parents divorced dont like mother.?

Question

a friend of mine, comes from family where her parents divorced when she was very small child. She has no contact with her father for very long time. She doesnt like her mother. She doesnt have alot of faith in people and questions their motives. Yet she is a lovely person, is married and is very grounded. How can someone turn out so well, inspite of the start she got to life, and the poor home environment in which she started.

Answer 1

I grew up in a similar environment and I learned this: if you were not taught in an environment how to love, how to cope, how to manage life, how to socialize, how to succeed, how to fail, how to talk, how to listen you have two choices:
• insist that you want a better life, that you do not want to be like your parents, that you want better for your children. This is a 'negative' goal - most people from imbalanced homes go this route. Most people will become exactly what they despised because they did not set a different course, they only hoped to avoid the only course they've ever known.
• Decide what it is that you want in your life and understand the root of what will make your life better and more balanced. This is a positive goal. This is how kids, like me and your friend, can come from such screwed up, disfunctional if you will, homes and come out with their acts together.

It sounds like, for the most part, your friend learned to create a positive goal for herself and her family. Somewhere along the way, she saw a family that she used for a role model. However, she very much distrusts people and this is still a weakness for her to overcome. She would do well to learn to trust people and, I'm guessing, be less critical of people. She still has a little baggage as we all do. Encourage her to trust people and not be a perfectionist. Once someone sets and achieves that positive goal, they tend to hold on rather tight.

Just some thoughts.

Best wishes!

Answer 2

That is a lot to deal with at 14. I am sorry to hear it. Sometimes. When people get married and they have a kid so shortly after getting married. It is hard for them to really know if they are meant to be. This should be nothing that you feel bad about. NONE of this is your fault. Your parents might be trying to make it work because you and your sibling are so young. If your mom has opened up to you about this much stuff, Try suggesting family counseling. Your parents at one point in time thought they loved each other. They still might. But it sounds like they are living a very stressful life and that money is a issue. Money issues are enough to make ANYONE fight no matter how much they love you or love each other. Make sure that you let BOTH parents know how much you love them. I know most people favor one parent over the other. But don't let them see that. Talk to your dad. Tell him that you have noticed that he is doing this stuff and ask him why. Tell him you want the whole family to be happy. But if he doesn't stop doing what he is doing then no one is ever going to be happy. If your mom does decided to leave your dad. She would have child support and possibly money from the divorce to help pay for a new place. I suggest perhaps a apartment for now. Im really sorry to hear of your situation and I really hope things get better for all of you

Answer 3

You don't say why she doesn't like her mother and why she has had no contact with her father. Possibly when her parents divorced, there was alot of hatred. Maybe "mom" refused to let "dad" see her and now she has no idea where he is. If this is the case, then she has a right to have her mother explain why she did that. If this is not the case, then she should look at finding her father and let him explain his absence to her.
Obviously she had a difficult childhood and that is where the trust issues came from. It is great to hear that she is married, hopefully happily and is infact on the right track.
I applaud her for taking responsibility for her own life. May I suggest that she address the reason(s) why she doesn't like her mother AND see if she can locate her father, if she desires. You never know, it might just open up a whole new meaning of family for her and change her outlook on relationships.

Answer 4

Some people rise above a challenge. She's obviously a motivated, driven person. I've known people who have had much more terrible starts in life and become phenomenal individuals. Look at a lot of your billionaires and other self-made people. It's the old Horatio Alger "pull yourself up by the boot strap" syndrome. Wish more people were like that instead of whining and wanting something given to them for no effort.

Answer 5

People have choices and your personality helps you make those choices. Your friend obviously has a strong personality and decided long ago to make the most of herself and not let her past and problems out of her control, control her. She took responsibility for her life. She is a very commendable person. Some people have a very hard time letting go of their past or problems and need help others wallow in the past and problems and blame everyone and everything for their problems. I truly believe that a large part of life is what we make it. You are very lucky to have this women as a role model and friend.

Answer 6

She worked hard to get herself out of the situation she disliked. If you don't want your life to be the way it is now then you'd work even harder than everybody else and have a better attitude so you don't turn up like the people dislike. Also she expected less out of her life so she got more.

Answer 7

You can blame all kinds of things on people up bringing can't you? What an excuse? You get out of life what you put into it! Some have an easier start than others though.

Answer 8

Because she took charge of her life, and did the right thing.

Answer 9

she was a very strong woman mentally. if you have mental strength, you can get through anything in life.

Answer 10

because karma owed her
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