Can a non-talker coexist with a talker?

Question

Here is the problem: I am such a shy person. I don't have too many interests, and I'm not very witty. I have been with my gf for awhile now, and I don't understand how she puts up with me. I never have much to say, but I love her and her daugher so much. There are times when we just sit there and say nothing. I've asked her about all this, and surprisingly, she says that whenever she thinks about me, she smiles. She says that she doesn't know how I can be with her. She is insecure too. She says that she loves me, but how? She is not the funnest person either, but when she talks to some of her friends, I notice that she smiles and laughs alot. I wish I can make her laugh like her friends do. She seems to have so many stories to tell about her life, but I never have much to say because I've had a bad past. I do sweet things for her such as interact with her daughter (I'm always fun with her daughter), take her out, and take care of her when she's sick. Can we survive?

Answer 1

Know this, many people can make her laugh, but few will ever make her smile.

This is an area of relationships where opposites attract. Rarely do 2 talkers pair up - that would be a constant battle for listening and attention. Occasionally 2 listeners hook up and as you can guess, things are very quiet. You 2 have a very typical relationship.

Just know that there will be times she will want to hear your side and want you to open up the same way she has (in order to keep intimacy fairly level). She will respect that you will not usually open up, but do her the respect and favor of cracking open the door once in a while.

Best Wishes!

Answer 2

Wow - you really want an answer to this question. I thought I would check your profile and see if I could get more info. as to what you were like. You are persistant if nothing else, but thats ok. It sounds as if you are asking this question very sincerely for the 5th time! lol jk
The reason I went to your profile, when I read this, I thought of my own relationship. I thought I was the only talker with a non-talker. My husband and I have been married for almost 19 years. Communication is a major issue between us. I have felt like for years that he has not contributed to this marriage, because he doesn't have much to say. It used to really bother me, because I thought, "he must not love me", but I was very wrong. Its just the way he is. He too, did not have a good child hood, and alot of those issues add to the type of man that he is today. I will say, that he may not be one to repeat anything that he heard or saw, If he has something of importance to tell Me about, he does, in his own time, in his own way. So, yes, after 19 years, and some understanding, I do think a relationship can work. I would encourage you though, to try and communicate. If she knows you make the effort once in a while, and she knows its hard for you to do so, she will appreciate it. But ALWAYS, if there is something wrong, you have to tell her, you owe her that. I am happy to hear that you have a good time with her daughter. There have been enough childhoods marred in this world, good for you for helping to make another childs happy. Good luck!

Answer 3

I think you can. Usually a talker and a non-talker is a very complementary pairing. That's what my best friend and I are like. I'm the shy quiet one with not much to say and she talks so much that she ends up out of breath : ) It's perfect because we're not competing to be able to talk, but there aren't too many silences where no one has anything to say. I find it a relief to spend time with someone where I don't have to struggle to think of things to keep the conversation going and she gets to talk as much as she wants with no one interrupting.
It's ok to just sit there and say nothing - wouldn't you both be exhausted if every second was filled with talking? A sign of being truly comfortable with someone is the ability to just be quiet with them, where noone feels the needs to fill the silence.
It sounds like you've got a good thing going on with your partner, and from what you said it sounds like she loves you just the way you are, so try and enjoy it and relax instead of worrying about how she "puts up with you". You sound like a sweet guy, keep up the good work : )

Answer 4

You can and will if you start getting comfortable with who you are and other than envy, appreciate what you admire in others (the potential for your break up lies in unfair self-criticism). A non-talker is a good listener and in a relationship with a talker can only bring about balance. I am a single talker and truly hope I marry a good listener. You are wonderful as far as your gf is concerned. Don't question it otherwise she might assume you are unhappy and begin doubting or feeling guilty about the person she is and vis a vis. Rest assured that she would have sought witty if witty is what she wants, she'd rather have you as you are so banish the self-doubt.

Answer 5

Of course. It is the same with me and my husband. I am the talker, he hardly ever talks unless asked a direct question.

As long as you treat her right, talk about the important things, and love each other, you should be fine. It sounds like the two of you have a very loving and lovely relationship so dont let worries like this sneak in and harm it. Good luck, and keep being the nice guy that you are.

Answer 6

Of course you can. There are not specific rules as how to interact with the ones we love. And maybe the fact that you're fun to her daughter is so important. And as people get more and more confident, they tend to release themselves from their fears, and just talk, whether the past was good or not. Above all, I think effort is necessary, but nothing can be pushed, or it will sound fake and will make things artificial. Smiling doesn't hurt, and it becomes easy once one gets used to it. Stories don't have to be good, they just have to be real...

Answer 7

My husband I are both the insecure type, but he gets very quiet, and I talk a hundred miles a minute to cover it up. We've been together 12 years now and people still think we're newlyweds. He made me the center of his world at a time when I very down, and words can't replace that.

Answer 8

Yes you can, it sounds like a pretty stable relationship to me. Talkers love it when somebody listens to them.

The things you do for her and her daughter are much more important than anything you say (or don't say).

Answer 9

wow - you guys sound just like my husband and I. I'm super chatty and my husband is a pretty quiet guy and has also had a very bad childhood. We're doing pretty good and have been married for 4 years and have a baby that adores her daddy. I don't think that it's a problem...if it's working for you and working for her....then more power to you. :)

Also - it's ok for you to be shy! Don't doubt what you have....appreciate it and have fun with your life. :)

Answer 10

A relationship takes work don't be someone you're not. Seems like you are doing just fine.