you want to help though, so you should keep trying. Best wishes :]

2007-01-15 11:05:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Oh wow...I'm so sorry. That's gotta be tough. She's obviously going through a tough time right now, and you need to be there for her. You said that you don't hang out anymore, and maybe you should. Maybe you could hang out with her a lot and show her what a happy life is like. Try to get her to stop working at the strip club, make sure she's not doing drugs. If she continues this way, she WILL die. Sooner than most people. For her own safety and your happiness, take care of her.

Good luck!

2007-01-15 11:00:53 · answer #6 · answered by xsayxgoodbyextonightx 2 · 0 0

I have had a couple of people in my life like this. I have learned that you can not fix people. No matter how much you care. They have to want to do it for themselves. If she is stripping and has had a drug problem in the past it is not a good sign. There is too much access to liquor and drugs there and it sounds like she does not have a whole lot of willpower...So most likely she is doing drugs again too.

That said...It was so hard for me to learn this and follow through but there are some people that you have to cut out of your life. Unfortunately some people like the cycle of turmoil in their lives...the attention that it brings...and they will always make the wrong decision when faced with options. This type of person will eventually suck you dry...There is only so much you can give and take care of yourself...

You walking out of her life, especially if you tell her why, may prompt her to assess what she is doing and make a change.

I know this answer is tough to swallow but you probably need to move on. Hopefully she will come to her senses, clean up her life, and maybe then you can re-build a friendship.

2007-01-15 11:03:13 · answer #7 · answered by LoveMyKids 2 · 1 0

You've probably done this already, but give her a hug and tell her how much she means to you. Chances are you've tried to get her out and she either won't listen or is being sucked into this lifestyle without her own consent- What you really need to do is get in touch with her parents or a teacher, even your parents or your teacher may be able to help. Find someone you trust who has the most power to make her. (This seems like it will be harder since you're in, what, college?) Do your best to make her know you care and that other people care.

2007-01-15 11:02:46 · answer #8 · answered by dragon6xx 2 · 0 0

I take the ‘you can’t help her – you can only help yourself’ position.

Many people find that they mature, grow, and evolve, etc. much more from the lessons learned by making mistakes than during the good times when everything is going well.

You have to care enough about a person to let them get hurt.

For example; My uncle simply could not stand the thought of his son going to a juvenile detention facility, so time after time he bailed the kid out and paid the cost to keep him out of ‘kiddy jail.’

Since the kid never had to experience the ramifications of his actions, he continued to misbehave, and naturally, his behavior progressively became more inappropriate.

Theory:
My uncle perceived his actions to be an expression of love and concern for his son.

Reality:
The child was protected from ‘suffering’, (being punished), which prevented him from learning and becoming a better person, because my uncle was selfish. He would not let the kid get hurt, because it made him feel bad to think about it.

Making mistakes and paying the price builds character.

2007-01-15 11:24:39 · answer #9 · answered by steve_monroe_2005 3 · 1 0

I understand your love for your friend, but all you can do is try to help her, you cannot make the decision for her, she has to want to change her life.
Just realize that a time comes when you need to step back, or else you become an enabler, which actually encourages this behavior to continue. Enablers don't help the situation, they make it worse despite their best intentions. Even if she won't talk to a qualified professional, maybe you should, to find out what your best plan of action is because this situation is hurtful to you too.

2007-01-15 11:07:21 · answer #10 · answered by crossroads67 2 · 1 0

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